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Help me sort this

(14 Posts)
twinklefeather Tue 16-May-17 11:07:17

Hi I've made a big mistake with inviting family to our epolement. Initially we just invited 2 witnesses they are family members but they live in the location of the wedding approx 5 hours away, the rest of the family live locally to us. After thinking about it we then invited our parents I explained the situation and all parents were ok with it, fast forward to now there has been major fall outs over our witnesses attending from one other family member and it's now spilled over to one set of parents they have decided they cannot attend because the witnesses have no entitlement to be there in their opinion. The thing is I can see their POV but it really isn't a family wedding we were planning on doing a party when we got back for everyone to attend. The wedding venue is really small and we can't invite everyone so either way we are going to piss people off. We've spoken to other family members on both sides to get their feelings on it and they have said to keep it how it is they can't see the issue but we really don't want this to cause a bigger rift, It's pretty bad already. I actually wish we had kept it to just the witnesses obviously I can't go back in time but how would you try to resolve this? Any ideas? sad

potoftea Tue 16-May-17 11:12:01

No matter what kind of wedding you have there will be some people you displease. Even if you invited everyone you ever knew, there'll be noses out of joint over who did a reading, was sitting nearest top table, etc. So suit yourselves, everyone else gets to choose their wedding of choice... this is your choice. Continue with your plan, have a big party after if you want. And anyone who is unhappy isn't your responsibility.

The witnesses are entitled to be there because you asked them to be there end of story.
I know it's hard when it's family but this is what you need to say. If other people want to cut off their nose to spite their face and throw around threats of not attending because the witnesses you picked are then let them. You told them as a courtesy and invited them because you felt it was a nice thing to do not because they have any god given right to be there.
Stay firm and do it how you want.

Justmuddlingalong Tue 16-May-17 11:18:13

We had the 'if they come, we won't' as well as 'if that person isn't invited, we're not coming.' We told these folk that was fine, they would receive an invitation and it was up to them if they attended. Don't be held to ransom. It's you and your DP's day. Do it exactly how you want it. Don't buckle to any pressure. Good luck. flowers

twinklefeather Tue 16-May-17 11:18:52

Thank you for your replies, I've been feeling awful about it, the family member has taken it so personally but is far from the only one "left out" it's getting really nasty and spiteful and we are finding so difficult to not argue about it. So far we've just took it and tried to pacify the situation to some degree. I don't think they will be happy until we cancel it or invite the witnesses. confused

twinklefeather Tue 16-May-17 11:21:06

We don't even mind the parents not coming we only invited them because we felt bad about not inviting them. We would of preferred to do it with just witnesses, we never wanted a traditional family wedding we've always dreamt of epolement.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 16-May-17 11:21:23

Why not elope away from the elopement?? Tell the witnesses a change of venue and do it. .

twinklefeather Tue 16-May-17 11:29:38

I wish we could, It's all booked and paid for.

My first wedding was parents and siblings only. Ex mil kept asking for her sister to come I just kept repeating no this is the way we are doing it we hadn't even planned on inviting you when we booked it until she got bored asking.

picklemepopcorn Tue 16-May-17 11:49:12

Repeat to the parents that this is a wedding with witnesses only, you will have a party later. They can come along if they want but certainly do not have to. You will understand whatever they decide and won't Ho,d it against them. They will still be invited to the other do.

Refuse to discuss any other guests or relatives. If other relative wants to make a fuss, they can speak directly to you. The message is the same. We have local witnesses, we invited parents as a courtesy, the wedding celebration will be later, this isn't the party.

Pepsi13max Tue 16-May-17 12:37:23

Send a group email to everyone except the witnesses:

"Hi everyone, we have had so many complaints and threats of not coming etc from you all, that we have now decided to elope as originally planned, as all the negativity is causing too much stress for us. I'm sure you will all understand, love and hugs"

paap1975 Tue 16-May-17 12:38:26

I'm with Pepsi13max

twinklefeather Tue 16-May-17 14:41:58

Thanks all, the wedding is very soon and it really has took the shine off for both of us we just want it over and done now. I will use that picklemepopcorn and if that doesn't shut the trouble up Pepsi13max's suggestion sounds good. grin

picklemepopcorn Tue 16-May-17 18:51:04

I hope you can have a lovely time twinklefeather.

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