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Would we be wrong to not go to this wedding?

(58 Posts)
proudmummy93 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:26:37

Name changed as may be identifying. Anyway I'll try to keep this brief. Dh and I got married nearly 2 years ago, in a city in north west England (where we live). A friend of his who he has known for quite a while and her partner came to the wedding. They live in Scotland, quite a way away, past Inverness, in a small town I believe, so a long way away regardless. They don't have any children, and both drive, so they split the drive. And we'd arranged somewhere for them to stay. Also it was very straightforward to get from the registry office to our reception venue, and we made sure everyone had a way to get there.
They have set a date for their wedding- this summer, on the isle of Skye. This is even further away than where they live. We haven't had a proper look yet, but it would mean flying. Do you need passports to fly there? (dh's password is expired so he'd need a new one if so. Also mine is still on my maiden name as I only use it for ID. And lo doesn't have one either. We never go abroad so didn't bother getting new ones until we need them). So if so we'd need new passports. Also we'd probably have to travel to a different city to fly, as there didn't seem to be any flights from our city (though it was only a quick look, so could be wrong there).
We would have to fly there, find a way to get from the airport to the hotel or b&b (we don't drive at all). Then we'd have to get from where we are staying to the church, then it's a 35 minute drive from the church to the reception venue, then back to the hotel or b&b. Again we wouldn't have a clue how to get there or anything like that. (I mean I'm assuming they could tell us all that, but it's all extra for them to do).
They have sent a list of hotels and b&b's near to the reception venue, so we could have a look and see what's nearest. Then of course it's coming home as well.
We would love to go, of course we would. They come here for our wedding, and for our sons first birthday party, but they drive, and knew exactly where they were going.
They have said we can bring lo, as there may be other children there.
Part of me thinks maybe we should try and see how much it'd cost and how to get there, and go the 3 of us. Or even go without lo (in laws would gladly have him), so it's a bit easier.
But there's also part of me who thinks its a bit too complicated and far away, especially as we don't drive so would have to rely on other people or taxis to get around. (If it was mainland Scotland where they live it wouldn't be so difficult).
Would it be wrong of us to say we are very very sorry but we can't make it, but we'd love to see pictures after, and could perhaps arrange to go to see them at home, that's a train or 2 at best, which is much easier, especially with a little one.

proudmummy93 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:27:11

Okay that wasn't brief. Sorry

cheminotte Sun 05-Mar-17 09:29:30

Not read all your post, but Skye is part of Scotland, which is still part of the UK. So no passports needed!

ChicRock Sun 05-Mar-17 09:30:19

No passport required.

Yes I think you should make the effort, but it sounds like you don't to - which is a shame because friendships require effort from both sides and it sounds like it's them that put it all in.

proudmummy93 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:32:30

That's handy to know.
It's not that we can't be bothered. If you'd read it all you'd see I've said we would love to go. The concern is the travelling between places there, without a car.
I think we should ask them what taxis are like there, and if we'd be able to get one or not.

Gizlotsmum Sun 05-Mar-17 09:33:19

Could you make a break of it? Train to Scotland and then ferry over? Stop overnight on the way there and back? Make it a holiday? I would look into it then decide...

proudmummy93 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:33:24

Also, it's sounds 1 sides because they've had no big event for us to go to yet.
But as I said it was easier for them. They have a car.

Gizlotsmum Sun 05-Mar-17 09:34:05

They might run a bus for their guests or have guests that could give you lifts?

ShowOfHands Sun 05-Mar-17 09:36:01

I love Skye and visited a few times before we drove. It's eminently doable if you want to. Make a holiday of it. Skye is stunning.

Nospringflower Sun 05-Mar-17 09:38:54

If you dont drive you surely mist be used to using public transport to get around? You can get trains to Mallaig and a ferry from there or buses from Glasgow to Skye. Yes it would be a long journey but if you dont drive most journeys become much longer.

Sure once you are at venue there will be lots of ways of getting to/from the wedding.

Skye is beautiful and would be a fab place to visit!

CherieBabySpliffUp Sun 05-Mar-17 09:39:15

I think you do still need photo ID to fly within the UK though

welshweasel Sun 05-Mar-17 09:40:50

You do know there's a bridge from the mainland? You don't need to fly. You can get a train or bus. Why don't you do a bit of research into what the possibilities for travel
are? They do have buses and taxis too! At least then you can have a discussion with your friend about any part of the journey that might be problematic, I'm sure other guests would be happy to help out.

