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Choosing bridesmaids

(13 Posts)
Doobigetta Thu 06-Jul-17 11:00:21

I'm having difficulty working out how you're supposed to choose bridesmaids. Do I pick two friends I've known for longer, and have been closer to in the past, but who live a long way away and are unlikely to be much practical help in the run-up to the wedding? Or the two who are more local, less close friends, but more willing and able to help out? My instinct says it should be an emotional thing and I should ask the first two, but I'm worried about offending the ones who are actually helping me. I can't have all four, because that would basically mean that more my female guests were in the wedding party than not, and that would be weird. Help!

OP’s posts: |
MaterEstIratus Thu 06-Jul-17 11:08:03

There's no reason you can't have 4 Bridesmaids - it's not weird - a balanced wedding party is a very American thing not a traditional one. Or pick the two you want and ask the others to do readings. How much help will you realistically need before the day?

Carley27 Thu 06-Jul-17 11:25:34

My instinct says it should be an emotional thing and I should ask the first two, but I'm worried about offending the ones who are actually helping me.

Go with your instinct. I don't think you need THAT much help from the bridesmaids (especially if you have family and friends nearby willing to help) and they can still help from a distance by giving opinions or suggestions on things.

You can still involve the other friends by asking them to do a reading or another role in the day.

cravingcake Thu 06-Jul-17 18:25:12

Go with your instinct, like Carley said, you can still involve your other friends by having them do a reading at the ceremony or be a witness. The bridesmaids are the ones you will be having a glass of bubbly with while having hair & make-up done, they will be the ones who will help you stay calm and relaxed. Any well organised friend can help out with other stuff in the lead-up.

If the 2 closer help out more with practical things (writing invitations, organising hen do's) then you could give them seats near the top table and give them thank you gifts (bottle of bubbly/flowers) during the meal when/if you are going to do that for mum's and bridesmaids. That way they will feel special and included but without the stress of being 'bridesmaid'. Something along the lines of 'I have 2 friends who have helped me in the lead up to today and we would like to thank them with a small gift to show our appreciation'. Or if it's a smaller and less formal wedding then a small gift in the week prior with a card thanking them would be lovely.

afternoonnapper Thu 06-Jul-17 19:08:02

If you don't want four and can't choose, don't have any. If you have a young relative or a friend has a young child have a flower girl or page boy.

Your friends might not want to be bridesmaids and everyone love a little one all dressed up! I would never be a bridesmaid but I also believe that married women shouldn't be bridesmaids (just my opinion).

TheCraicDealer Thu 06-Jul-17 19:21:57

Unless you're doing a real DIY do I wouldn't worry too much about having the BM's help you in the run up. I'm two months out and all my BMs have done is help with actual bridesmaid stuff, like dresses etc. I have to fold and tie ribbons round 50 teatowels as favours so I might guilt them into helping me with that, but they will be remunerated with wine and a Chinese.

You can have four, you can have none, or you can sit and imagine your wedding day and picture who you have beside you aside from your DP. If it's a small day I would be inclined to go for none and just have them as guests but ask them to come and help you get ready on the day. That's the best bit anyway!

Doobigetta Thu 06-Jul-17 22:35:39

Thanks everyone. I think I'm coming down on the side of none. Four really would look silly for the size of the wedding, and we're already having medium-sized stress with the mind games our families are pulling over the whole thing. I'm not sure I can be arsed adding bridesmaid drama into the mix. And I've got dressed reasonably successfully all on my own for quite a while now so it should be fine grin

OP’s posts: |
MrsLettuce Thu 06-Jul-17 22:39:40

Yes, go with none. It's just not worth the stress. You can have all four come and get ready with you, bottle off fizz, glad rags on, it'd be great.

BeckywiththeGoodHare Fri 07-Jul-17 16:33:19

craic teatowel favours is MY KINDA WEDDING. Tell me they've got you and your DH printed on them, Chaz and Di style, please.

TheCraicDealer Fri 07-Jul-17 22:06:08

I'd have to disappoint Becky- this is the ones we've got. We're getting married in a royal palace so it fitted the theme. DP thinks people will be like "wtaf" when they get them, so thanks for the vote of confidence!!!

TartanDMs Fri 07-Jul-17 22:10:29

I just had my little sister as a bridesmaid. I asked my closest friend but in a way I'm now glad she refused because we aren't close any more (nothing to do with the wedding, we have just grown apart over the years).

kel1234 Fri 07-Jul-17 22:16:51

I wanted my best friend. We needed up having a 3 month engagement due to me being pregnant, so the wedding was very small.
We planned it all ourselves. We didn't need any help from anyone.
My family and friend live 250 miles from us, which meant the same distance from the wedding was.
I don't see why people need help to plan a wedding tbh.
I'd go with your closest friends.
People ask if I regret not waiting and saving to have the big church wedding I wanted, and the reception and honeymoon. And if I regret not having loads of bridesmaids and groomsmen for dh. I'm glad I only had my best friend by my side on the day.
It's your closest friends you want, regardless of how far away they are before.

BeckywiththeGoodHare Sat 08-Jul-17 00:08:32

craic I take my hat off: that's the only wedding favour I've EVER seen that's worth the money. Stupendous.

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