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dreading my own wedding

(8 Posts)
Gettingwed Wed 06-Dec-17 21:59:29

so i am getting married in 10 weeks and i am scared shitless to the point of im not looking forward to it in the slightest. I cant wait for it to be over and to just be his wife. I adore him.
BUT i hate hate hate being watched or looked at. i despise being centre of attention and struggle with public speaking. I get hot, red and sweaty just thinking about walking down the aisle
we are having to a smaller wedding and inviting additional guest for the evening reception party. But despite not wanting a big day/ audience i do want a good party but the invites have gone out and not many are showing interest for coming, i feel there is a lot of noses out of joint for not getting a full day invite.

so now i have the initial worries plus i would feel utterly humilated if the hall was empty on the night.

i am also nervous about my dress, i bought it off the hanger on sale so was only £100 and im convinced now it looks like cheap shit. feel like im going to be so judged.
this is contributed towards my fiances family, they are a bitchy judgemental bunch.

arghhhh someone talk me down. i want to enjoy our day but right now it makes me want to cry.

we registered our intent to marry today and he was so excited after out appointment but i wasnt.

Peachyking000 Thu 07-Dec-17 07:52:03

So, lots of your guests are moaning about an evening only invitation and your DH to be has an awful family. I’d say fuck that, and elope instead. No point spending a fortune on a day that you are dreading

LittleCandle Thu 07-Dec-17 08:16:14

Yep, I second peachy. Elope - book the registry office, grab a couple of folk off the street to witness and just get on with it. The wedding part is not important - the marriage is important and if people are being judgy about it, tell them to fuck off. Do what you want, not what others want.

Or, if your fiance does want a bigger do, then take a deep breath. the only public speaking you will do is your vows and only the minister, God and your fiance need to hear the words. You don't need to make a speech. If people don't turn up at the reception, cut them from your life. My college friends didn't turn up at my wedding reception. I barely gave any of them a thought again.

Talk to your fiance. He might not want the whole rigmarole of a fancy wedding either. Unless your/his family are paying for things, then you decide what you do or don't want.

Gettingwed Thu 07-Dec-17 22:16:20

we're paying it all ourselves. we actually thought when we first got engaged that we would just go get wed just us and that be that but i think it would hurt our parents. I know my parents would be crushed to not be invited. so we decided a day with just out immediate families and closest friends to witness the actual wedding and have the meal then aunts, cousins and friends etc to the evening.

no one has moaned to us, but we arent getting much back in sense of acknowledgement of invite or response to let us know if they are coming.

i just cant wait for it to be over.
Fiance comes from huge family and to them a small wedding is only 200people all day. i honestly dont know that many people haha

ChristinaW16 Thu 07-Dec-17 22:25:49

I felt exactly like you before my wedding. I didn't want to get involved in any "traditions" like favours and what not, I HATE being the centre of attention, I knew I wouldn't like how I looked etc etc. It all just felt so negative and I just wanted to be married.

BUT when the day came, it was lovely! I wore my (£65!) ebay dress, I did my own make up, I drove myself to the venue with a close friend who chatted to me while I got ready. Everyone who was there was there because they wanted to see us happy, and it was honestly lovely.

Please don't worry too much. It is overwhelming. But it's a happy day, and everyone is there because they want to me. I was dreading it, but loved every second :-)

Gettingwed Thu 07-Dec-17 22:46:44

Thanks Christina, thats just want i needed to hear.

i just looked at a pic of myself in the dress from when i tried it on and my heart sunk a little but in all honesty I cant remember a single wedding dress from any wedding ive been to. even my own sisters so im telling myself i dont care in hope i can convince myself.

i really hope i do enjoy it on the day. but still cant wait to wake up the next day laying next to my husband

MaidofHulaHoopz Sat 24-Feb-18 07:54:06

I didn't enjoy my wedding - it got sabotaged by my family and in laws. I also spent a huge amount of time worrying about how they might spoil the day in the run up to it. Like you I also cannot stand being watched, or judged.

If I could do it all again I would absolutely cancel the big wedding and elope. It's just not worth spending all that money on a day with people who don't have your back.

Sometimes we worry for a reason - so listen to how you feel. I didn't start married life as I wanted to, and felt pretty crappy - and then guilty, too, for having those feelings. So I would advise not going down the big wedding route if you really feel it isn't right for you.

ImListening Sat 24-Feb-18 08:00:47

If your fiancé doesn’t want a big wedding cancel the whole thing. My BIL had a fab wedding. It was immediate family only so parents, siblings & partners nephews & nieces. Honestly it was the best wedding ever. They had a joint wedding party/housewarming Bbq a few months later but the bride wore shorts & tshirt so was very relaxed!

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