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Bridezilla strikes again

(57 Posts)
Looner123 Fri 20-Apr-18 08:08:31

Really need advice on wether I should carry on being a bridesmaid or tell the bride I can’t do it anymore ....... the bride has been my best friend since primary school she got engaged a few years ago and after a very blunt asking for me to be bridemaid which was overshadowed by her telling me why she picked someone else to be maid of honor and not me ( she said she wrote a pro and cons list about us ) this was the start fast forward a year a half of hearing everything wedding which I’ve smiled and chatted along with , we went dress shopping I had explained to her that I would like to keep the budget down to about £100 as we are paying for everything ourselves ( I was ok with this as she said she would keep in our budget ) we also asked that she consider non strapless dresses as none of us feel that comfortable wearing them ..:. Well shopping trip number one she hadn’t phoned ahead to any shops to ensure they had sizes and styles for us to try on so 3 shops in and I’ve had to sit and watch the other 2 try dresses on as I’m bigger then them and they didn’t have dresses for me to try on ... to say that trip was a disaster was an understatement.. the next shopping trip she planned I was away and couldn’t go to which she was furious about. Then her and the maid of honor have a massive argument about how demanding the bride is being and now she’s told her she won’t be part of the wedding ... so off we go on another trip to find dresses ... we find one and I hate it but the bride loved it .. it’s strapless ... it’s for a body shape with no curves and I have lots of curves but we get with the agreement I could wear my hair down because it was strapless ( baring in mind I hate my hair up and I can’t remeber the last time I wore it up ) oh and the dress was £180 !! Like a mug I paid it .... after Lots of demands for her hen do and saying we aren’t good enough at planning etc we still have months and months before the hen do ... also everytime I see her it’s all just about the wedding we never talk about anything else and I’ve personally had a really tough year ..... so fasting forward again we go to pick the dress up ... the women in the shop tells me I need to loose weight for the dress to look good on me even went as far as measuring me and telling me exactly how many inches to loose .. telling us all how the other bridesmaid looks a lot better IN the dress .. how I have a very odd body and nothing would really suit me ..... all in front of the bride and her mum and other bridesmaid... not one of them stuck up for me.... so I leave the shop distraught .... bride then declares that she was going to pay for all alterations but now will only pay £50 worth ( more cost for me ) she’s only paying for flowers and hair we are to pay for everything else to allow her to have the honey moon she wants ... she’s also told me my hair has to be up and that as I’m having a panel added to my dress as it doesn’t sit on me properly I asked for the ribbon to be hanging out tied nicely to cover the extra seams I’m not allowed this is has to be tucked in ... she’s also demanding we all dress up on the hen do ...I hate dressing up and said I would do it but probably do it subtle nope this isn’t allowed ... she’s also demanding we are available all the time i have a busy demanding job which she doesn’t understand....... please help I’m at my wits end with her she’s pretty much unbearable to be around and I don’t think I can cope with anything else my body confidence has been shattered because of this wedding ... and when I add all the cost it’s looking to be about £1000 for the hen and wedding ... what do I do !! I’ve left lots of of this so much more has gone on but this is just some of it ...... Sorry for the long post smile

KTD27 Fri 20-Apr-18 08:11:37

Oh my goodness. You stop! That’s what you do. Bow out and leave her to it. Sounds horrid flowers

Chocolala Fri 20-Apr-18 08:12:08

Walk away. Tell her she keeps going back on agreements she has made, she’s not entitled to spend your money for you, and it would be better for her to find someone else.

Why would you even want to be friends after all this? She has no respect for you, thinks it’s ok for you to be treated badly, and never keeps her word.

Chocolala Fri 20-Apr-18 08:13:35

And don’t be trapped by sunken costs. You’ll lose more money by sticking around.

Oh, nd the dress is yours if you paid for it. Tell the seamstress you do t want the alterations doing, take the dress and sell on eBay to recoup some of your costs.

2cats2many Fri 20-Apr-18 08:17:39

Just walk away darling. She's being dreadful and selfish. You absolutely don't have to put up with being treated like this. You really don't.

MarthasGinYard Fri 20-Apr-18 08:22:52

Just re read your Op and

Stop

That is all

Veterinari Fri 20-Apr-18 08:25:50

Quit. Totally unreasonable weddding and she sounds like a bitch.
You shouldn't Be paying to wear a dress you hate. It’s her wedding - she pays.

purplemunkey Fri 20-Apr-18 08:27:21

Sorry for your experience in the dress shop. That sounds awful, if it's not an independent and has a head office or anything I'd let them know about the treatment you received as that's really not on.

