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What's your advice, if you could do it again?

(28 Posts)
bubblesforlife Mon 01-Jul-19 14:21:54

I'm a bride soon and as I close in on my day, finalise the details, I'm looking for some words of wisdom. Planning a wedding is not all cakes and rainbows!

What would you do differently?
What would you recommend because it worked well?

OP’s posts: |
sneakypinky Mon 01-Jul-19 14:29:13

Following! I'm getting married next year.

Greenkit Mon 01-Jul-19 14:39:26

I would say people remember the dress, the food and the party...the rest is forgotton.

So dress of your choice. Obviously

Make sure there is good food and plentiful for the evening, plus alcohol if you can afford it or a venue with reasonable prices

And you cant beat a good band

All the little table decorations, fancys and bits and bobs, no one remembers so dont worry, dont sweat the small stuff x

Have a fab day

newnewname19 Mon 01-Jul-19 14:55:05

Our priest told us to stand up during the ceremony and to look at all of the guests that had come for us, it was the nicest part of the day! Take time for you as it goes so quickly

newnewname19 Mon 01-Jul-19 14:55:56

Also we used amazing street food vendors, but hired waiting staff to bring it to the tables and take it away of proper plates, we had so many compliments on the food, and much cheaper than 'proper' sit down meal

burblife Mon 01-Jul-19 15:18:34

Take a few minutes throughout your day to really look around and appreciate the people who have come to celebrate with you. Make sure to spend a few minutes alone with your DH.

7salmonswimming Mon 01-Jul-19 15:29:18

Downsize everything except for food, drink and DJ. So, budget, guest list, length of day, number of events, expectations.

It’s a wonderful thing, marrying your partner. To celebrate, it’s nice to throw a party. But that’s it. Get married (dead easy, takes 5 mins and costs £100 or less). Best parties have a manageable number of guests you enjoy spending time with and who get on with each other, good food and good wine.

The rest is a waste of time and money.

ChihuahuaMummy1 Mon 01-Jul-19 15:38:08

Make it how you and fiance want it,be selfish.Ive been married twice and the first time I chose food i thought people would like even though i would have preferred something else.Its your day make it about you as a couple, dont try and people please .

candlefloozy Mon 01-Jul-19 15:42:06

Don't invite people you really don't want there. I didn't and I'm so grateful.
Get a photo booth. Always a laugh.
Give someone your phone to take pictures so you can look at them the following day.
Don't bother with all the little bits like favours. They really are a waste of time and money!

qj17 Mon 01-Jul-19 15:44:06

Only invite who you and your partner actually want there, the pics are for life you don't want randoms your great aunt sally insisted on inviting. Don't drink too much, soak the day up!

PatrickMerricksGoshawk Mon 01-Jul-19 15:44:38

Absolutely what ChihuahuaMummy1 said. You don't "have" to include anything or anyone just because a family member thinks it has to be done that way.

The only thing I wish had been different would have been twice as much time for the drinks reception; DH and I were off having our photos taken so it was over by the time we got back and I didn't get to talk to anyone or have a glass of prosecco until we sat down to eat grin

LooksBetterWithAFilter Mon 01-Jul-19 15:45:26

Our minister said that if we only get one posed photo to get one of everyone. He and his wife still enjoy looking back on theirs and remembering some people no longer with them.
Our wedding was 4 years ago and friends still mention how well fed and watered they were I made sure of it. Most of our guests were travelling from elsewhere so I was determined that they were going to feel well looked after.

Wish I’d broke the budget and got a video. I had talked to someone I know who does them but he wasn’t available and never bothered to look for anyone else didn’t think it was important. We laughed a lot during the ceremony and I can’t remember what about now would love to have had that to look back on.
We had a dj and he was excellent would always recommend him to local people having a party. We told him we’d like a wide variety of music and to take requests so he put out cards in the tables for this and we had such a great selection of people making some fantastic requests and again something a few friends still talk about. Dance floor was never empty.

qj17 Mon 01-Jul-19 15:46:47

Oh and a videographer is a must. We only booked ours with 6 weeks to go but it was the best money we spent.

cptartapp Mon 01-Jul-19 15:50:59

We had a small wedding of around the same 50 people day and night. No evening guests, no bridesmaids, no first dance. We spent almost as much on my engagement ring and our honeymoon, no regrets at all. In fact, with hindsight, I would have spent even less on flowers, table decs, church displays, keepsakes etc, and put more away for our future.
Agree, as long as you're happy with the dress and the food and drink is plentiful, the rest is usually overthought and not fully appreciated on the day.

poptypingchef Mon 01-Jul-19 15:59:52

Make a list of what is MOST important to you and then ensure they are taken care of. This applies Both to the budget and allocating people to take care of them.

If you are getting married in place where the whole event is being looked after by the staff maybe ask your bridesmaids/groomsman/trusted person. To follow up at certain times with the staff to make sure it’s all running as planned.

I did it all myself and forgot a few things but I didn’t care as I’d married my best friend.

ryanreynolds Mon 01-Jul-19 16:02:45

Don't tell everyone every single detail of what you've planned, then if it doesn't happen, only you will know and it won't be a drama.

Agreed don't sweat the small stuff, favours etc will be forgotten, people will remember if there was enough food/drink and how fun it was!

