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Lesbian wedding ideas

(21 Posts)
Istoletherainbow Thu 25-May-17 17:50:05

Hi,

Bit of important info- Been together almost 5 years. Both feminine, me more so, so two dresses. I have a 10 year old DD from a previous relationship. Small family on my side, which I'm very close to. Dp has an estranged mum and an almost estranged brother sad Her dad and step mum and their dcs (dps half siblings) live in France, but should make it over. Having said that, I quite like the idea of a French wedding hmm We have a few other family members we'd like to invite, but we don't really have many friends. There are reasons for that! I like to think of it as circumstantial, rather than there's anything wrong with us grin

Anyway, with all that in mind, we'd like a small wedding, ideally in a beautiful venue, castle type, or gorgeous hotel with a bit of character. Good food and wine is important to us too, as are the dresses. I would love something elegant, with a bit of sexy. Ideally nipped in at the waist corseted to the point I can't breathe I am a size 10, very long dark hair, with green eyes and pale skin- For those of you who want to do a bit of dress hunting for me wink Dp is a bit more alternative, but would still like something with some shape. Any links, advice or recommendations on those fronts, would be much appreciated. We have a couple of dilemmas though...

1. Does dp invite her mum, even knowing there's a possibility she won't behave herself? Same with her brother.

2. Do we even acknowledge it's a lesbian wedding? Ie, have a rainbow layer to our cake? Some sort of LGBT nod? Or is this a bit.....unnecessary or tacky even? I know it's subjective, but still, would appreciate your thoughts.

3. Do we both walk down the aisle? Together? Separately? Do we walk down the aisle at all?!

4. Speeches- Do both father of the Brides give a speech? Or do we go off grid completely and not even do traditional speeches? My dad would be relieved, that's for sure grin He hated giving a speech at my sister's wedding, bless him. He was so nervous.

5. First dance. Dp does not dance. She loves music, but she more drunkenly sways, than dances wink She would do it though I think, but then what kind of dance? I don't like the idea of a slow dance tbh. Does there need to be a first dance at all? I want to dance, definitely, but not necessarily put on some kind of performance...if that makes sense.

Not sure on budget yet, but it won't be huge. Oh and we live in Cambridgeshire, but it doesn't really need to be round here tbf.

So any input would be greatly appreciated smile Apologies if I've waffled. It's highly likely.

TIA

WrittenandGrown Fri 26-May-17 07:10:35

Congratulations.

You could walk down the aisle as a family with your daughter (if she wouldn't be mortified at 10). Think that would be really sweet.

I suppose you could sound people out about speeches and see who is confident and go from there.

Enjoy your day.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge Fri 26-May-17 07:18:12

I wouldn't add a rainbow layer unless you really really wanted it. The wedding is about two people declaring their love for each other, doesn't matter if you are gay, lesbian or tri-sexual grin.
There are no rules when it comes to your wedding (I wish I could change a lot about mine because I felt like I had to please other people) ask your dads what they would prefer? If they want to do a speech, lovely, if they don't, that's fine too. Your dad may say that he hated it but maybe he would want to do one anyway.

LaLegue Fri 26-May-17 07:27:09

I think if you have a fractured family, few friends and a father who hates giving speeches it would be better to have a small informal wedding then a lovely long lunch in a beautiful location, perhaps a country house hotel or similar, and no need for a party and dancing. That will seem a bit contrived and awkward if there aren't very many guests.

Also I would avoid any refeeences to it being a lesbian wedding. It's not a novelty or even remotely unusual these days so its unnecessary to draw particular to attention to it.

Whereabouts in France would you consider marrying and how many guests do you anticipate realistically?

LaLegue Fri 26-May-17 07:30:25

And I think you either both walk down the aisle together hand in hand with your DD going ahead as a flower girl or you are each walked down the aisle by your fathers, doesn't reallly matter which one arrives first!

sooperdooper Fri 26-May-17 07:35:39

There's no rules about weddings smile

You don't have to do a first dance, or have speeches at all, we didn't have a cake because we didn't see the point and my dad hates public speeches so he didn't do one

If you want a rainbow cake then do it - but I don't think it's necessary to mark it as a lesbian wedding - it's your wedding! People know you're a female couple already wink

Whether to invite difficult family members is tricky, but not inviting them will cause more stress in the long run, so I'd just invite them and see what they say

DoorKnee Fri 26-May-17 07:51:08

Another one who says no rules with weddings. Invite who you love, not who you feel obliged to. Especially if you think they might spoil it for you. Don't have a first dance if you don't want to - or have a first dance that everyone can join in with fairly quickly. Wear what you love. You don't have to nod to LGBT, it's about the two of you. If you want to then of course do, but not if it's not your thing, the rainbow I mean. The best weddings are personal, with lots of great music, food and good company. The rules/tradition are a distraction really. They're great if that's what you want, irrelevant if not!

FeedMyFaceWithBattenberg Fri 26-May-17 07:56:28

I got married on Wednesday to DH.
38 people, at a really beautiful (and cheap-ish) please called Friars Court.
We got married outside at 12 in there beautiful gardens and then had a meal of bruschetta, pie and mash with peas and then wedding cakes (chocolate, Victoria sponge or carrot) with raspberry coulis and/or chocolate sauce and cream.
I spoke, so did my husband and my daddy.
Then we left at 16.30.
It was so lovely. Really really relaxed.
Husband wore chinos and a shirt with waistcoat and I wore a dress.
All the other guests were smart/casual.
My advice would be do it how you want it and don't listen to anyone else! 😍

BewareOfTheToddler Fri 26-May-17 08:00:40

I've only been to one wedding with two brides. They each had their father walk them down the aisle, and each father gave a speech, as did the brides. But, two brides aside, you wouldn't have noticed it was a Lesbian Wedding - no rainbow banners or anything.

