Random Wedding Advice questions for newbie

[London137]

I'm planning our wedding by myself as DP works super long hours and would really appreciate some advice on a few details. I have never been a 'wedding person' so I don't know what I'm doing! Am excited about our day am not really into all the bridezilla things and traditions - DP is the same.

Context - We are having a winter wedding in the evening - marriage, followed by cocktail hour, 3 course meal and dancing. Black tie dress code, but without many formal wedding elements such as walking down aisle, cake, first dance etc.

Questions (as I literally have no clue):
Are buttonholes appropriate (or necessary) for black tie / evening?
As DP and I are walking down aisle together shall I just forgo the bridal bouquet?
In fact do we need flowers at all given the venue will be decorated with Christmas stuff, log fires, garlands on the staircases etc?

Any clever ideas for how we segue from the sit down meal in one room to the dancing in another (we are not having cake or first dance etc).

Finally, does one have any music playing during the marriage itself, e.g. whilst gusts are sitting waiting? is an iPod playlist a but naff / cheesy at this point? (as we are already spending money on band for later).

Thanks so much!!

[inappropriateraspberry]

You can have or not have whatever you want! It sounds lovely. If you're not walking up the aisle a bouquet prob isn't necessary, but it's good to have something to hold and do with your hands. Instead of buttonholes, how about pocket handkerchiefs just to add some colour, or have xmassy holly?
It's really up to you - ask your DP if he wants buttonholes, it would be nice for him to have some involvement.

[GreenTulips]

The venue will ask for your music choice or suggest some - ask
Button holes aren't necessary if it's black tie
Yes you need a bouquet to bring your hands in when walking down the isle - some are £50 ish and you can tie in to the Christmas theme
Ask about the flo of the dinner at the venue - usually they move you into a holding room for a drink while they clear the tables and set up the stage etc - ask

[specialsubject]

why do you need to hold dead flowers to 'bring your hands in'???? Just walk like you always do. The thing will be a nuisance after its five minutes of use, and winter flowers are limited anyway. Guests won't care. Food, drink, comforts, good music (not so loud they can't talk) and a happy couple are all that matters.

[HolyShmoly]

Firstly, I agree with inappropriateraspberry you can absolutely do whatever you want, it's your wedding, your money, your choice (within reason - the venue might not let you have silly string spray instead of confetti, for example.)

I agree as well about having a lovely pocket hanky instead of a boutonniere if you fancy. Or, if you do want one, you could keep it seasonal with a small sprig of holly or thistle.
With a bouquet, I absolutely wanted one but that's because I love flowers. I did like having something in my hands too, but again it's up to you.
Will the venue have an mc or does anyone in your family/close friends have a nice loud voice to announce that the dancing will now be starting in the other room? Even if you don't have an official 'first dance' I do recommend that you and your DH kick off the dancing and line up a good few friends and family members to join in for the first few numbers at the very least. Get the band to invite everyone on the dancefloor. Once some people are on the dancefloor, others should get on it too.
Get around 30/40 minutes of music on an ipod playlist. For waiting at the start and then at the end when you're signing the paperwork. Think about if you want a special song as you both walk in or when you leave. If it's just the chorus or a certain part that you like see if you can get a version with just that bit.


(I bloody love weddings.)

[StupideSaucisse]

Your wedding - do EXACTLY whatever you want to do. At our wedding we adopted some traditions, but left out an awful lot of the traditional stuff.

We didn't do bridesmaids, we didn't do the full day of a ceremony, reception and evening party. I didn't do a flower toss. We didn't have traditional vows. Our music choices weren't traditional. Our wedding location wasn't traditional. We didn't have a traditional cake. Our outfits weren't traditional. We didn't do the formality of a 'top table' and completely left out speeches.

Our guests said it was the most fun wedding they'd every been to because it was different to the usual. We basically cut out all the crap most people hate about weddings.

It's your day - do it entirely your way. There are no rules.

[London137]

Thank you. :-) Yes, we are definitely up for doing what we want and have abandoned pretty much all those traditions you mention StupideSaucisse as well. Love the ideas for buttonhole alternatives.

The sit down meal is in a room of it's own up the stairs and the dancing will be downstairs, so there will be no worries about waiting for tables to be cleared. We have been organising timings so that there is no waiting around at any stage of the evening (one of my wedding guest bugbears). We are really after what specialsubject says - good food, drinks, music and atmosphere and a relaxed fun time for everyone.

I guess it's just that because I've never thought about weddings before I'm not confident with some of the segue moments, such as how to link the different parts (arrival drinks / ceremony / cocktail hour / meal / dancing). I'm not sure about it just because I don't know how to do it in a less formal way without a stuffy announcement or me an DP having to pose / lead the way / procession in and out, or be announced etc etc!

So far we have a jazz band during cocktail hour and then thinking of booking a 1 hour live band set followed by 2 hrs DJ set after the meal. No thoughts yet on music during ceremony or during meal.

[Helpmeplan]

London I'm planning ours on my own as well so happy to hand hold!