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What have you learned about planning a wedding?

(41 Posts)
Doobigetta Thu 10-Aug-17 14:40:34

That might help others? I'll start....
- deciding who to invite is by far the most stressful part. And the two most controversial elements of the guest list are Children and Cousins.
- the more loudly someone protests that "it's your wedding, you must do what you want", the more of their own agenda they'll then try and push on you.
- trying on wedding dresses isn't particularly magical or emotional. It's mostly standing in front of strangers in your knickers before being bundled into a weird lampshade/sofa-type construction two sizes larger than you'd normally wear, that then won't do up.
- 99.999% of websites that appear to sell a wide range of reasonably priced bridesmaids' dresses turn out to be based in China and have review ratings of 1/5.
- the existence of the 0.00001% of websites that do not conform to the above very much depends on your definition of "wide range" and "reasonably priced".
- wedding DJs do not like references to cringey patter.
- you are expected to develop opinions about things like whether your cake table is round or square.
- everyone hates hen dos, until it's your turn to have one and you say you don't want one.
Anyone else?

DandelionAndBedrock Thu 10-Aug-17 14:42:12

You'll be made to feel like a bridezilla for "making all the important decisions by yourself" but your DH to be flatly refuses to decide between Option A and B and tells you that he just wants you to pick.

Rioja123 Thu 10-Aug-17 14:43:14

Oh god completely agree with you!!!

NYConcreteJungle Thu 10-Aug-17 14:43:38


InfiniteSheldon Thu 10-Aug-17 14:43:50

No one but you (not even dhtb) cares about the exact shade/colou/style/time/taste so don't sweat the small stuff.

ChickenBhuna Thu 10-Aug-17 14:49:00

I've learned that if you decide what your arrangements are then tell people firmly that this is what you are doing , they will have much less to say about 'tradition' and accomodating cousin Sue's vegan diet properly.

Also it pays to genuinely not care about these opinions when they are voiced.

Padfoot1 Thu 10-Aug-17 15:03:42

That you'll have to decide between good friends or cousins (who you see once every few years) because of a STRICT limited number for wedding breakfast and two (cheeky fucker) cousins then decide to write their own plus one on the RSVP and you've never even met them

Shantasia Thu 10-Aug-17 18:02:21

A cake that costs £3.95 in Costa can seem like a crazy indulgence with your coffee, and yet a cake that costs £600 that you probably won't even get to eat seems 'good value for what it is'.

Ditto, spending £300 on a versatile black dress you'll wear for the next five years is 'splashing out a bit', whereas spending £1000 on a white dress that you'll only ever wear again if you get gastric flu and accidentally lose 8lb, or lose your mind and start dressing up as Miss Haversham in your spare time is 'what everyone does'.

You don't invite one cousin, you invite all twelve of them. It's like they're suddenly attached to one another on a rope.

MaidenMotherCrone Fri 11-Aug-17 10:00:04

It can be much easier , cheaper and stress free if you don't have a traditional ' Bridal Magazine' wedding.

Only invite people you actually care about.

Peachyking000 Sun 13-Aug-17 21:50:07

If anyone tries the "If such and such isn't invited then I'm not coming" line, call their bluff. DH's gran does this for basically every family wedding but she always turns up anyway.

Chottie Sun 13-Aug-17 21:58:55

Don't bother with wedding favours or fancy chair backs...

If you have children attending, give wedding themed party bags.

Keep speeches short (or just have the groom give a toast thanking everyone for attending)

MargotsDevil Sun 13-Aug-17 22:08:06

@Doobigetta are you me?

Also: don't tell your MILTB anything hmm

Doobigetta Mon 14-Aug-17 14:36:42

I have to be smug and say my MILTB is lovely, and has been almost completely helpful so far smile

SnowWhite33 Mon 14-Aug-17 14:47:08

That trying on dresses is nothing like on TV 'say yes to the dress' etc grin
I most certainly didnt cry.

My friends, family and In laws were extremely nice and supportive and helped a lot.