If I did it again, I'd choose a different dress, I don't love the back of it...but it was the most fun ever, we both had the best day!!

jackparlabane Mon 01-Jul-19 17:30:06

Don't be talked into 'having' to have stuff, even (especially) if it's by your parents who are paying. Much less stress to refuse any money that comes with conditions, especially if not stated up front but you can't escape easily once your mum has paid the venue!

Buffet reception meal was perfect, not that I ate that much myself. Also gave the best men a sheaf of twenties each to sort any problems - as expected, that went on getting cabs for elderly relatives who appreciated it.

A floor-length dress hides any inadequacy on the dance floor and means you can ignore your mum demanding your shoes be dyed to match the dress!

Also if you're expecting speeches, make sure your dad and best man can acfulkt do

Sunflower40 Mon 01-Jul-19 17:55:44

We had photos done before the ceremony, just me & DH "first look" Ones. I love them! Not traditional thing to do, but it meant we were both much more relaxed for the ceremony as we'd already had a chat/ hug/ handhold without everyone watching us. The photos are fab too, really captured our reactions at seeing each other (not as cheesy as it sounds, I promise wink). This was one of the few times during the day we got away from guests too.
I echo the do your own thing advice from pp, it's your day so don't be a people pleaser at the expense of your own happiness. The party is the bit people will talk about after, so make it the best possible grin
Have fun & good luck!

RuthW Mon 01-Jul-19 18:07:19

Do it as cheap as you can (within reason). It's about the marriage not the wedding.

FrangipaniBlue Mon 01-Jul-19 18:32:06

Elope.

Which is what I wanted to do in the first place but DH persuaded me otherwise.

I wish I'd stuck to my guns 🤣

Blue5238 Mon 01-Jul-19 18:34:20

Marry the right person

Pipandmum Mon 01-Jul-19 18:43:16

I had my family photos done before the wedding. Then after with groom and his family.
We had it all in one venue.
I had a tight schedule so no one was hanging around wondering what was happening next.
No kids.
The photographer got everyone as they were arriving.
We had same guests for whole wedding and open bar.
One of the nicest things we did was go around to each table during the meal to make sure we chatted to everyone and introduced each other to people that may not have known me or my husband. We took a lot of effort over the tables and who sat with whom.
I gave a speech!
Don’t forget to ask someone to collect a few mementos - I really regret not getting a copy of the menu as the venue had included a history of the place and had a few extra details personalising it for us. I asked repeatedly afterwards but they couldn’t find a copy!

Graphista Mon 01-Jul-19 19:45:11

Honestly as not only a bride/divorcee myself but also someone who's worked in the industry

Don't get into debt for it - NO wedding is worth this. It is perfectly possible to have a beautiful, meaningful wedding without spending loads. Many items are really frippery - favours in particular! Have them if you wish but they're usually a waste of money. Be guided by the professionals in terms of avoiding unnecessary expense by eg being set on daffodils in September or strawberries in January! They know their products, seasons and prices.

However - I'd recommend not skimping on photographer - the photos can last longer than the marriage! 😂 but also are cherished and meaningful to others too. You want good quality photos BUT you also want a photographer that's good with people, that helps you get the best photos.

Prioritise the people who mean the most to you - not necessarily the most awkward/demanding people, but the ones who you would feel hurt if they feel hurt.

Don't be swayed about any aspect you're unsure of - from the dress to the font on the stationery. If it doesn't feel right trust your gut or on the day you'll likely hate your decision.

When choosing bridal party bear in mind who is most useful in a crisis!

Bridesmaids and best men aren't just ceremonial positions, these are the people who you will need to calmly help when the cars are late, or drunk uncle bob starts yelling profanities during the speeches! I had my sister and 2 cousins, partly due to pressure from mum as my sister and I have never been close. She's also a bloody drama queen! When I needed help because the zip on my dress played up she tried to force it in a panic! Nicked me and I bled on the dress and then started flapping that the dress was ruined when I couldn't see how bad it was! Last thing I needed! Cousin shoved her out the room, cleaned the dress by getting me to spit on a hanky (this works by the way, works best when it's same persons blood/spit), used a pencil to sort the zip and got me dressed and calmed down.

At various other weddings I've witnessed bridal party "personnel" having to deal with all sorts from "tired and emotional" guests to the non appearance of the cake!

You need people who are quick thinking, practical, no nonsense and calm.

On that note accept that it's likely something will "go wrong"

It's usually something minor (place cards swapped or not enough orders of service type thing) but sometimes it will be something more worrying.

Ultimately that you and your partner marry is the only thing that really matters.

And the stuff that goes wrong may seem stressful at the time but will become something you'll look back on with amusement.

In my case a wee cousin piped up RIGHT at the "does anyone know of any lawful impediment" part with a small shout of "me now!" We still don't know why!

grin

Hope you have a lovely day thanks

SheWoreBlueVelvet Mon 01-Jul-19 20:09:27

I guess you have done most things by now so you want advice for the day. The bits I forgot -
Remember to take off your engagement ring and most importantly leave it somewhere safe.
Look at your guests before you say your vows, I was so nervous I sort of blanked a bit.
Let guests take photos and put them online somewhere. You can make photo books/gifts cheaply for friends and family before the official ones come back.
Don’t add more stuff to the to do list unless it’s more drink or food.

madeyemoodysmum Mon 01-Jul-19 20:19:37

Don’t allow yourself to be bullied into inviting relatives you never see etc.

Only invite real friends. People you go out with regularly. Don’t bother with acquaintances

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