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AIBU? Wedding related

18 replies

kindnessreins · 06/12/2018 20:09

We get married in a couple of months time and our budget has ran out but all important things we wanted we have already paid for but one of the groomsmen and his family believe we should be paying for the men's suits. Are we supposed to be? Is it a big deal? The money is gone, there is no more for the suits at all. The other two groomsmen already assumed they'd be paying for their own but this family is claiming they can't afford it when I know that isn't the case...
Also it seems I've been expected to buy the bridesmaid dresses which I automatically did anyway but assumed the bridesmaids would be sorting their own accessories but mainly their own hair, makeup, spray tans etc. I have bought their bags (as that's what they wanted rather than flowers) and I'm sure I can scrape together some money in the next couple of months for some reasonably cheap sandals (the dresses are really long and won't be seen) but what about all the other things??
AIBU??

OP posts:
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BackforGood · 06/12/2018 23:52

If you are dictating that anybody who i helping out at your wedding wears a particular item, then yes, you should pay for it.
That would include particular suits and particular dresses.
If you are not bothered what shoes they wear then they can wear their own shoes. If you are dictating they must wear X, y, or z then you should provide. Same with hair really - if you want them all to look like identikits and have hair or make up done a particular wa then you finance it. If you are happy they look like 'themselves' (as they would normally look if you were going out together) then you don't need to.

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MissBattleaxe · 06/12/2018 23:57

You should never assume you know someone's financial position. You probably don't because people keep it private if they're in debt. Also, out of courtesy, anyone in your wedding party should not be out of pocket for agreeing to be part of your day.

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DappledThings · 07/12/2018 09:37

You already had a lot of people on AIBU telling you you should be paying for the ushers' suits and had your thread deleted.

Not sure you're going to get different responses just on a different board.

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Shoxfordian · 07/12/2018 21:17

Yeah you should be paying for their suits

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cowfacemonkey · 07/12/2018 21:20

Why start a new thread?

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SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/12/2018 21:24

It's a bit like Brexit innit, where people think you should just keep voting until you get the result you want...Xmas Grin

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user1493413286 · 07/12/2018 21:25

We didn’t pay for suits but we also didn’t tell them what kind of suits to wear; we worked on the basis that our best man and ushers had suits already so could wear what they wanted.
I also didn’t pay for my bridesmaids shoes and left them to choose what they wanted. I also said that my make up lady could do their make up but they would have to pay and if they didn’t want it that was also ok

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user1493413286 · 07/12/2018 21:27

Also I paid for their hair because I wanted it done nicely. If you don’t pay for it you can’t expect it to be done professionally in my view

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AntiHop · 07/12/2018 21:27

Of course you should pay for the suits for them and dresses for the bridesmaids.

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VimFuego101 · 07/12/2018 21:28

If you are OK with them wearing whatever suit they normally own, then you don't need to buy anything. If you want them to wear a specific suit of your choosing, you pay - why would you expect them to?

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GreenMeerkat · 07/12/2018 21:29

Did you already ask this and then request for it to be removed?!

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VenusStarr · 12/12/2018 22:13

If you are dictating what they wear then yes you need to pay.

My bridesmaids chose their dresses and I still paid. I wanted them to feel conformable on the day.

When we started wedding planning we listed absolutely everything we needed to pay for with a rough figure on what we could pay. When's the wedding? Maybe you can save up to pay for them.

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Secretsquirrel101 · 12/12/2018 22:15

You know full well you’re in the wrong, the answers on the last post you made were overwhelmingly against you.

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wasthataburp · 12/12/2018 22:19

You should definitely be paying for the suits plus the bridesmaids dresses hair and makeup!

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Atalune · 12/12/2018 22:24

Yes you should pay for it all. This shouldn’t be a surprise for you, I’m quite shocked you didn’t know this.

If you’re having a formal/traditional wedding with attendants then that’s the deal.

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Honeyroar · 12/12/2018 22:25

You've already had loads of replies on your previous thread. You shouldn't need to ask again! Scrap the pointless things you've spent your budget on (photo booth etc) and pay for the more important things, like your wedding party's clothes.

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KnightlyMyMan · 28/12/2018 17:29

You originally posted this in AIBU I believe?

Yes you ABU!

You should be paying for it (unless previously agreed that you wouldn’t) so it doesn’t much matter whether ‘budget has ran out’ or not... that’s your problem and you’ll need to either find it from somewhere or very humbly and apologetically retract your offer of him being a groomsman

You attitude stinks - in my opinion
Very grabby and selfish!

It is always assumed that bride/groom will pay unless you actually explain that you won’t/ can’t upfront - in which case people can take this into account when deciding whether to accept being in the bridal party or not!

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greendale17 · 28/12/2018 17:33

YABU- you pay. Simple as that.

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