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Please help - Terrified Bride!

(5 Posts)
TMsKittenHeels Mon 19-Nov-18 16:07:31

Name change as I don't want to be outed or upset anyone I know.

Sorry for the long message but needed to get it all out of my system! I think I basically know the answers to my question, but I guess I am seeking some reassurance and also some specific tips from anyone who may have felt the same as me or been through this...

I am getting married in 3 weeks time! I am super happy to be marrying my DP, totally love him and can't wait to be married. We both agreed we wanted a low key wedding without all the fuss or traditions, but with all our friends there. However, in spite of my / our best efforts, I am sad to say that the wedding ran away with us somewhat. I so wish I'd known then what I know now and had put my foot down a lot more with family etc at the beginning of the planning process. However I allowed myself to agree to a few things just to people please. At the time I thought it wouldn't matter as still the majority of the day is what me and DP want, but as it gets closer I feel more worried. The wedding day is still fairly simple but there are a few things I wish I hadn't bothered with. For example there are about 20 guests too many (consisting of extended family / family friends I have never met, or only met a few times and I wish we had said no to inviting instead of allowing relatives to convince us). I hate the idea of virtual strangers watching our vows etc, or having to make polite small talk with people all day instead of being with people I am close to. Hope that doesn't sound selfish. Obviously I take full responsibility for inviting them in the first place and it is kind of them to want to come at all.

Also I am also not close to my family and nervous about having them in the same room as me / my friends etc. Also, my MIL is a bit OTT about losing her boy (as she sees it) and keeps crying - I am almost 100% sure she is going to cry all the way through our vows and I feel anxious that this will distract me / make me feel under pressure. She is also super traditional and hasn't approved of much of our plans and every time I see her she asks a million questions about wedding details, so I am also worrying that on the day she'll keep pestering about when this and that is happening etc. I've tried to politely suggest she chills out, and just enjoys the day but she wants to know every last detail! For some reason I'm not great with her pestering as it sometimes does make me feel claustrophobic (a symptom of having a controlling mother of my own) and the last thing I want to feel on my wedding day is stifled.

So, there's a lot going on, but basically I am scared and worried I won't enjoy the day. Above all, I am really not into the whole bride thing and hate having all eyes on me. I wish it was about 20 of our closest friends on a beach! Suddenly with it so close it feels so real (again not the marriage which is great, but the wedding itself).

I am nervous about being stared at, having to speak to people, having to keep smiling etc, having awkwardness between different groups, and the general weight of responsibility as 'hosts'.

Does anyone have any tips for the day on how I can get through this, or dare I say it, actually enjoy it? I am worried I'll drink one too many to keep my nerves at bay and that it not a good thing believe me!

I know I have brought all this on myself. I can't turn back the clock and scale down the guest list, and I don't want to have regrets. Can I find a way to enjoy it?

OP’s posts: |
SheWoreBlueVelvet Mon 19-Nov-18 21:26:01

I just concentrated on my husband. Very easy to forget everyone else.

Also guests like a big soppy display. Getting emotional ( in terror or not) will only make them happier. IT will be fine

parietal Mon 19-Nov-18 22:24:12

I agree. concentrate on your dh and ignore everyone else. this is not a piece of theatre for them to watch and you are not on stage so don't worry about what they think. just do what works for you.

paap1975 Wed 21-Nov-18 10:21:30

The day will fly by. Just concentrate on yourself and DH and you'll be fine!

CurbsideProphet Wed 21-Nov-18 13:28:46

@TMsKittenHeels I have a difficult MIL (opposite to you, as she's currently showing no interest in our wedding). I will be having a quiet word with my venue to ask them to be mindful that she might be difficult on the day. I'm fully prepared for mine to get huffy if she's not happy about something, so if the venue know this it's less stressful for me. Is that an option for you? I'll also be asking if the ushers can tend to her every need and generally keep her entertained.

Has your venue provided a "Master of Ceremonies"? If not, get a friend to do it. They can do all the announcing / getting everyone sat down / stood up etc, so you don't feel like you need to be hosting/organising.

I have family members who get the huff with each other (I'm not even joking unfortunately), so I sympathise about difficult people all in the same room!

At weddings I think it's accepted that the bride and groom float about while everyone else socialises with each other. That's what I intend to do (as well as getting on the dancefloor with my friends!). Our photographer has already said that we'll do some evening outside photos to give us a break from the socialising!

You're marrying the man you love. Focus on him and let everything else disappear off flowers Obviously much easier said than done grin

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