Children at wedding, dates

[keyboardjellyfish]

Hello all. My DP and I are planning our wedding (about time, seeing as I refer to her as my DWife already ha!). It's looking like February. We are having fertility treatment a little after that and legally we need to be married before conception so we are pressed for time.

We have a lot of friends with kids and then my half brother is only four so it will definetely be family friendly. However, we are in Scotland and my little brother is in England which means a term dates clash. My step sisters are in college too although thankfully their Feb half-term is at the same time as my brother's holiday. We are also inviting another family from England with a reception-aged child and they also have the same term dates although they are less likely to make it. The rest of the families we are inviting are either in our city or the next city along.

So my question is, when should we have the wedding? Would families rather travel up, miss a day of school and be fined (that's how it works in England right?) and then stay a few days afterwards, or come up for a few days beforehand and then either travel back on the Sunday or miss the first day back after half term. I really want my little half brother and my two step sisters to be there so we want to get this right.

Thanks!

[keyboardjellyfish]

I should say, my brother is three at the moment but will be four in July and that means he's going into Reception this August

[Mummyme87]

I wouldn’t take my DS out of school for a wedding.. would be fined £120 (£60 per parent). If it was a Saturday I would travel up late Friday and go back Sunday.

We are having lots of children at our wedding and my Mam is a TA so we were limited on dates.. went for Easter Saturday

[keyboardjellyfish]

Yes we thought as much :( This is so difficult! My family don't have the money for the £60 fine. Although if it came to it I would pay.

[youngestisapsycho]

Do you really get fined for missing one day of school, and per parent? I've never heard of that where I live. I've read of it on here before. It surely must depend where in the country you live I assume?

[NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler]

I was told a child doesn't legally need to be in school until they are 5. Not sure if that's true.

Also most schools will authorise a day off for something like a family wedding.

[Twickerhun]

Am I being daft, why do they need to miss school can they not travel up early Saturday or Friday after school, wedding Saturday pm. Home on Sunday.

[keyboardjellyfish]

They live right at the bottom of Cornwall and it takes a day on the train to get up to where we are in Scotland so same day travel wouldn't work unfortunately :(

[Mummyme87]

Yes it is true they don’t legally need education until 5yrs however if they are in a school a fine can be enforced if it’s their policy. My son is about to start school in September and we were at the meeting last week and in the letter and confirmed by headteacher, only sickness will be authorised, otherwise £60 fine per parent. I mean you could just say they are sick and hope they don’t say anything at school 🤷🏼‍♀️

[keyboardjellyfish]

Going to have a look at their holidays again and work out when they are off school for longer than a week.... although I don't think that's until July and it would mean delaying IVF by another two months. Hmmm.

[keyboardjellyfish]

April, sorry. Not July!

[jpclarke]

What about a midweek wedding??

[keyboardjellyfish]

If we did a midweek wedding none of our Scottish friends with children could make it as the half terms for Scotland and England are on different weeks, so that's a no-go.

[Mummyme87]

Christmas holidays are two weeks and end first week of jan, then a week mid feb, 2weeks for Easter which vary between schools

[Vixnixtrix1981]

Where we are you only get fined for 5 consecutive days. Not one

[ArfArfBarf]

I think the chances of a fine for one day absence must be pretty small and I would definitely take my kids out of primary schools for a family wedding (in fact I’m doing it this Friday). We live 8hrs away from family and are happy to drive half way Friday night after school, then the rest Sat morning and return in one go on Sunday.

[ducklife]

They are only in compulsory education from the term they turn 5. Suggest his parents speak to the school.

Alternatively - say nothing & then phone him in poorly. Lots of flu around in February... he's only 4 so it's not like he's going to miss an exam or something more complicated than colouring in a Valentines card

[keyboardjellyfish]

Thanks everyone. I think we're just going to move it to April (we are in the v. early stages of planning anyway) for limited stress.

[Ratbagratty]

Have wedding in Feb, have blessing and big party later?

[Forgottenwhatsleepis]

Legally schools can't fine for the first 3 days of unauthorised absence in England(I was told this from my son's school), but yes they really don't like it! For immediate family weddings etc they do class them as exceptional circumstances though, and some primary schools are more easy going than secondary schools, so I think they'll be ok, as its only one day, and not a week or two holiday. Good luck, and congratulations!

[Mummyme87]

My friend was fined for both of her children, taking them out of school for their own wedding (primary school)

[LoveInTokyo]

Why don’t you do your legal ceremony at the registry office in 20 minutes at a time that suits you, and then plan your “wedding” for a later time that suits everybody?

Re the school issue, I think the whole fine policy is ridiculous and if it were my kids I would just call them in sick.

[Eliza9917]

Can't the kids just have a sick day?

[RebeccaCloud9]

I know this isn't the point but why do you have to be married at conception?