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Stripper at wedding, but as a guest's plus one?!

(70 Posts)
Somnum Tue 20-Mar-18 07:58:39

I'm getting married this summer and one of my fiancé's friends (let's call him "D") – a 48-year-old divorcé who lives like a cliché (he's wealthy, tends to date 20somethings and introduces us to new 'girlfriends' every season) – met a stripper while he was out on another friend's recent stag (yes, in strip club). Only three weeks ago he messaged my fiancé asking "where's a good place to take a stripper for dinner?". My fiancé was laughing over the flurry of texts and couldn't help but share the craziness of it all.

D messaged me privately today on WhatsApp to say that he couldn't post in the main group (his latest girlfriend since January is in the group chat) because he's been dating the stripper and now she's his girlfriend.

I could see where this was heading, so I said, as nicely as possible, that I'm happy he's met someone he's into, but she is not invited to the wedding. He's now accusing me of being highly judgemental and that she is just someone whom he's met and she's a very nice person.

How would you all feel in my situation. I don't think I'm being judgemental. Do you?

Redtartanshoes Tue 20-Mar-18 08:01:28

What difference does her occupation make? Would you let her attend if she wears a vet or a teacher?

HerSymphonyAndSong Tue 20-Mar-18 08:03:04

Do you think she is going to strip at the wedding confused

fuzzywuzzy Tue 20-Mar-18 08:03:06

They may not even be together by your wedding.

Tell him numbers are limited so only close friends are invited?

HeyMacWey Tue 20-Mar-18 08:03:11

Erm, do you not want her there because she's a stripper or because she's a new girlfriend and unlikely to be around for long?

If it's the first, then yes you're being very judgemental? Why does it matter that she's a stripper? She's hardly going to launch into her act at the wedding. hmm

Ginmakesitallok Tue 20-Mar-18 08:03:50

She's not likely to strip during the wedding is she? If you gave him a +1 invite you don't get to dictate who the +1 is

HerSymphonyAndSong Tue 20-Mar-18 08:03:53

This is daily mail fodder for sure

strawberrysparkle Tue 20-Mar-18 08:03:55

You're not been unreasonable to not invite her because she's only been around a few weeks but you are unreasonable to not inviting her because of her profession.

Jaxtellerswife Tue 20-Mar-18 08:03:57

Is everyone allowed a plus one?

MauriceTheSpaceCowboy Tue 20-Mar-18 08:04:12

Yes you’re being very judgmental.

If your friend would normally have a plus one, then he should still get that.

Ifailed Tue 20-Mar-18 08:04:38

will everyone at your wedding be wearing badges showing their occupation?

ProseccoPoppy Tue 20-Mar-18 08:04:54

Regardless of her occupation, that is far far too new a relationship for a wedding invitation, surely? We only invited long term partners where we were friends with one of a couple (rather than couple friends if that makes sense). As that worked out in our friendship circle, it was all married or engaged couples.

LizzieSiddal Tue 20-Mar-18 08:05:20

confused if they’re in a relationship and you’ve given him a plus one invite, you can’t choose who he brings.

Her career is non of your business.

user1493413286 Tue 20-Mar-18 08:06:20

I don’t think her profession is anything to do with it. If they’re still together by the summer they will have been together approx 3-5 months so it depends how you feel about having someone come with someone they aren’t in an established relationship with.
We had a cut off point of 4 months so if they’d been together less than 4 months we didn’t invite them as we didn’t want people at our wedding who were only a casual thing and we had to confirm numbers/invites 4 months ahead

ThinkingOfCeline Tue 20-Mar-18 08:07:06

I'm a bit confused? Is the latest girlfriend since January and the stripper the same woman? Or is he cheating? Or is the lady in the chat now an ex girlfriend?

