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Full on melt down

(12 Posts)
mumof2sarah Mon 20-Nov-17 18:55:13

Sorry in advance but Ive actually just realised I'm actually getting married and should get my arse moving 🙈

1) bridesmaids - how did you decide who to have? How many are you having? And do any of you have any regrets of who you've chosen and why?
2) the church is booked (2019) but we're seriously considering cancelling it and doing a very small secret wedding earlier, probably same church as it holds a lot of special memories for us all. Has anyone does this?
3) guest list - arrrrgggghhhhh that should explain it 🙈 how did you decide who came to the day bit (ceremony and meal?) I'm so panicked by it all, I'm a people pleaser (which I hate but can't snap out of) and I'm so worried of offending someone or upsetting them by not inviting them to the day bit - help me 😩
4) mother of the groom - now me and her have a very strange relationship, she doesn't like a lot of the way me and OH keep our little family to ourselves a lot of the time (he works long hours so when he is off we do things just us and she hates the fact we don't invite her or see her constantly (like her other son) but we get on so well when we do spend time together and do love each dearly (I know it's very strange) everyone in her family says she's a very selfish person which explains the whole not liking us having our time. She was a bit put out when we asked OHs dad to sign the register along with my mum as she feels like my dad (walking me down the aisle) and then those two have something and she doesn't. The thing is (and something I've not mentioned yet) I said as soon as we made those decisions I didn't want her to not do something and I wanted her to be apart of the day with a special job like the others. I do love her dearly but I'm really struggling to come up with an idea (she won't do a reading which is why I've not asked her to do that!) so ANY IDEAS of a special job for her?

I'll leave it at that for now but might ask a million other questions now I've realised there's an actual wedding thread on here😂😂 THANKYOU IN ADVANCE XX

glenthebattleostrich Mon 20-Nov-17 18:56:58

MaiL to be can do a reading perhaps?

NorthernLurker Mon 20-Nov-17 19:19:39

DM journalists really need to try harder.

Mermaidblue Mon 20-Nov-17 19:20:53

Your wedding is still way off and you are already stressing so much? It's meant to be a daughter of celebration, about you and your partner, not a stress fest that you are going to throw a load of money at. Just elope, like you suggested- go in secret, enjoy each other, save your self the anxiety, and s load of money!!

Mermaidblue Mon 20-Nov-17 19:21:36

*a day of celebration (not daughter -doh!)

paap1975 Tue 21-Nov-17 07:34:41

I think you're getting a bit too caught up in the whole fairy-tale wedding/massive expense/huge pressure thing.

Have a wedding you can afford to pay for yourself. That way, no-one gets any say on how you do things.

Bridesmaids, not having any. No silly dresses, no who prefers who over who. My friends will help me get ready and will give a hand on the day if needed (because they're my friends, not because I gave them a silly dress and an "official" title).

Guest list: people you really wouldn't want to miss it. For us that's close family (about 20 each) and closest friends (about 20 total). You do not need to invite everyone you know. People for some reason feel so entitled (the girl who does my nails informed me she would pay for her own meal if I let her come?!?)

Mother of the groom: if she is feeling left out, then something like a reading is a good idea, but you say she won't do one. Could she walk the groom up the aisle? I've seen this done. If not, a small welcome at the start of the dinner?

Anyway, don't put too much pressure on yourself or you'll explode before you get to the wedding!

QuantumPixies Tue 21-Nov-17 07:37:16

2019 is at least a year away. confused

KatyaZamolodchikova Tue 21-Nov-17 07:48:07

I’m getting married in 2019 too. I’m having my sister as my maid of honour, my stepdaughter (who will be 12) as my bridesmaid and DP’s cousins daughter as my flower girl (we’re close to his cousin & family, we see them mainly as friends). There’ll not be fancy dresses, just something they each like, probably from the high street.

We have 60 for the day part, but a lot of that is down to my excessively large extended family on my dad’s side. We’ve invited all aunts & uncles, and a few of our closest friends. The guest list for the evening is harder as we are right on numbers due to capacity of our venue. But we’ll figure it out.

I can’t think of a job for mil though. Mine was sad that we chose a booked a venue before she’d seen it. DP explained it was our wedding and we’d make our own decisions. It’s open to the public thought, so
I’ve promised to take her to see it to keep her happy! It’s not a hard think to do and will make her happy so no problem for me there.

elQuintoConyo Tue 21-Nov-17 08:05:58

No bridesmaids. DH told me his friend's wife was disappointed that we didn't want her 9yo as a bridesmaid. Tough cheese.

Dmil was on her deathbed, so my sister led DH into the registry office. He asked her on the day and it really touched her (she had flown in from the antipodes as a surprise, neither of us knew she was coming! ). Could your Mil walk your future-DH in?

We had 50 at our wedding in total. No B-list for the evening.

No one did any readings. My Dad did a speech, my Mum did a speech and there was a surprise speech from DH's "characterful" Uncle. It was hilarious. DFil left after lunch (before speeches) to be with DMil (totally fine with us).

It was a totally stress-free wedding. Paperwork (i'm in forrin) was a giant pain in the culo but the rest was 123 easy as abc grin

I think you need to sort out what is important to YOU, not 'how can i have a fairytale Kardashian wedding'. So, offer your Mil to walk dh down the aisle - if she declines, then that is it. You have offered a reading and a walking, if she wants neither then so be it.

Decide on bridesmaids who are good friends or close family, not because you need to make up the numbers or that two skinny ones balance out the fat one*

Don't tell anyone stuff then you won't havebto listen to others whinging or explain your choices. Eg cake - i don't like that bakery, cousin X's cake was from there and it was crap. Eg colour scheme - no one suits orange bridesmaids dresses. Eg music - how old fashioned/predictable/cliché. Ad infinitum.

Have one hen night, at home: dinner and pub.
If you have bridemaids, then pay for everything: dress, shoes, hair, makeup.
Don't make the groomsmen wear 3-piece suits, they look like idiots.
Provide a free bar - or at least free for the first hour/hour and a half or something.

* this is a Monty Python reference to Leonardo's painting of the Last Supper with 3 Jesuses!

SheffieldStealer Tue 21-Nov-17 09:16:21

You are way over thinking this. Don't tell anyone anything yet. It'll only give them well over a year to get pissy about it. If people start asking, just say, 'Oh, we'll think about that nearer the time... it's not even 2018 yet!'* even if you've quietly made a list. Repeat repeat repeat.

A lot can change in the space of 18 months.


*seriously, it's not even 2018 yet.

Doobigetta Tue 21-Nov-17 20:40:45

" Don't tell anyone anything yet. It'll only give them well over a year to get pissy about it. If people start asking, just say, 'Oh, we'll think about that nearer the time... it's not even 2018 yet!'* even if you've quietly made a list. Repeat repeat repeat."

^^This. You'd be amazed what people get picky/arsey about. I think there's probably a lot to be said for discussing nothing so that the first people know about it is when they get the invitation. And then it's rude for them to moan, so they can only do it behind your back and you don't have to listen. We've bent over backwards to make our wedding easy/enjoyable/convenient/cheap for our guests and they still make a fuss. Eloping sounds pretty good to me.

TheHodgeHeg Thu 23-Nov-17 02:22:01

I'd let MIL be a witness if I were you. FILs name will be on the certificate anyway right? Plus I'm sure you can have four witnesses.

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