Bitofacow Sun 05-Mar-17 09:41:23

In my experience travelling northwards takes longer and is much further. Travelling south is effortless and costs nothing.
That is what all our southern relatives appear to think.

You could go if you wanted to. Do you want to? They have made considerable effort for you in the past.

MrsMoastyToasty Sun 05-Mar-17 09:42:04

There is a bridge to Skye from the mainland so taking your own car is an option

SciFiFan2015 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:42:11

You can drive to Skye. There's a bridge. It's a beautiful place. Could you hire a car?
Check in with VisitScotland they might have travel advice. Sleeper train or sleeper mega bus? Get a family rail card for the former - you'll probably save the cost of the card on the first journey and then use it all year.
If it's an important and valuable friendship you will find a way.
Could you make a family holiday out of it? Good luck. Have fun if you go.

lampshady Sun 05-Mar-17 09:43:05

If you can afford it I'd go - make a mini break of it of you've got annual leave. If your worry is cost then that's more legitimate than getting there being an inconvenience.

flowery Sun 05-Mar-17 09:47:25

Sounds like you are looking for justification not to go before even looking into the travel options/logistics.

SheldonsSpot Sun 05-Mar-17 09:47:32

You haven't even explored your options yet and tbh your post very much reads like you are looking for excuses not to go and are hoping for lots of replies saying "oh that's too difficult/too much effort, just send your apologies along with a card and nice gift".

It sounds like these friends have made considerable effort for you in the past and you dismiss that as "it's easier for them as they drive".

As far as wedding invites go, they seem to have been fairly considerate, your child is invited, they've included accommodation details.

Don't go if you don't want to but be prepared for the friendship to suffer when they realise it's very one sided.

Iamastonished Sun 05-Mar-17 09:51:45

Please read the OP's posts. They don't drive

I would look into what public transport you can use to get there. Also, if you are thinking of flying there contact the airline and ask what kind of ID you need for a flight. I think most airlines these days require photo ID, and if you don't own a passport or a driving licence this might be problematic.

Also, contact your friends once you have sorted out the logistics of getting to where you are staying and ask if there will be anyone with spare seats in cars to get you to the church, venue and back to your accommodation. The other issue will be that you will probably need a car seat for your son.

City living doesn't require a car, but situations like this are so much easier if you can drive.

OhCarrieMathison Sun 05-Mar-17 09:52:18

I say go, leave the little one with the in laws and make a short break of it.
I bet you would have a great time.
It may be a bit "planes, trains & automobiles" but without a little one would be much more fun.
I've been flying on my passport on my maiden name for 9 years and it's been no problem.
It sounds like they have went to a lot of effort for you and yes they do drive but still a big drive for them and lots of petrol.

I say decide to go and start looking at ways to make it possible.
I'm sure there will be people that can help you out transport wise ferrying about from hotel, church & reception.

cheminotte Sun 05-Mar-17 09:53:07

Do a bit of basic research: how much do flights or train + ferry / coach cost? What ID do airlines need? At the moment it sounds like you are dismissing it out of hand. If its feasible to get there you can ask your friends about the details of transport on the day.

champagneplanet Sun 05-Mar-17 09:53:26

I'd try and go, try and make a mini holiday out of it. The isle of skye is beautiful and you may never go there again.

Ask them for travel recommendations, you won't be the only ones.

KateReddy Sun 05-Mar-17 09:56:41

You haven't looked into this at all have you before deciding it's not possible? hmm

Five ministers research would have shown you that Skye's part of the UK and is attached to it by a bridge.

Sounds like you're looking for reasons not to go.

Bluntness100 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:57:36

You can get the train up then ferry over to sky. I think at least you should investigate your options. No you don't need a passport to fly within the U.K. I'm sure transport on the day will be organised or someone can give you a lift. I think you're saying no without even thinking about it. Skye is lovely by the way.

saleorbouy Sun 05-Mar-17 09:59:48

From the tone from the outset it's obvious you don't want to go. A quick Google would allow you discover Skye is part of the U.K so no issues with passport.
You can fly from Inverness or Glasgow and a number of Southern cities for a reasonable price.
By train, connections again from Glasgow or Inverness either to the ferry or to the bus that takes you to the island.
See this link
I think you should make the effort for your friends as they obviously make an effort to travel and see you.
As far as getting between venues I'm sure if they know your situation you can catch a lift with other guests staying in the same accommodation. They might organise coach collection to avoid drink drive issues anyway.
Rather than find all the reasons why you can't go look at how you can go and have a holiday in a new place for you to discover. I'm sure they'll be delighted you have made the effort to share their special day.

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