Agreed with PPs, just stop. Don't do things that make you unhappy. As Chocolala says, will you even remain friends after this? If not, why put yourself through all this only to walk away after the wedding?

Tell her she's being an arse. You have nothing to lose - she'll either stop bwing an arsenal or have another bridezilla moment and relieve you of your bridesmaid duties (win!)

purplemunkey Fri 20-Apr-18 08:28:13

*being an arse

KirstenRaymonde Fri 20-Apr-18 08:29:29

Quit, run for the hills, and if you can tell her why. She’s being a total shitbag and you don’t need a friend like that.

Unforgiving2 Fri 20-Apr-18 08:35:41

You have to stop, she is not treating you well or thinking about you or your feelings or your budget. Just tell her that with spiralling costs and demands you don't feel able to continue. She may get mad etc but just keep it simple, "this isn't working for me and I don't want to continue". Stop letting her push you around and manipulate you. Perhaps it will be a wake up call for her and she will realise her behaviour is out of line, but probably not. Either way you need to distance yourself from this situation and this person.

StealthPolarBear Fri 20-Apr-18 08:37:50

That isn't a friend. Your self esteem will be zero by the wedding. You're clearly a kind and patient person.

OakIsBetterTho Fri 20-Apr-18 08:39:41

For your own good, back out now!! It'll only get harder the closer to the wedding you get.

Hesburger Fri 20-Apr-18 08:44:46

Put a stop to this madness. Step down and return the dress if you can. Has the maid of honour already quit?

She sounds like a completely self absorbed nightmare. Be kind to yourself and walk away.

Sabina21 Fri 20-Apr-18 08:50:28

Just tell her that you don't feel comfortable being bridesmaid. Tell her that you want to relax and enjoy her day as a guest. I wouldn't waste my energy on trying to explain to a bride who's so wrapped up in her wedding that she's being selfish. Honestly she sounds a pain.. 😵

MarthasGinYard Fri 20-Apr-18 08:53:02

Has the maid of honour <chief pro's and cons list 'winner'> grin

Already quit?

LoveProsecco Fri 20-Apr-18 09:00:36

She sounds dreadful!

Definitely try to sell the dress to recoup costs. I agree if you stay as BM you'll need do cope with more issues and it sounds like even more unexpected costs.

I don't agree with BMs having to buy their own dress. However it's even worse to then make you buy something so over budget that you don't feel comfortable in

mommybear1 Fri 20-Apr-18 09:01:11

Run OP run like the wind grin in all seriousness this happened to me, bride cheated in less than a year and she and I know like never speak particularly as she also had £500 from me and never paid me back!

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy Fri 20-Apr-18 09:10:37

To reiterate all the posters above - walk away.
She is treating you like a prop in her performance not a human being and certainly not a friend.

I would also write a very strongly worded complaint letter about that shop on social media - what a hideous way to be treated. Insulting your clientele so callously is a ridiculous way to behave.

You have been through enough on behalf of this bloody woman - put a stop to it now. You told her you only have the budget for £100 and so you cannot and will not be paying for alterations or anything else, and as she has disregarded your budget and wishes you feel you can no longer be part of the wedding as it is unaffordable and unmanageable and is making you miserable.

I cannot understand these 'bridezillas' They do get that it's basically a party to celebrate signing a legal document?! Yet they are prepared to destroy friendships and familial relationships in their pursuit of material perfection.... the mind boggles

SandyY2K Fri 20-Apr-18 09:57:34

Tell her your out. It's just ridiculous and what kind of bridal attendants work in thst shop to say such horrible things.

I'd have been furious. How dare she talk to you like that. Enough is enough

HariboIsMyCrack Fri 20-Apr-18 10:02:12

That's not a wedding, it's a panto.

There are v few people's weddings I care enough about to casually drop £1k on and she sounds like a cow. Run away OP, and don't look back!

Looner123 Fri 20-Apr-18 13:10:51

Chief bridesmaid walked away from the wedding and hasn’t spoken to the bride in about 10 months

Herja Fri 20-Apr-18 13:14:14

Just fuck that. Not a chance would I do that.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername Fri 20-Apr-18 13:17:01

Follow the lead of the chief bridesmaid lovely....and the advice of other posters...get out now

KateGrey Fri 20-Apr-18 13:31:28

I’d give up and walk away frankly. Why the hell are you stuff paying for stuff?! That’s awful.

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