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Cash in lieu of gifts...

(45 Posts)
cf21 Wed 25-Oct-17 17:58:30

I’m sure this has been asked before, but I was wondering if people would share their opinions on asking for cash instead of a gift for a wedding.

I’ve lived with my partner for years, we have absolutely everything we could ever need, but we don’t have money for a honeymoon due to maternity pay and paying for the wedding.

I’ve been advised that it’s now common to pop a little poem in with the invite stating that you don’t want a gift, all you want is for the person to attend, but if they insist, help towards the honeymoon would be greatly appreciated.

Would you consider this rude? I would hate to ever offend anyone but if it was me, I would much rather help towards the honeymoon rather than waste money on an unneeded gift.

Orangedragonfly Wed 25-Oct-17 18:02:42

A friend of mine did this. I wouldn't think it rude.

rachrach2 Wed 25-Oct-17 18:05:37

I think it’s rude. I don’t like honeymoon contributions either, but a lot of people don’t mind. When I’ve received such requests I just buy a gift of my choosing.

TittyGolightly Wed 25-Oct-17 18:07:18

It's pretty tacky. (Unless you set up a honeymoon registry you could well spend the money on nappies, which while good for you, isn't really something your guests want to pay for!)

Ginfiend Wed 25-Oct-17 18:08:13

Hate the little poems. Really twee.

Just put a one liner at the bottom under ‘gift list’ (or what ever it’s called’ saying we have everything we need however we are building a honeymoon fund and contributions appreciated if you would like to gift or something

But no bloody poem

TittyGolightly Wed 25-Oct-17 18:09:02

Or sell tickets.

Or have a smaller/cheaper wedding.

Or elope.

Or have a honeymoon some other time.

SinglePringle Wed 25-Oct-17 18:12:29

I hate being asked for money for wedding gifts and I hate being asked to contribute to a honeymoon even more.

It’s incredibly tacky and rude. Why should I fund the holiday you can’t afford (is what goes through my mind). Awful.

I would buy a gift I would hope you would like / a memento of your marriage. Nothing useful but something beautiful (and if I were attending your wedding, I would have some insight into your taste) for you to keep.

iwantavuvezela Wed 25-Oct-17 18:13:46

I don't mind at all. I have given two different sets of people money (as asked, very politely in invite, no poem!).

Acopyofacopy Wed 25-Oct-17 18:17:46

Absolutely fine - no poem, though!

SingingSeuss Wed 25-Oct-17 18:18:40

The poem is incredibly grabby. If you want cash just don't have a gift list ( also tacky imo).

Nancy91 Wed 25-Oct-17 18:20:21

My friend did this and people were saying mean things about it behind her back. It was a bit cringe and I think she regrets it. I think you should leave the poem and just let people buy what they want for you. You could mention to best friends and close family that you'd prefer money?

TheNewMrs Wed 25-Oct-17 18:23:44

Honestly I think the poems are quite rude.. BUT I recently got married, and we received very few gifts smile DH and I had also lived together a while so I think most people just felt like money would be a better option for us. Also, the gifts we did get were great, a nice photo frame, a couple of mugs, wedding certificate holder etc things that are still nice to have as keepsakes.

cf21 Wed 25-Oct-17 18:23:50

Wow I’m really glad I asked now, it seems like it’s a very sensitive subject haha.

I’ve got my answer so I won’t be doing that then lol. to be honest, it goes against what I’m like and wasn’t sitting right with me anyway, hence why I asked. I’m always the person who tells everyone not to get them anything for Christmas, birthdays, etc.

I obviously wouldn’t be selling tickets to my wedding 🙄, and while I could have done it cheaper, I’ve done extra bits to make sure my guests have an amazing, enjoyable day and I’m glad I have. The only thing that matters is my guests be happy and I marry my soulmate so thanks for the advice everyone grin

cf21 Wed 25-Oct-17 18:30:43

Thanks so much everyone.

Imagine if i hadn’t asked on here. Eurgh blushblush the shame.

I feel relieved to be honest! I wasn’t comfortable with it.

grannytomine Wed 25-Oct-17 18:33:08

I think it is rude to ask for presents or money, however, if people ask what you would like or if you have a wedding list then saying money is fine by me. I would prefer being asked for money than people saying they don't want anything because I would want to give them something. I have bought euros or dollars for people in the past if I know where the honeymoon is and then I have had a photo of them having a special meal or trip that they have used the money for. I like that.

Hugepeppapigfan Wed 25-Oct-17 18:37:30

A friend of mine used Honeyfund

messyjessy17 Wed 25-Oct-17 18:41:13

Imagine if i hadn’t asked on here. Eurgh blushblush the shame

In real life its totally normal to give cash instead of gifts. Most people even prefer it as its much less hassle and needs less thought.
It's only on MN its not done.

No poem though, everyone hates those ;)

VioletCharlotte Wed 25-Oct-17 18:41:28

Many people do this nowadays. I don't mind giving cash, just think it's better not to ask for anything. If there's an expectancy to give cash, you feel like it had to be a reasonable amount. Some people may only want to spend £10-£20 and prefer to give i something like a photo frame/ bottle of fizz, etc.

And please don't do a poem, these really make me cringe.

AhNowTed Wed 25-Oct-17 18:46:14

OP no need to ask for anything or even mention gifts. Because most folks these days will give you money anyway. And you won't have embarrassed yourself in the process 😀

LurkingQuietly Wed 25-Oct-17 18:50:55

Every single thread on this drives me mad. In what world do you go to a wedding not expecting to give a gift? Everyone expects to buy a gift anyway so if the couple want cash, surely it's just one less thing for you to do?

Re not putting it on invites, if you invite 100 people to your wedding, you're supposed to reply to 80 people asking what you want (cash!), and deal with 20 people buying you shit you don't want?

Asking for cash is totally fine, providing you're genuinely grateful whatever the amount in the card is.

EggysMom Wed 25-Oct-17 19:06:48

This really is a marmite topic - some people think cash is a good idea (saves having to choose a gift, saves any duplication); others find the idea of funding a luxury honeymoon abhorrent. To be honest, asking on MumsNet won't give a fair representation of how your relatives would feel, you'd be better asking them.

rachrach2 Wed 25-Oct-17 19:07:05

LurkingQuietly - it’s responses like that that make me think I should take people are their word as ‘my presence is more important than presents’ and not give them shit they don’t want. I don’t gift cash/contribute to honeymoons as a wedding gift but I like to buy a thoughtful gift but maybe I shouldn’t bother going to the effort and expense!

LurkingQuietly Wed 25-Oct-17 20:11:30

Rach as terrible as it sounds, I really do think what people think others want is often wildly different from what they actually want. At my wedding, we were really, really clear that we didn't want gifts. Guess what, got some cash, and vouchers which were very appreciated and not at all expected. And we got some gifts that I'm sure people thought were thoughtful but are actually just more things to have out on display.

Jeffers3 Wed 25-Oct-17 20:13:31

I hate being asked for money, the latest wedding I went to I was asked for money and the bride's sort code and account number was written underneath!
I tend to buy a thoughtful gift or a voucher for an activity. Last wedding I went to the I gave vouchers so that the bride and groom could go to a pottery making class.

Bonelessbanquet Wed 25-Oct-17 20:24:17

I’d rather give money than buy someone a voucher for a pottery making class confused I wouldn’t want too waste money on an unwanted gift.

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