It's fair to say no to inviting someone on the basis that they've only known the friend for 3 weeks so don't really qualify as a "partner". It's not fair if the reason you're saying no is because she's a stripper.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Tue 20-Mar-18 08:10:06

I agree that if you've already said he can bring a guest, then you don't get to rule her out on account of her job.
D sounds like a total sleaze though. You might be better off inviting the new gf and not him! Laughing with his mates about her being a stripper, in fact going to see a stripper in the first place (esp as this seems to have 'overlapped' his previous relationship with the gf who is still in your group chat) is not at all classy. But you are worried about her?

Soubriquet Tue 20-Mar-18 08:12:10

Yes you're judgemental

Would the same thing apply if she was a nurse or a doctor?

If the answer is no, then you are very judgemental indeed.

She's a stripper. That's it. I'm sure she knows to keep her clothes on hmm

niceupthedance Tue 20-Mar-18 08:16:24

Some of my best friends are former strippers and they are wonderful. You don't sound like a very nice person.

Somnum Tue 20-Mar-18 08:18:20

It's because he's had 4 girlfriends this past year and a) has not treated any of them nicely, b) doesn't need to invite such a new girlfriend to a wedding and c) going by his past behaviour, he's immensely impulsive so gets into ladies as quickly as he gets out of them. It's everything together.

It's not so black and white why I have issues. They've only known each other for 3 weeks and he's talking about inviting her to a wedding?! Why can't they, like most people, go on nice dinners and trips together for 6 months, thoroughly get to know each other and then start attending weddings together?

I basically don't want a random who - going by his usual antics - won't stay around for long - in my wedding photos. Let's say they'd been dating and had a steady relationship, I wouldn't mind at all.

He invited his last-but-one gf of several months to a mutual friend's wedding in Europe last year and kicked up a fuss when the bride and groom were umm'ing and errr'ing. She attended in the end and it was a rocky trip for them. Lots of arguments and him telling her to pack up and go home while we were in a difficult place to get to at the time. She was crazy about him until he made her cry and storm out of the restaurant because he was flirting with a table of women next to us.

I just don't want his craziness in my life and especially not on a day that's so important to me. He is only interested in taking his new squeeze to my wedding because a) he wants to impress her and b) he wants to show her off to the male guests.

It's not wholly about what she does for work (I appreciate that we all go through our trials and tribulations to earn a living in life). Sure, it does come into it slightly and is only enhanced by the fact that I don't know her and am not really interested in getting to know her if it's just about getting her an invite. There are a lot of factors at play here.

Haha, yes, it does read like a crazy article from The Daily Fail, doesn't it? That's how he lives his life, though. He's a divorcé who left his wife when his firstborn was 18 months after having an affair with a subordinate at work. I guess I shouldn't judge him on that, either.

FauxFox Tue 20-Mar-18 08:20:48

Maybe don’t invite him at all - he sounds like a complete idiot confused

Ifailed Tue 20-Mar-18 08:21:06

I think you need to replace the washer on that tap.

Bananamanfan Tue 20-Mar-18 08:22:40

He is judgemental "where do you take a stripper out for dinner?" FFS!
I suspect this is where your discomfort comes from. He is trying to make your your DH jealous, your DH in turn is reminding you of your place and your purpose, that's what all this laddish bantz is designed to do. Let him bring his latest squeeze, be totally uninterested in his 'outrageous'love life and don't add any fuel to the fire that keeps him centre of attention.

Somnum Tue 20-Mar-18 08:24:45

No, he is the only person with a Plus One and as far as I was aware, it was his up-until-he-announced-it-yesterday, girlfriend who is in our chat group. I've met her several times and am happy for her to attend.

All other guests are single people not bringing a Plus One, individuals with their partners or spouses.

whiskyowl Tue 20-Mar-18 08:27:52

All your wedding guests are single?!

livefornaps Tue 20-Mar-18 08:28:16

The thing is. If you knew he was walking daily mail fodder, why issue a plus one in the first place? You sort of walked into that one.

It's not you reducing her to her profession - it's him!!! He's the one who wants to tell the anecdote "that time I brought a stripper to a wedding". Misogynist twat. Put your foot down. This is not to do with how you view other women, this is him seeing your wedding as a filter for future "banter". Tell him he can fuck off.

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