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Am I wrong to be upset by this?

(13 Posts)
Emmals1992 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:10:05

I didn't know where else to vent about this so apologies. Ok so I have two issues that have annoyed me surrounding my hen party and want to find out if I'm being unreasonable to be upset.

My sister/maid of honour has taken the hen party organisation on all by herself. I didn't ask her to do this, she offered but I've been more than willing to help. She's kept it a complete surprise from me so I don't know any details except the date and that it will be an overnight thing. She's in her last year at uni so busy time for her. Friends and family have been slow in getting back to her. My future mother in law and sister in law(who is being a bridesmaid) have both decided it's too expensive and will not be staying overnight with us (just doing the activities). I know money can be an issue for people but my sister would not have chosen something that the majority would find too expensive (she's a student so can't afford much anyway). Now I wouldn't mind them not staying but it's the fact that they haven't let me know? Just seemed like it would be courteous. My sister was very surprised to know that I had only found out through her.

The second more important issue is that the night before the hen party was being booked, my mother in law told my fiance that she would not be going to my hen at all unless he invited her partner to his stag party. I was appalled. They aren't close at all; he doesn't see him as a step dad or anything. We are having a joint paint-balling day on the sunday and he was invited to that but she said she wouldn't feel right coming to mine if he wasn't at my partner's. Apparently a grown man can't be left on his own? Am I right to be livid that she wants to dictate who should be invited? His stag was supposed to be his best friends and his dad would be at some of it.

Annesmyth123 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:12:09

I thought a bridesmaid always organised the hen do?

Don't have your MIL at your hen then. Job done.

wonkylegs Thu 16-Mar-17 10:17:18

It never occurred to me to have mother / MIL at my hen party, didn't have my SIL either - have always thought it a little weird to have mums there when you are a grown up but I know some people do socialise with their parents differently than we do.
My friends & my sister only

Emmals1992 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:19:03

Well to be honest don't have any other female family except my sister and not a massive group of friends. SIL is bridesmaid so would feel weird not having her. Mother/MIL won't necessarily be there the whole evening etc.

LorLorr2 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:29:49

Don't worry about the first thing, I would expect people to tell your sis if they can't make a part of the hen rather than you because she's the organiser and it's mostly all a secret from you!
With your MIL, it would be so convenient if someone could invite her partner to something on that same day.. lol but really has your husband explained to her it would be weird? Perhaps he can explain the lads at his stag will all be younger and it will be worse if her partner comes than if he didn't bc he will be the odd one out/the stranger.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Thu 16-Mar-17 10:37:03

This is the perfect opportunity to take the bull (or mil in the case)by the horns and show her you won't be dictated to regarding your plans /your decisions /choices.
How you handle her now will determine the way the land lies between you for the years ahead. .
You will thank yourself if you nip this in the bud right now!!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 18-Mar-17 16:12:33

Don't think the first part would bother me. But mil's conditions to attending hen-do would. Does she have previous convictions for being a bit Princessy?

Emma71992 Sun 19-Mar-17 13:24:27

Not really but she did tell me that her ex-MIL told her who to have for bridesmaids and she implied that she would not be like this at all for ours.

Emphasise Sun 19-Mar-17 13:34:02

I think if the bridesmaid is arranging a surprise then it's completely normal fir the guests to send their response to the bridesmaid, if not they'd run the risk of running the surprise. If the trip involves an overnight stay, it must be expensive, even if it's being done on the cheap. How is your share being paid for if you don't know what it costs? Is Dsis' being paid the same way. Tbh on the Mil front it sounds like DSISIS stirring. Why would Mil have told you she can't come to your surprise do?

Re the stag do, if Mil is invited to the hen, it seems reasonable to invite her partner to the stag.

Don't let in- law drama start so early. Sounds like people are looking for it tbh.

Emma71992 Sun 19-Mar-17 13:48:46

It's not so much of a surprise that I don't know it's not happening. I know who's coming, the date and city. Everyone else who can't do part or all of it has told me in advance. As quite important people in the bridal party I would have expected them to just let me know. I don't want any drama with my MIL, just think what she did was wrong re. the stag do. He's her partner who doesn't see my OH much at all so no reason to invite him.

Heatherjayne1972 Sun 26-Mar-17 20:44:08

Surely if they don't reply you assume they not coming (I would)
And it's down to your fiancé to decide who comes on the stag
Sounds like you need to get some firm boundaries in place. These people are going to be in your life for a long time

Lesley1980 Thu 30-Mar-17 17:00:13

I think if your sister is organising it & invited them then it makes total sense that they replied to your sister & not you. You've said it's a surprise so maybe they don't know what parts are secret.

Also I don't think it's unreasonable for your MIL to expect her partner to be included in her sons stag since she is part of the hen do & he is part of the wedding.

Emma71992 Fri 31-Mar-17 08:39:31

There are lots of men invited to the wedding that are not invited to the stag do? He is not seen as fiance's step-dad as they haven't been together long enough and he is not that close to my fiance so no I don't think there was ever an assumption he should be invited.

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