As others have said, there are no rules so do whatever you like!

Rioja123 Fri 26-May-17 08:01:55

Do whatever you like! I'm planning my wedding ah the moment and I have found rockmywedding a great source of inspiration.

ADishBestEatenCold Sun 04-Jun-17 01:18:56

"Do we both walk down the aisle? Together? Separately? Do we walk down the aisle at all?! "

Oh!! I know the answer to this one!!!

Went to a beautiful lesbian wedding, where there were two aisles! They were married outside (which helped a bit, but could still work inside) on the lawn in front of a small castle. They set off at the same moment (one bride accompanied by her dad and two bridesmaids, the other accompanied by her gran and a bestman and flowergirl), from opposite corners of the venue, and each 'aisle' snaked across the lawn, till the aisles merged and the girls 'met' and walked the last short distance together!

It was gorgeous!

LorLorr2 Sun 04-Jun-17 01:29:13

Congrats! For question 2, nooo you don't have to add rainbows and LGBT symbols if that doesn't come naturally to you!
If you do want to celebrate that aspect then go for it, but you can also have a completely 'normal' wedding and people will just take it for the lovely day that it is.

ILookedintheWater Wed 07-Jun-17 15:15:41

French wedding?
www.oliverstravels.com/france/champagne/chateau-de-jaques/ plus the cost of the ceremony, catering and your dresses etc on top but it does mean you could host everyone overnight and have a lovely informal time.

ACurlyWurly Thu 15-Jun-17 14:29:42

my bride and i walked down the aisle separately, she with her mum and me with my grown up son. She went first as she wanted to be waiting for me. I didn't have a preference. if we couldnt have decided we would walk the aisle together, wish there had been space to have 2 aisles now I've read that above though.

we both wore dresses but didn't see each others before the day, both very different but still complemented each other as they were our individual styles (and we love each other so we complement each other too!)

We had no LGBT rainbow stuff as whilst i enjoy it for Pride we decided we wanted to keep it simple and elegant. the rainbow theme can look a bit tacky if done wrong but if it is important to you then look at how you want to do it, if you are not flag waving pride girls then I wouldn't bother. We didn't have anything rainbow as everyone who came knew we were marrying girls and that was enough.

Speeches - one by my son, one by DW brother, One by my DW and finished off by me - no rules, do what you want!!

you dont need to have first dance at all - again no rules - but if you are really shy or awkward you can just get the DJ to invite everyone to share your first dance with you, have one slowish song, involve DD in a bit of swaying? and then move onto the dancey stuff.

only thing i cant help with is number 1. we had one family member who wasnt invited because they are a total tool. thats a decision she will have to make as it will be the only time she will need to make it. just support her in whatever she decides and if she wants to invite her get a few trusted friends to be MIL and BIL wranglers

and finally - congratulations!!!!!!

MaidenMotherCrone Thu 15-Jun-17 15:01:16

What about having a handfasting. It's not recognised as legal in England so you would have to do the legal bits separately. It's a very beautiful ceremony though, truly personal and very memorable.

steppemum Thu 15-Jun-17 15:12:04

think carefully about your dresses.
So many pictures of gay female weddings the 2 outfits don't seem to go. Also two large skirts looks really awkward with holding hands, kissing.

So plan the 2 dresses together somehow, so they look like they are meant to be together. Also bouquets, how about same bouquet in different colours (one with white roses, and one with pink for example)

One of may favourite wedding ideas was best man gave speach and then best woman did (no bridesmaids, just best man and best woman) it was a nice idea.

You could do - dad's walk you down the aisle and mums/step mums do the speaches?

Love the idea of 2 aisles as well.

if you had it in a nice hotel (castle etc) you could all stay there and have the meal there etc, would be nice all in once place.

paap1975 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:18:42

Congratulations! We've just booked a little château/hotel in the Champagne region. The hotel has 15 rooms and we have the whole lot, so all the facilities to ourselves. Wedding will probably be a non-official ceremony (we have to have a civil ceremony where we live - that will be done before), so we can do what we want. Our priority is to get our nearest and dearest together and have a lovely, relaxing time with them. Most of the traditional stuff won't be done

ACurlyWurly Fri 16-Jun-17 10:54:24

I think the only thing i worried about 'not going' in the dress department is that i didnt want to be in ivory with her in white, thought i would look like i was unwashed and she was persil fresh! I bought my dress first so the rule was anything goes, as long as its in ivory smile

Allthebubbles Fri 16-Jun-17 11:02:41

Alice Temperley does absolutely stunning dresses. Not sure of cost but might be good for inspiration.
I think relaxed is best with an emphasis on gorgeous food and flowing wine!
Enjoy your day.

Auntpodder Fri 16-Jun-17 11:11:28

The nicest wedding I ever went to was the smallest and was at the Portmeirion Hotel www.portmeirion-village.com/weddings/ - a small hall for the ceremony (there's a castle too), and might dp's mum and brother might behave themselves better at a hotel/venue where others are around (although you can book it exclusively) - if you decide to invite them that is.

gabsdot Tue 20-Jun-17 06:19:10

I went to a lesbian wedding last weekend. It was lovely. The brides have been together over 20 years.
One wore a dress the other a trouser suit. They walked up the aisle together
No rainbows or any mention of anything to do with lgbt or equality, just 2 people in love getting married.
One bride acted as MC for the speeches. One FOB gave a speech. All the other parents are dead. The other speeches were given by friends.
They did a very sweet and not at all naff choreographed first dance.
All in all it was a lovely wedding.

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