Hen Party Drama...

[NoSurprisesPlease]

Please help me figure out how to deal with this situation...

My MoH offered to plan my hen party for me. This seemed lovely and very sweet of her at the time. I stipulated that I was looking for a certain part of the country and the emphasis on relaxing and pampered.

A few weeks later she said where I wanted was too expensive and not enough to do because people would certainly want to go off and do things... so she changed the location.

Now she wants me to make an fb group and add all of the people I want to invite then vacate the group so they can thrash out budgets and stuff

I said I don’t want a surprise. She insists. I said we have to discuss it first before putting it to my friends and family and a surprise is not what I want. She says I need to trust her.

How do I make her see that she is not doing this for the right reasons if she doesn’t respect my wishes? I don’t want to get in an argument but it seems to be happening anyway!

[CheapSausagesAndSpam]

Oh organise your own. Can't be doing with all this bother myself. It's supposed to be fun.

She sounds like a shit MOH tbh.

[putdownyourphone]

If you don’t want a surprise then I think you need to organise it yourself

[Justmuddlingalong]

Would she 'trust you' to choose her wedding outfit without her seeing it and then present her with the bill?

[Doobigetta]

Why don't you do as she's asked, but make the rules clear. Set up the Facebook group, and then do an introductory post saying "Hi all, MoH has asked me to start this group so she can contact you about my hen do. I'm under strict instructions to leave the group now so it's a surprise! Thank you MoH and all of you for looking after me like this. Can I just ask that you bear in mind, so everyone is able to take part, that whatever we do is only over one weekend, not more than x miles away from home town, and doesn't go over £x per head."
That way, you've publicly set the limits so everyone knows they can say no to her if she goes over, without upsetting you, but you've also made it clear how much you appreciate her. Tbh I wish I'd thought of doing this for my own.

[VodkaRevelation]

Does she want the glory of being thanked by everyone for planning such a fabulous hen do for you? If you are involved in the planning she gets less glory. Just tell her you don’t want a surprise. Set up a group and stay in it until decisions about when, what and where are maxed and then leave so your MiL and other guests can sort out little details and surprises for you.

[VodkaRevelation]

*made not maxed!

[ClaryFray]

She's being selfish. My friend isn't a clubbed or drinker. So three of us went bowling, then had dinner and drinks, she loved it.

Plan your own, or have a stern talk to her.

[HeckyPeck]

It doesn't sound like she'd listen to any instructions or limits and she might end up bulldozing everyone.

Can you take control back, but give her something to do? Maybe picking lunch or favours or something to keep relations going well?

[PlaymobilPirate]

Just have a meal and a few drinks near home... nobody really wants to give up a whole weekend and spend £££ on a hen.

[loopdeeloo]

Definitely organise yourself. I really regretted not doing mine. I let someone else organise mine and when they initially organised it I said please make it local and cheap as my friends can’t afford anything otherwise. (I was young and none of my friends could afford what my older moh thought ‘appropriate’)
I specified ideas such as cupcake making/cocktail making and something that was just fun and brought everyone together. I definitely knew what I didn’t want anyway.
My moh then behind my back asked everyone to come to a £100 London evening river dinner cruise which was inaccessible to most for many reasons and certainly not something I would have wanted. No one but my two best friends made it and they later told me they struggled to get the £100 together.
Just do it yourself!!! No rules around who has to organise it. You can say why years down the line. One of the friends who came still says it’s a shame I didn’t ask her instead of who organised mine. I can only wish I had now.

[Olddear]

Six of us went to the local Indian for a curry.....great night!!

[thecatsthecats]

Just organise it yourself. She's outright told you that you can't trust her, because she wants to organise a surprise, therefore it definitely won't be what you have explicitly said what you wanted.

I have passed on a list of instructions to my sister, and she is explicitly in charge of mine. However, she is the person I share whinges with about badly done hen dos, including two others that my other bridesmaids have organised! (I'm letting her enjoy the political minefield of shooting down ideas that they thought were great and I thought were shit at the time)