Who to invite to a small wedding ceremony?

[MissKrampus]

Haven't arranged anything yet but every now and then I think about someone that had me at their wedding and feel panic/guilt. Because I just want something very small and intimate and to not be the "star of the show/centre of attention". Ideally I'd like to run off and do it with a couple of random witnesses (heard about a colleague who did just that today) but realistically I think we'll end up having a small ceremony and lunch with family and small group of friends.

Anyway, in the last few weeks I've been in social settings with people who invited me to their weddings. Two of these women are my best friend's sister and a mutual friend of ours. Both are now married with kids. We're FB friends but aside from get togethers with my best friend and her family I rarely see them nowadays. I also recently met up with another friend whose reception I attended (she got married abroad). Of course she was asking when we are getting married. All of these people had sizeable traditional weddings. I don't personally know anyone who just had a tiny ceremony and no fuss afterwards.

Is it really bad that I just want it really small. And even if I invited these people (whom I see very infrequently) then I would have to invite their husbands and kids as well? Can you imagine if I sent them an invitation (or a text/FB message lol) saying "You're invited to Krampus' wedding!" with no mention of husband and kids being invited too? I don't think that would go down well at all. It's not just my hatred for being the centre of attention either, we really don't have lots of money to splash out on feeding/entertaining a large group.

Would you be really offended if you were invited to your best friend's wedding but your partner and kids weren't?

Also my friends are all in small groups. It's not like one big group of friends who all hang out. Sure they know of each other mostly but they're not used to being in each others company. It would feel a bit awkward I think. And that's just my friends, there's DP's family and friends to think of too (they live overseas). Ugh even organising something tiny is stressful and I've not even started yet!

[TheHolidayArmadillo]

We wanted a really small wedding and we had to admit to ourselves that the only way we could avoid the “if we invite x we have to invite y” was to not invite any friends and keep it to just family. We had 17 people there with us, it was perfect for us.

I wouldn’t be offended if DH and the DC weren’t invited, but I’ve seen enough wedding threads here to know that people will be.

[shakeyourcaboose]

If i did our wedding again.... Married at 24, dictated by parents... I would only invite those I would be willing to take out for dinner and spend £50+ a head on!

[thedevilinablackdress]

You really can do it with just 2 witnesses, I did. No need to put yourself through the stress.

[thedevilinablackdress]

But if you do decide to invite some people don't be including people you don't really know that well out of obligation. And most people probably wouldn't appreciate a 'just you and no partner etc' Again I speak from experience 🙄

[ziggy1986]

I am having this dilemma just now.

I would ideally like to have 35-40 for ceremony and lunch (family only and maybe a couple of close friends), followed by a bigger party for 150.

However even choosing a couple of close friends to come all day I think is going to end up causing offence. And I have people speaking to me like they expect to be invited all day already. Have dropped a few hints that it might be family only during the day but still feeling the weight of expectation.

I totally know what you mean about having friends that are very dear friends and whose wedding you attended but just not wanting all the fuss. This is my second wedding too and I just feel embarrassed about having something big - much happier with the idea of small ceremony but big party.

[MissKrampus]

Well my best friend and her sister's parents paid for their weddings. Mine won't be doing that. They paid for DB's photographer (I think) but I don't expect them to pay for anything. I don't even think we'll have a proper photographer. I would hate having to pose for hours! I'm really awkward haha.

So we need to keep it very cheap. So either small ceremony and lunch for whoever comes (might be expensive?!) or small ceremony and 'party' of sorts after. Although it would be a very boring party because we don't have lots of friends and my family is very small.

[TheHolidayArmadillo]

It doesn’t have to be boring! We had our ceremony at a registrars, our meal was at a nice gastropub place near the registrar and then we all went back to PIL’s for champagne and wedding cake. It was so un-stressful, and I actually got to enjoy the day.

Our meal came to about £200 for everyone picking what they wanted off the menu. It was at lunchtime so most people just went for a main and a drink because we were going back for cake. The whole day including rings, outfits, the ceremony came to under £1000. Honestly, don’t overthink it.

[meandmytinfoilhat]

What about a wedding with random witnesses and then have a small celebration in a function hall with friends and family.

[Mybabystolemysanity]

Ours was limited to people we would happily spend £50 having dinner with too

We had about 17, mostly family. Haven't actually seen any of the friends since (2 years in March). Elope if you want to. You only get the day once.

[MissKrampus]

I wonder if small ceremony + buffet lunch would be ok? Rather than a sit down meal (which would work out pretty dear even for about 10-20 folk!)

[Mybabystolemysanity]

If your wedding is anything like ours, nobody (including us) really wanted a sit down meal because it got in the way of boozing and socialising. A few sausage rolls would have been much better!

[MissKrampus]

I'm wondering if the venue people would be annoyed if I had a post wedding ceremony buffet in one of their rooms rather than forking out for a big party or whatever? Obviously they want to make as much money as possible and nothing says "ker-ching" like a wedding.

I mean, is it good manners to tell them you're getting married and just having a small group of people for food afterwards? They'd find out I guess even if I'm not wearing a proper wedding dress.

[Elderpond]

We had a very small venue and asked close friends and family only. Partners were invited in the evening where we could have a few more.

It actually helped people out with babysitters etc was easier for them to find someone to have the kids in the evening only.

They were all very understanding.