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Too much

(14 Posts)
newmumtobe86 Fri 14-Apr-17 09:45:04

I'm due to get married in 18 months
Me and partner have taken the plunge to go back to my parents for 6 ish months to try and get a house deposit together so hopefully in our own home when we marry
Now I've just found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant
What now? I'll still move to my moms as notice has been given on our rental property and I want a house even more now for our family
But the wedding will be 6 months after baby is born
I'll be on maternity leave
How are we going to afford everything?
Way too much going on at once

FinallyHere Fri 14-Apr-17 09:48:51

Congratulations on your baby.

A hard headed approach to this development would be to run off and get married quickly, so that you have the security of marriage. Focus on your family, and having a lovely house for them. Start saving for a lovely party when your life is more settled. All the very best.

LineysRun Fri 14-Apr-17 09:49:16

Tbh, I'd rein in the wedding plans, and organise something simple at the register office. That frees up money, time and energy.

But that's just me.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Fri 14-Apr-17 09:51:30

Can you postpone the wedding?

My DP and I live with my parents whilst saving up. We are in the process of buying a house now, have a DD(3) and our wedding is in 19 months. I'm starting to stress a bit.

ErrolTheDragon Fri 14-Apr-17 09:52:14

Congratulations on your pregnancy and upcoming marriage!

And on your sense in wanting to save for a home of your own.

If you've not paid a lot already, downscale your wedding plans - a happy day with friends and family to celebrate your wedding and little one, rather than a huge expensive (and with a baby, probably stressful) performance. Have a low-key honeymoon - it won't be the right time for a big foreign holiday type of thing anyway.

Astro55 Fri 14-Apr-17 09:52:31

We eloped having children changes your priorities!

You could save and buy the house - then have the baby and think about marriage later -

Personally I refused to be pregnant on my wedding day!!

Or you could slope off to the registry office with a few close friends and family!

Big weddings/expensive weddings are necessary - same result

PurpleDaisies Fri 14-Apr-17 09:54:36

I agree with scaling down the wedding plans. You can still have a lovely day but you might need to be more selective about your guest list or venue. I've been to some lovely registry office weddings with receptions in school halls where the guests did lots of things to help the bride and groom.


ErrolTheDragon Fri 14-Apr-17 09:56:03

I'm not religious, but feel I should point out that church weddings don't have to be expensive, if its something that means a lot to you and/or your family.

MarklahMarklah Fri 14-Apr-17 09:58:01

Perhaps review your plans. How much money do you need to spend on the wedding? How much money do you need for the deposit on a house? What are the alternatives at this point?
Can you borrow/buy anything second hand either for the wedding or the baby that'll save you some money?
You could either bring the wedding forward, or push it back until things are more secure with the house and baby. Or, just budget carefully and carry on as planned.
Wishing you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

PurpleDaisies Fri 14-Apr-17 10:00:09

Church weddings (c of e) are £424. Registry office weddings are much less.

Isadora2007 Fri 14-Apr-17 10:03:48

I would be shelving the 18 months til the wedding and doing it sooner on a shoestring budget. Are your parents contributing to the wedding? If so I would maybe even ask if they could pay for a deposit for your home instead?
A wedding is one day. The marriage is for life. As is a baby and the first year of your child's life should not be needing to be used planning a wedding and the stresses that brings.

meditrina Fri 14-Apr-17 10:10:51

You could bring the wedding forwards (on the general grounds that the legal underpinnings are useful to have so get them before the DC is born in case you're always too busy/broke/knackered afterwards that it never happens).

You don't need 18 months to plan a basic wedding and it needn't cost much. There are various threads with ideas if you want an inexpensive party as well as the wedding itself - which might be cheaper in a reigistry office than a church (C of E churches have to marry all and any heterosexuals who live in their parishes, but the basic fee is about £450 for your own parish, £500 if you are both outside your parish).

Or you could combine a holiday with an elopement, and have a party at some later stage.

Or decide to keep to original planned time to marry, but reduce the costs (MN can offer lots of help on that one).

Or decide not to marry indefinitely. But if you go for that one, do read up on the legal differences between marriage and cohabitation and get any legal mitigations that either you or DP need put in place before the DC is born (this will probably cost more than a basic registry office wedding though, and things like wills and pensions beneficiaries can be unilaterally changed easily and quickly)

ErrolTheDragon Fri 14-Apr-17 10:20:03

Purple - ah, my experience has been with nonconformist churches which afaik aren't so much. But probably only considered if there's family connection so likely to be irrelevant for most couples.

Logolphin Fri 14-Apr-17 10:35:55

Don't panic, you don't need to make any decisions yet, get used to being pregnant first and once you have moved have a think about how and when to do things. Don't make any big decisions while moving! Congratulations! flowers

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