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AIBU for being disappointed I'm not a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding?

(30 Posts)
jade19 Sun 09-Sep-18 22:32:46

To keep it short and sweet my best friend is getting married in 2 years time. She has recently asked people to be her bridesmaids and I wasn't asked.
I know it is her wedding and she can choose who she wants, and when it was previously mentioned about me being a bridesmaid, it was made clear that she wasn't 100% sure who was choosing.
But I can't help but feel a little bit disappointed, but on the other hand I feel like I have absolutely no right.
What I'm really asking is would you guys also be a little bit disappointed?

OP’s posts: |
Disfordarkchocolate Sun 09-Sep-18 22:36:11

I would be very relieved but I am grumpy, have limited spare cash don't like having my picture taken.

VimFuego101 Sun 09-Sep-18 22:37:13

Who did she ask? Maybe she feels she is obliged to ask family first.

FleeceDetective Sun 09-Sep-18 22:37:24

Who has she asked?

I guess it’s disappointing to realise that your best friend may not consider you to be her best friend, although she could have chosen family only.

HollowTalk Sun 09-Sep-18 22:38:10

For one thing, it's in two years' time - I couldn't be bothered having that level of interest in a wedding for so long.

For another, though you might think of her as your best friend, I'm afraid she doesn't see you in the same light.

Can you think why she's chosen the people she has, rather than you?

HollowTalk Sun 09-Sep-18 22:38:49

If she's only asked family, then I wouldn't worry, but if she's invited other friends, I'd look at why.

Secretsquirrel101 Sun 09-Sep-18 22:39:16

My answer would depend on who she has asked to be her bridesmaids.

jade19 Sun 09-Sep-18 22:41:26

She asked her sister ( which you would expect.) and two other friends. xx

OP’s posts: |
anotheroneofthattype Sun 09-Sep-18 22:42:28

I would be a bit miffed if she was having quite a big wedding party with a fair few friends. Is she? Or is it just family and one friend for example?

annandale Sun 09-Sep-18 22:42:59

A lot of people who to me are very close friends, i believe think of me as a mid-ranking friend in their own lives.

I try not to dwell on it. It's usually pretty obvious why the friends they see as their closest friends are in that position - longer time known, closer alignment of interests etc. It doesn't change how important they are to me. Try not to let this eat away at you. Tbh if tge wedding is 2 years away, not being so closely involved could be a massive blessing.

crazydoglady6867 Sun 09-Sep-18 22:45:45

When my DD chose her bridesmaids she deliberately did not choose any family or friends who were better looking or slimmer than her!! I would keep that thought in your head, you are too gorgeous to be her bridesmaid😂😂😂

jade19 Sun 09-Sep-18 22:47:33

I'm not quite sure exactly how many she is having, I haven't really asked alot about the whole thing because I'm worried that I may come across as being entitled.xx

OP’s posts: |
PawneeParksDept Mon 10-Sep-18 00:11:08

This happened to me with a very close friend (A) and I was very hurt by it

She chose two friends she'd known longer but were less close than me, ironically she's now been married more than a decade and I'm still in her life and they aren't

Without getting into detail I felt the decision was somewhat politicised for reasons beyond my control and influenced by others.

I later went on to be a bridesmaid for another close friend B and have sensed an unspoken regret about it all from friend A in the years since

You have no choice but to suck it up and smile and clap.

if you are petty (which I chose not to be)

Do not allow her to delegate their duties to you though either on the day or in the run up. If any bridesmaid cocks up you can do

"It's such a shame I of course would have, but I'm booked up now"

jade19 Mon 10-Sep-18 02:57:52

Thank you all for your replies. I just felt I needed to make sure, that other people would be this way too. Obviously she's my best friend and I want her to have an amazing wedding day and I will still support and help her when she needs me. xx

OP’s posts: |
Lizzy1980 Mon 10-Sep-18 03:52:33

As you're best friends do you think she might ask you to be Maid of Honour?
I can understand why you're feeling hurt x

SD1978 Mon 10-Sep-18 04:18:22

How often do you see her? How far a part do you both live? Lots of people feel the are BF's- but they are old and dear friends. Different scenario sometimes

Mummyme87 Mon 10-Sep-18 06:59:50

I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends a few years back. There is a group of 5 of us who are all best friends and she chose 2 others and not me and another. I was a bit miffed to be fair, although the bridesmaid dresses were poofy pink and they had to buy their own so in retrospect I was glad in the end.

I’m now planning my own wedding and have chosen my sister, my best friend from day dot who now lives at the other end of the UK and one of the group of 5 of us who I lived with for a long time on my own. I do feel bad I can’t have the others but also a. Can’t afford that many adult bridesmaids and b. I think it looks silly with loads of adult bridesmaids

RavenLG Mon 10-Sep-18 15:57:22

My best friend was married 5 year ago. When she was first planning she mentioned about us (myself and 2 friends) being bridesmaids, it wasn't anything official, just passing comments and excitement. I didn't see her much as I had moved 4 hours away, but several months later when planning had started, myself the 2 friends and bride to be went away for a weekend and it was mentioned in passing that she would only be having one bridesmaid (her childhood friend not part of our friendship group). I was hurt, and I think I showed it. She did ask me to be a witness which was touching. But 5 years later I'm getting married, and she is my bridesmaid and honestly it doesn't bother me. I understand you want to be part of her special day, but it doesn't seem like she has done it for any reason.

ineedwine89 Tue 11-Sep-18 22:51:54

I've never been a bridesmaid. I remember my best friend and I used to always say we'd be each other's bridesmaids but when she got married she told me beforehand that she wouldn't be able to choose between me and another friend so just had her sister. I wasn't too bothered.

When my DB got married my SIL didn't ask me either. My mum wasn't too happy that I wasn't in my brother's wedding party but I didn't care. SIL had her 2 best friends as bridesmaids but ended up falling out with one afterwards and now they don't speak at all. It's kinda sad.

When I get married I won't be having bridesmaids or anything.

jade19 Tue 11-Sep-18 23:31:33

I have definetly took a step back and realised how hard it is to choose people to be in your wedding. I will still be attending and that makes me feel just as privillaged.
Thank you all so much for your honest feedback and for not judging me grin

OP’s posts: |
WhatALump Tue 11-Sep-18 23:46:06

Many moons ago, my best friend got married. She chose 6 bridesmaids made up of cousins and other friends. I was extremely hurt and upset and when I broached the subject with her very gently it turned out she didn’t want her pics ruined by having a fat bridesmaid. Haven’t really spoken to her since.....

Cliveybaby Wed 12-Sep-18 08:08:38

@WhatALump normally I'd say whatever the bride and groom choose goes... Their choice etc... But that's a shit reason

Cliveybaby Wed 12-Sep-18 08:10:34

I'm slightly miffed that 2/3 of my bridesmaids are unbelievably attractive - tall, slim, beautiful girls... The other one and me are OK, but in a "average looking normally, scrub up quite nicely" sort of way...

NonaGrey Wed 12-Sep-18 08:13:35

I didn’t have my best friend as a bridesmaid, I had family members.

She didn’t have me either.

We’re still best friends 20 years later.

Weddings are generally more fun if you aren’t in the bridal party tbh!

CurbsideProphet Wed 19-Sep-18 15:08:00

Perfectly normal to be disappointed. Perhaps it has been a logistical decision if you live far apart?

It can be a really difficult decision to make when trying to balance not upsetting people with what you actually want from a bridesmaid. I can tell my sister is desperate to be my bridesmaid. I will probably have to ask her, but I'm already dreading her trying to be bossy and giving her opinions on everything!

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