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Would you go to this "celebration"?

(13 Posts)
Moose23 Fri 26-May-17 18:27:02

I have been friends with a girl for about 5 years as part of a mutual hobby.

She and her partner were invited to my wedding about 20 months ago and they attended/enjoyed it. Following this, we were still good friends and they invited us to their engagement party 12 months ago. We brought champagne and I'm not even sure I got a thank you for that (it was labelled with a card).

Post her e-party, since my wedding was abroad in the same country as hers, I helped out with ideas and engaged in general chit chat about weddings and also our plans for our future families.

However, suddenly she stopped accepting my invites to brunch etc, and she was impossible to catch up with. I'd see photos of her on facebook at dinner parties she'd thrown for our usual "group"- excluding me. This hurt a bit as every event I miss, I become further from everyone else, not just her.

It became clear after meeting up with one of our mutual friends (after the bride friend had pulled out last minute!) that the bride had sent out wedding invites and I wasn't included. And at a Xmas party for our mutual hobby, she couldn't get away from me fast enough, obviously feeling awkward about my lack of invite.

Of course, I felt slightly hurt to be left out, but having had my own wedding, I understand the costs involved and that not everyone can be invited. So I accepted that fact.

Fast forward a couple of months and I get an invite to a "wedding celebration" for after her wedding, back near where we both live. Drinks at a pub- she would provide some prosecco and some nibbles.

Along with it was a message asking for no gifts but with a handy gift registry, with a little poem of course, with items mostly around the £50-100 range, but a few at £30 and a few into the multiple hundreds.

I can see the guest list and it's basically their original wedding party plus a handful of us rejects.

My husband is disgusted and won't attend - that's fine. I feel quite hurt about her dropping our friendship more than the lack of proper invite. But then this follow up party invite plus gift list appeared and it just makes me mad.

Would I be silly to attend just to show that I'm a bigger person? And if I do attend, do I bring a gift of wine (that they don't want), nothing, or something from their list?

BackforGood Sat 27-May-17 01:19:10

You would be silly to attend "just to show that I'm a bigger person", yes.
However, if this is a person you like / enjoy the company of, then you should go.
If it is a person you now have decided you don't like, then don't go.

I find it very odd that anyone would end a friendship because a couple getting married weren't able to invite them to their wedding. It's just bizarre.
Either you like her and consider her to be a friend, or you don't - that doesn't change because she didn't invite you.

AntiHop Sat 27-May-17 01:38:00

I'd be really hurt by her behaviour.

However this could be an opportunity to build bridges and get back in touch with that group of mutual friends. You could also organise a social gathering yourself for that group.

But I would not buy her a gift from the wedding list. That's so cheeky. A bottle of wine is fine.

Catinthecorner Sat 27-May-17 01:59:37

I'd go (if I still liked the crowd), and give a card.

Fluffypinkpyjamas Sat 27-May-17 02:16:42

This whole " be bigger person "crap annoys me. She just wants a gift. She's treated you terribly. Why on earth would you go?!

Moose23 Sat 27-May-17 10:23:25

Thanks everyone. Backforgood, I don't know if I like her anymore- she's excluded me from almost things until she setup this wedding celebration thing. So I am really not sure.

I guess the reason I really want to go is to see friends that I haven't seen in awhile (since I've been left off of most invites lately). I have had two miscarriages in the time this has all been brewing, and I've felt so disconnected. Funnily enough, the second friend I mentioned, is actually pregnant and yet I've found her more supportive than anyone!

I think that I will go, bring a card, be polite to the bride, see my group of friends and not worry too much about the loss of friendship with the bride.

Rubies12345 Sat 27-May-17 17:05:19

I find it very odd that anyone would end a friendship because a couple getting married weren't able to invite them to their wedding. It's just bizarre

Did you read it properly? The other lady has ended the friendship by ignoring her, avoiding her and organising things and inviting everyone except the OP. Now out of the blue she's invited her to the celebration, that's the dilemma.

I probably wouldn't bother.

MachineBee Sat 27-May-17 17:11:11

There was a message saying 'no gifts' so accede to that request and ignore the gift registry. Go to the party and enjoy seeing YOUR mates. The bride will only know you have given a gift afterwards, when you'll be long gone. If she calls you about why no gift, you'll know why you were invited, if nothing is said and you want to, you can pick up on the friendship and put all this behind you.

DarthMaiden Sat 27-May-17 17:19:01

Sounds like a present grabbing party to me.

After being ignored etc no, I wouldn't go.

Tbh I probably wouldn't go if I'd been a guest at the wedding.

It sound like a second bite at the cherry to get the wedding list items bought to me.

I'd organise a night out with other friends if I wanted to see them.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 27-May-17 17:25:55

I personally wouldn't attend a 'do' if I was only on the ' afterthought' list.
And she has treated you so shabbily op why would you want to see her??
Agree with arrange to see the nice ones another time!!

AntiHop Sat 27-May-17 22:50:17

I think that sounds like a good plan OP.

So sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

Rainsbow Sun 28-May-17 06:54:02

It's a present party.

ADishBestEatenCold Sun 04-Jun-17 01:32:48

"Would I be silly to attend just to show that I'm a bigger person?"

Yes. Go if you want to go, but not for that reason. In your position, I wouldn't go at all.

"the reason I really want to go is to see friends that I haven't seen in awhile"

Just make a point of staying in touch with those people and seeing them at a time when the focus is on spending time with them, for it's own sake.

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