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Everyone is shitting on my wedding plans

(145 Posts)
FairytaleOfSkegness Mon 03-Apr-17 15:55:44

Warning: this will potentially turn into a very long rant

Me and DP got engaged at Christmas, we decided to get married this year on the anniversary of us getting together as this year it falls on a Saturday. Getting married on that date is really important to us and the first thing we both agreed on.

Anyway we decided to get married just us at a registry office that day and then hold a "wedding" for everyone else two weeks later as DP has some important exams both before and after the marriage and we didn't want him to be stressed and not enjoy the day. In the evening we are planning to visit the restaurant we went to on our first date and then home for an early night.

Now this is where the problems start. We told our parents this part of the plan and my mum immediately invited herself. I wasn't too unhappy about this, suggested that we went for breakfast with our respective families beforehand them met up at the registry office after, got married, maybe took a few photos and had some prosecco and then everyone would leave and let me and DP get on with our planned evening together. This however isn't good enough for my mum she keeps suggesting other activities that we could do after like go for cream tea or go round a nearby castle. A) this isn't me and B) the less our families see of each other the better as I can tell they won't get on

Now getting on to our wedding celebration two weeks later. We've hired out some land with yurts on. The idea is that the immediate wedding party can all share the large yurt should they wish and we will have a smaller one. Guestlist is confined to closee friends and family yet is nearing 70 which is stressing me out as I didn't want a huge wedding! It's a bit middle of nowhere (about an hour from where the majority of guests live) but there is a campsite literally over the road and plenty of B&B's nearby. We're planning on buying a tonne of alcohol for everyone as there is no bar and hiring a fish and chip van so everyone is well fed and watered but my dad is annoyed cos it's not a proper sit down meal.

My mum is annoyed because I'm planning to wear boots (doc martens) with my wedding dress. My dad thinks none of it is fancy enough and suggested I have a third fake wedding for my grandma's to go to which would be a proper traditional do. One of my close friends has suggested that we are getting married too quickly and should put it off for a while.

I want nothing more than to marry my DP but everyone's attitudes are completely spoiling everything for me and I feel like canceling the whole thing and getting married in secret! DP is annoyingly chill about the whole thing and just says "don't worry it will all work out in the end" but I can't help just feeling sad sad

Sorry this turned into such a long rant. If anyone got this far then thank you!

TitaniasCloset Mon 03-Apr-17 15:59:50

If this is how you want yo7r weddung then stick to your plans and put your foot down. They all had their weddings already, this is about you and your dp and what makes you happy. I think your idea is lovely BTW.

SweetChickadee Mon 03-Apr-17 16:02:18

I feel like canceling the whole thing and getting married in secret!

yep - sounds like a plan

Gaaaah Mon 03-Apr-17 16:04:22

Don't let it be about them. Their day is done, this is your day. I think it sounds great by the way. Congratulations.

TheFlyingFauxPas Mon 03-Apr-17 16:04:59


Thinkingblonde Mon 03-Apr-17 16:06:24

Your plans sound good to me, stick with it op, Someone we know got married in Ibiza, immediate family only invited, then a registry office wedding in the U.K. as the other one wasn't legal, followed by an evening do with a pie and peas supper! It was great fun.

ExplodingCarrots Mon 03-Apr-17 16:08:04

Your plan sounds great. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You do what you want to do and have the day you want. Im wedding planning. If we've come across anyone sticking their oar in I say 'thank you for your suggestion but we're going to do this/stick with what we planned'. It's your day, not theirs.

Whirltime Mon 03-Apr-17 16:09:53

Stick to what you and dp wants everyone else opnions don't matter. I listened to others and changed things and regret most of my wedding day.

OlennasWimple Mon 03-Apr-17 16:10:52

Hmmm, I can sort of see why they are reacting in this way.

I suspect your parents had always thought that they would get to do the parents of the bride thing, and now they won't really.

Having a party in a big field could be lovely, but not if you have elderly relatives who won't be able to attend, so won't get to be part of your wedding celebrations at all. I wouldn't want to stay in a yurt with a load of strangers for love nor money - and even if it's just family in there, you say in your OP that you know they won't get on. So why would they want to share a yurt?

Ultimately of course you should have the wedding you want (including getting married in secret if you decide!) but there are consequences to that, and you need to consider whether it's really worth it - we can't tell you that, we don't know you and your family dynamics, it has to be for you and DP to decide.

Thinkingblonde Mon 03-Apr-17 16:11:14

PS A bride I know wore Doc Martens under her wedding dress. The dress was a deep red silk bustier top with black beading with a matching skirt. £50.00 from eBay.

TheFlyingFauxPas Mon 03-Apr-17 16:11:18

I want nothing more than to marry my DP

Good. This is all that matters and so many people lose sight of that. lol at 3rd version for grandma.

It sounds lovely. Difficult I know but you'll have to stand firm. Lol again at cream tea or visit to castle.You've already been kind enough to change your plan to have her see service.