And that it always ends up costing more than initially estimated. So good planning is key.

And my husband was very much into it, so certainly it wasnt all me and my ideas, he wanted to be involved in every detail.

We ended up having the most fantastic day though, worth all the efforts and the money.

And 2 of my DH friends got inspired and proposed to their long time GF. They told us! And ended up getting married!

Viewofhedges Mon 14-Aug-17 14:51:43

Things that seem important when planning will get lost on the day and it won't matter

All anyone cares about (guests) is when they are next eating

The best bits are the unplanned moments

All that matters is who you stand next to at the altar.

TurnipCake Fri 18-Aug-17 15:31:55

* Wedding dress shopping is much more straightforward if you go by yourself

* I stuck with my guns re: invited guests and for the first time didn't capitulate to invite toxic family members. It has been a very liberating experience and has helped me to be less of a people-pleaser

* Loads of things I'm supposed to care about i.e. hen do, chair covers, DJ etc, which we're not having.

* It is possible to find non-sappy wedding readings, but takes a bit more leg work to find them

* Booked venue, caterers, flowers, photographer before we announced engagement. This was really useful, as then pushy relatives couldn't advise us on which supplier etc was best.

twinklefeather Sun 20-Aug-17 00:01:38

Not everyone need some to know everything, I ended up planning very quietly.
Dont try to justify the guest list be matter of fact about it and finally there will be someone who isn't happy with some thing dont stress it carry on as you were. wink

Littlecaf Sun 20-Aug-17 07:40:33

No ivy remembers the 'details' (theme, colour scheme, favours, cake decoration) unless they are extravagant or simple. So if you're having a hotel package wedding (nothing wrong with this btw) don't bother. Friends purposely cut out the extras from their 'bronze' package hotel wedding and nobody noticed. Who cares if you have biscuits with your name on or a vintage themed guest book?

Littlecaf Sun 20-Aug-17 07:40:58

*Nobody not ivy!

sooperdooper Sun 20-Aug-17 07:45:30

I totally agree about wedding dress shopping, I bloody hated it!! Ended up buying a dress from House of Fraser - they have a lovely bridal section if anyone's looking at the minute smile

sooperdooper Sun 20-Aug-17 07:48:14

Oh and if you don't have a cake nobody notices, I can't stand the twee cutting the cake photo, we had a nice dessert & put some more money behind the bar.

Nobody mentioned the lack of cake, ever, every wedding I've ever been to at least half the cake is wasted - either serve it as dessert or don't bother

annandale Sun 20-Aug-17 07:50:29

Most people who say 'you can't do that for a wedding' won't have been to a wedding in ten years, and who cares anyway.

Massed chuntering from aunts before my cousin's wedding as the breakfast was going to be vegetarian. Afterwards 'oh the food was surprisingly nice' yes no shit sherlock.

Massed chuntering prior to my friend's teetotal wedding. Amazingly we all survived not getting drunk for 12 hours, nobody died and everyone had a good time.

whifflesqueak Sun 20-Aug-17 07:53:54

My mil is making our cake and I am totally bamboozled by the opinions on cake stands and icing that I am supposed to have formed.

So now she just rolls her eyes when I say, "I don't know, I hadn't thought about it... can I leave this to you?"

I can't bring myself to care and yet it means so much to her. Argh.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sun 20-Aug-17 07:55:00

Don't go wedding dress shopping wearing black underwear and thick opaque tights!

Doobigetta Sun 20-Aug-17 08:53:12

There's a long thread in AIBU at the moment about the twatty demands guests are making having been offered a choice of food. Based on that, don't offer a choice. Pick the food you want, and a vegetarian alternative. Don't tell anyone what it's going to be, so they don't get the chance to say they don't like it. I noticed one poster on that thread mentioned our chosen main course (lamb) as if it was outlandish poison, and said no-one on her table ate it. I hope we've picked slightly more sophisticated guests than that, but do I give a fuck? No. We like lamb, our parents like lamb, and we're paying.

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