Invite for wedding in 11 days?

[habibihabibi]

Just received an invitation to a family wedding in 11 days time.

It's in my home country which is a two leg flight totalling around 22 hours (which we've neither the leave or budget for)
Two kids whom aren't on the invite but would obviously have to come as we have no childcare options at all .

This is a token invite right ?
It was posted about a week ago from the post mark .

[LetsGroove2nite]

B list invite. Someone has pulled out

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

I'd say that's C List. I definitely wouldn't be going.

[LazyLizzy]

I would be amazed if anybody accepted an invite under those circumstances.

Long flight, no funds, no leave.

Obviously it's a no.

[TipseyTorvey]

Definitely a last minute drop out. Send a nice card, end of obligation. Rude of them to try it on imo.

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

I'd say you were on the C list. To get an invite this late means that someone on list A has pulled out and that no one from all of list B can attend so now we arrive at you OP. You are clearly an afterthought, especially so considering the lack of invite for your children, on whom they are relying to fill a space and bring a gift. I would have rung them and decline the moment I had finished reading the invite.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

I would have rung them and decline the moment I had finished reading the invite. - Nah, I'd post it 😁

[LazyLizzy]

Just received an invitation to a family wedding in 11 days time.

Don't rush to reply, they obviously like to dilly dally. Decline politely, by 2nd class post.

[AgentPeggyCarter]

Half my family live abroad. We call this invite the ‘don’t really have the space but please consider a bank transfer in lieu of a gift anyway’ invite.

[dronesdroppingzopiclone]

It's a drop out gift and they want you to send them cash because they are getting married. What chancers! Post it back to them with decline. Send a card, NO money.

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

Nah, I'd post it 😁

they obviously like to dilly dally. Decline politely, by 2nd class post.

I need to up my game, I'm obviously not as devious as I thought . You two are absolutely correct an immediate response is far too good for these people.

[TheGrey1houndSpeaks]

You were on the Z list

[dronesdroppingzopiclone]

Half my family live abroad. We call this invite the ‘don’t really have the space but please consider a bank transfer in lieu of a gift anyway’ invite

100% spot on.

[Justmuddlingalong]

Was it a posted invitation? Like the kind that could have been lost in the post and never received? 😉

[CornishMaid1]

Unless they had a completely last minute wedding on short notice, either you are a B list invite and have been invited because someone dropped out or they didn't invite you in the first place because they assumed you wouldn't come (for all the reasons you give) and have now started to feel guilty for assuming and thought they had better invite you so you can decline yourself.

[LazyLizzy]

If you haven't already responded, don't.

It could have got lost in the post as PP said.

If they chase you up, just say 'Oh dear, it should have well turned up by now if you posted it the minimum 4 weeks before'.

[Charley50]

I've declined a couple of long distance invites recently; one was definitely a b-list one, she told me she had space as a distant family member had dropped out. I've no problem with being b-list for a colleague.

However, do I still but a wedding present? What's the etiquette?

[WinterHeatWave]

I think you are very close to me geographically.
I reckon on 3 weeks to receive post.

I'd reply in a week or two, with a gushing response, but decline. And NO PRESENT.

[dronesdroppingzopiclone]

No, no present, Charlie.

[thecatsthecats]

I'm normally one to say that MN is massively oversensitive on this issue... But yeah, this is C list, sorry!

I would up the ante and send your RSVP
with a heartfelt message, but with short postage (if that means they'll have to go and collect and pay to receive), but do it long enough after the wedding that they'll think it's a gift. Especially if you tell them you've 'put something in the post for them'.

But then I like to plan ridiculous revenge plans on behalf of other people

[habibihabibi]

If I'd more notice I'd definately have made it. It's a sibling
Form for being disorganised and forgetful.
My DH thinks I should go alone.

[youngestisapsycho]

Did you not know your sibling was getting married before the invite arrived?

[NWQM]

Do you mean they only gave everyone 11 days notice?

[viques]

Decline, due to a possibly mythical long standing - heavily underlined three times - previous engagement. Hope they have a lovely day. Give granny a hug from the kids..........blah blah blah sweetness and light but send no present!

[Honeydukes92]

They are CF’s and 100% taking the mess here! Up to 3 months notice is just about reasonable. What others have said about C list/ don’t really have space but gonna let you decline is true.

As an aside, MN is BRUTAL about wedding gifts! Any thread about wedding and gifts is just hundreds of comments incinuating couples throw their wedding SOLEY to scam you out of £50 or a toaster! Happy to have £200 a head spent on them but gleefuly proud they won’t be sticking £50 in a card! Whilst I get that it’s a lot of money to some, the worst offenders are without doubt those who CAN afford to do it and don’t want to. In which case I wonder why you’re even at their wedding, if you dislike them enough to feel you’re ‘getting one over’ by not giving them a gift. 😒

[tisonlymeagain]

That would get a big HELL NO from me!