My mum did something to me similar. I'm going to the theatre alone in 2 weeks because there's a show I have to see. My mum suggested I take next door neighbours daughter as my ds is not bothered and it's expensive. no !! I want to go to the theatre on my own to see Zippy and George

DaisyChainsForever Mon 03-Apr-17 16:12:32

Getting married in DMs with fish and chips after sounds fab to me! It's obviously your style, so why would ur family want you to do anything else?

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts Mon 03-Apr-17 16:15:34

Yep another here for sticking to it. We're getting married in June and have shared some info which seems to be stressing other people more than us. My friends asked if they could come over to prepare some pre-wedding crafts, they then ask what I wanted... I don't want any and I'm not doing it to keep them happy! DSIL is the MC she had a chat with a friend about what that means and is now stressing about all the things she needs to do, DP told her that until we know what we want her to do (announce the various speakers) she has nothing to stress about!

lalaloopyhead Mon 03-Apr-17 16:16:54

It sounds like a brilliant plan for a wedding, when it comes to it I bet everyone will have a fantastic time and it will be a very welcome change from the traditional style wedding.

ElspethFlashman Mon 03-Apr-17 16:17:41

How long have you been together? Doesn't sound like very long. Is the anniversary literally your first anniversary?

Are you very young? Your DP is doing exams that's why I ask.

The registry office part sounds like a good plan. However, trying to get rid of people after the ceremony is going to be incredibly hard. People want to hang around. So I would suggest instead of breakfast, offer a lunch afterwards. People will drift off, with full bellies and slightly tipsy. And you'll still be able to have your quiet dinner. But trying to get people to fuck off right after the photos....well, I admire your optimism.

Secondly the whole yurt in the middle of nowhere sounds hard work for you. It's surprisingly difficult to do it yourselves , that's why people tend to stick to packages with experienced suppliers who can do a lot of the work.

70 people staying in B&Bs or camping means a) a hell of a lot of parking on site, B) a hell of a lot of those cars being dumped on site as people decide to drink after all and c) a hell of a lot of taxis coming and going.

And if there aren't enough B&Bs for 70 people you're going to get a lot of stress coming at you.

Also, providing a free bar essentially for 70 people is going to be extortionate. Can you afford it??? There's a reason people don't do that!

user1484603141 Mon 03-Apr-17 16:18:11

This is your wedding, do what you want and don't give in, to any one. At all.
My wedding was small then big do at night, I ended up being emotionally blackmailed by hubby auntie, cause she wasn't invited to register office. She finally forgave me 4 years later when her kids were asked to be godparents.

Hassled Mon 03-Apr-17 16:20:08

I get that it's probably hard to believe at the moment, but your DP is right - it will all work out in the end. The most important thing is that you get married, and that will happen - just focus on that. All the peripheral stuff won't matter when you look back on it.

2014newme Mon 03-Apr-17 16:23:35

Stop telling everyone all the details!

milkshake1973 Mon 03-Apr-17 16:24:43

We had a tiny wedding and I completely sympathise with you. My experience was that our families seemed to desperately want to make it about them - it's not.

We had a great memorable day, I don't really care if they did or not to be honest! Go for it, fish, chips camping and DM's sounds perfect! You can drink tea and look around castles anytime.

MycatsaPirate Mon 03-Apr-17 16:28:19

Stick to your guns. Your heart is in the right place - you just want to marry him and all the frills and bells shit just isn't you.

It isn't me either. I may steal all your wedding plans!!

moonchild77 Mon 03-Apr-17 16:28:25

This is your wedding so you do what you want. This is exactly how I want my wedding to be.
You don't have to answer to anybody. Good luck with it.

Redpony1 Mon 03-Apr-17 16:29:17

I think your idea sounds great!! fish & chips and yurts! Fab!

Wikky Mon 03-Apr-17 16:31:28

Your mistake was telling people the plans.

Underbeneathsies Mon 03-Apr-17 16:31:46

I agree with 2014newme, STOP telling everyone your plans!! They think you're asking for their input when in fact, your wedding is absolutely none of their business.

Nod and smile when anyone throws shit - say "the invites in the post".
Ask them about their own wedding. I bed they hated it because of interference.
Let it all roll off your back.

Seriously, you need to think and act defensively.

It's good practice if and when you start thinking about babies.
Then, you'll need to be bulletproof, and this is good practice.

Good luck.

Gatehouse77 Mon 03-Apr-17 16:32:05

DH and I had planned a similarly small registry office bit and wanted to only invite his parents and my mum. One of my brothers got wind of it and said he'd want to be at that too (as well as the 'wedding'). However, because the date of that was less important than the wedding we just said we'd changed our minds and weren't doing it. We did do the 'legal' bit but with a couple of friends and a couple of months after the wedding.

In your shoes, I'd tell them that you've changed your mind about the registry office and then go ahead and do it how you want to.
As for the Doc Martens - my mum was okay with them not so keen on the choice of socks but they matched my brothers'!

I'm all for listening to others, taking on board their ideas/wishes, possibly making compromises but the final decision lies with you and your future DH. People seem to forget that it's about the couple...

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