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Wedding Crisis.. Help.

(15 Posts)
JiminnyCricket Mon 18-Sep-17 12:51:06

So we were planning our wedding for April 2018.

Very very tragically, 3 weeks ago we found out that FiL2b has terminal cancer and the liklihood is he won't be with us then, or he'll be very ill by that stage sad

DP and MiL decided they'd like to move the wedding forward and I and my family have agreed it's the best thing to do for everyone. We'd already put deposits down on lots of things but our lovely suppliers have all returned them due to the circumstances.

So, now we're getting married in 6 weeks time and I need some opinions on whether the following wedding plan is appropriate given the circumstances and whether or not if you were invited you'd enjoy it?

Background: Our original wedding was very fun and in a villiage hall, we had a really slapstick comedy band playing and the feel of the whole day was a bit tongue in cheek. Everything was DIY. We've been together 10 years (no children) so it was more a 10 year anniversary party than a wedding if that makes sense. The tone of that didn't feel right now though and we don't have enough time to do it all DIY so now the plan is:

Venue: Country house hotel in a conservatory room
2pm: Ceremony
2:30pm: Drinks reception (no canapes) and photos
4pm: Afternoon tea (sandwiches, savories, cakes and scones) with 2 glasses of wine pp, tea and coffee
5:30pm: Speeches and toasts (champagne provided)
6:30pm: A lot of our guests are musicians and DP and I met at a music session, so we'll ask guests to bring instruments and have a big session/ open mic
7:30pm: Our wedding cake will be made from cheese and pork pie. We'll cut it and then this will become evening food.
10:30: finish

My concerns are:
Will people mind not being fed a hot meal?
There will be a cash bar, do we need to specify this on the invites?
Is the running order ok? Should we provide canapes to make sure people aren't hungry?

Thanks in advance!

user1493413286 Mon 18-Sep-17 13:00:36

I'm sorry about your father in law and it's lovely to bring it forward.
People will expect a cash bar so I wouldn't worry about that and I think with a ceremony at 2 people will have eaten lunch so afternoon tea at 4 is fine.
Could you provide bacon sandwiches or something similar in the evening to make sure people are full? If not then perhaps put on the invitation afternoon tea and savoury wedding cake in the evening (in a nicer way) so that people know to have a decent lunch before they come.
Also remember that it's your wedding day so as long as you, your partner (and obviously his father) enjoy it that's the main thing.

leedspirate Mon 18-Sep-17 13:14:05

It sounds lovely! And your cake sounds amazing! Good luck, hope it all goes well. And remember, of people don't like it they will never say it to your face x

amornin Mon 18-Sep-17 13:17:28

This sounds amazing, especially everyone bringing their instruments for an open mic!

Honestly, if I were attending I'd honestly be delighted that you'd managed to pull off bringing it forward and would be so pleased for you that I wouldn't mind what happened.

JiminnyCricket Mon 18-Sep-17 13:41:18

thanks everyone, honestly turning this around in 6 weeks has been a complete nightmare!

My mum has done the majority of it bless her, she managed to get me a venue, flowers and hair/ makeup booked in the space of 90 minutes!

IwillrunIwillfly Mon 18-Sep-17 13:57:55

That sounds lovely. I dont think anyone will be expecting a free bar (this only seems to exist in america and on mn!) but might be worth spreading the word that youre not doing the formal sit down 3 course meal so people know to have sandwiches at your afternoon tea (incase they think they better not fill up on sandwiches before a big meal if that makes sense?) If you can have the option of bacon rolls at night they'd prob go down well but if not i wouldnt worry, people will be too busy dancing had enjoying the music to care!

Hope you all have a wonderful day.

CotswoldStrife Mon 18-Sep-17 14:06:37

Sounds lovely but I would expect more food in the evening tbh - sandwiches at 4.00pm wouldn't take me through to 10.30pm even with pork pie later (and you could have cake then!). Not hot food (not a seat-down three course meal, I mean) but a bit more of a buffet or a running buffet throughout the day/evening. I don't expect a free bar at a wedding either!

Have a wonderful day!

CotswoldStrife Mon 18-Sep-17 14:07:46

Erm, take your pick from seated meal or sit-down meal but not seat-down!

holdthewine Mon 18-Sep-17 22:01:51

So sorry for your situation. How lovely that you're changing it for your FIL to be. The new plan sounds great. Especially having the music in house. My DS and his DW are musicians and all the music at theirs was provided by friends. Such a good atmosphere.

My concern would be no canapés with welcome drinks as, in my experience, this is when people get most drunk. As you've been together 10 years maybe most of your guests will be sensible, if mature, but this is something I've observed at many weddings amongst all ages. Could you somehow subtly suggest people eat lunch first or provide French bread and dips or cheese or something?

Also do make it clear that there is a pay bar so people bring money. If an invitation says "you're invited" it means the hosts are paying and anything else needs to be spelled out. As long as it is made clear no one minds. It's not being prepared when it's a problem.

I've seen more strife over "inviting" and then expecting people to pay in RL and on MN than almost anything else. My DS went to a wedding in Australia where they were "invited" to pre and post wedding events which they were then billed for which caused bad feeling after the travel costs involved. All they had to do was say "optional and X$". So just put somewhere "Dancing and pay bar".

We all have different experiences, we've hardly been to any weddings where we need money but I don't mind as long as we know. We should all cut our coat according to the cloth.

And have a WONDERFUL time, what a special thing to do.

gabsdot Tue 19-Sep-17 09:41:58

You definitely need more food. Maybe some hot finger food with the sandwiches. Sausages, chicken goujons, wedges and something sweet for the evening. Maybe a chocolate fountain or an ice-cream can.

Rubies12345 Wed 20-Sep-17 02:29:04

What about vegetarians for the evening?

Apart from that sounds great!

Leavingonajet Wed 20-Sep-17 02:47:49

I also thought about vegetarians, I think you might need more food in the evening and more veg friendly food. I have been a a couple of cash bars and I think it's okay if you let people know in advance so they have cash.

highinthesky Wed 20-Sep-17 02:48:33

Does it really matter if people "mind"? It's your wedding after all! People that love you will turn up regardless of the level of hospitality you offer.

Cavender Wed 20-Sep-17 03:16:25

Sounds lovely but you'll need a. It more food.

Without canapés people will be rip roaringly drunk by 4pm.

I'm not sure pork pie in the evening will be enough without something else. It really needs to be a finger buffet I think.

Cash bar is fine.

JiminnyCricket Wed 20-Sep-17 23:04:52

No vegetarians are invited so that's ok.

(That sounds bad, I have nothing against veggies to clarify, we just don't know any!)

I've added canapés to the drinks reception. The scones and savouries are both warm for the afternoon tea and I've let people know about the cash bar and that they should have a meal before they come. Thanks everyone!

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