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Child free wedding? Rude of acceptable?

(81 Posts)
xjasminex Mon 26-Dec-16 00:04:52

Iv recently got engaged, have no children. We are begging to plan the wedding starting with the guest list. We would prefer to have a child free wedding and I'm wondering if this is considered rude? The reasons we would like a child free wedding are that money is tight and there will be 16 children under 9. We would prefer a more adult intimate wedding. We would also prefer to have an evening wedding. We also worry that children will be bored. Sadly not all of the 16 children are hmm well behaved and those children also have parents that let them run wild. I don't want to be cruel to my guests, there will be two Brest feeding mums hopefully so obviously they will be aloud to bring the babies! What do you think?

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Mon 26-Dec-16 00:09:53

Your wedding, your choice.
Just do what you want.
I have a DC but I do love a good child free wedding. I've also been to a wedding that without the kids there it wouldn't have been as good.

Be prepared for some people not to come due to childcare issues. I had to leave my DH looking after ours on the last kid free wedding. I coped without him.

Just be honest with people about why you don't want kids there. The worst they can do is decline the invite.

OvariesForgotHerPassword Mon 26-Dec-16 00:12:29

Sounds reasonable to me. "Your day your way" is the cheesy but reliable mantra. You're accommodating guests who will be breastfeeding which is good.

The one thing I would say is that part of having a childfree wedding is accepting that some guests won't come. Don't kick up a fuss if people RSVP no because they don't want to leave their child; it's a consequence of choosing a childfree wedding and something you may have to take on the chin.

Also don't do the naff "we want you to let your hair down" wording - it's disingenuous. Own your decision and say "we want an adult only event".

Happy planning and congrats on your engagement!

xjasminex Mon 26-Dec-16 00:13:04

I'm almost 100% sure that all of the guest will have childcare, as I have thought about this! I was going to let them know the date at least 3 months before so they could arrange child care. I will be prepared however for people to decline. I just don't want to seem nasty, I love children! I me and my other half just feel it suits US better if it's child fee!

Bluntness100 Mon 26-Dec-16 00:15:42

It's your call. I only find it rude if its immediate family and you know it will be difficult for them to get childcare.

However I don't think you can invite some kids and not others. Your plan on the breast feeding mums is admirable but that is difficult to do without causing offence. For me it's all or none

xjasminex Mon 26-Dec-16 00:19:37

Yes I see what you mean! Sadly ittle be my aunti who is breastfeeding and my other halfs sister in law and we are very close with both. They will be new borns. I hope that people will understand. I'm not doing it to be difficult it's just what we feel suits us best. I know weddings aren't all about the bride and groom but we are planning on having a tiny wedding and probably will only last around 3 hours in the evening if that!

LittleBoat Mon 26-Dec-16 00:21:27

We had a baby free wedding. It was fine. Some people went early, a few didn't come at all, but there were no bad vibes.

wundringnow Mon 26-Dec-16 00:22:20

It's 100% reasonable to say yes to breastfeeding babies but no to other children. We had a child free wedding and we put far less thought into the choice than you clearly are. I was very young (23) and wouldn't have had a clue how to make a wedding child friendly.

I didn't get any comments on it, other than my husband's cousin who politely asked that she bring her newborn (of course she could!).

xjasminex Mon 26-Dec-16 00:23:41

Little boat sounds like you still managed to have a nice day. If we was planning a full day wedding I think we would have to arrange to invite the kids, but as it's going to be in the evening and only for 3hours max I feel like it's abit more acceptable. Haha I think I'm just trying to make myself feel better as I will feel very guilty!

KoolKoala07 Mon 26-Dec-16 00:24:06

We recently had a child free wedding. A few complaints from people who thought it was their right to have their kids at the wedding. We stuck to our guns though and I'm glad we did. Everyone really let their hair down and had a great time. Definitely do it how you want it. You will always get complainers!

mamatiger83 Mon 26-Dec-16 00:24:35

Totally acceptable imo. Unless it was a close family member I would not be offended if my kids were not invited, I'd probably enjoy some kid free time and be able to enjoy a few drinks guilt free smile
I got married last year and believe me there will always be someone who is offended about something so do what you want for your wedding.
Good luck op

xjasminex Mon 26-Dec-16 00:25:16

We are 20 and 21 so I see your point about not being able to make it child friendly and that was another concern! We have friends who can be quite roudy after having a few swearing ect and talking about taboo subjects. I feel like the adults will be more relaxed and I won't have to remind people constantly to watch what they say ect

seven201 Mon 26-Dec-16 00:28:23

I've been to three weddings this year. Only one had children invited. I got to take dd to all three as she's breastfed and was quite new to the world then. I think it's very common nowadays, so just do what you want.

xjasminex Mon 26-Dec-16 00:30:26

I'm feeling a little less nasty now reading your replies! We was considering throwing a small pre wedding party inviting the kids doing some bowling and having some dinner burgers and chips ect haha

Candlestickchick Tue 27-Dec-16 22:59:15

It is absolutely acceptable. It's that simple! Happy planning!

Kel1234 Tue 27-Dec-16 23:03:50

I think it's a personal choice. I wouldn't of dreamt of having a child free wedding, as I don't like the idea of it personally, but that's just me.

DancingDragon Tue 27-Dec-16 23:06:34

Its up to you. Your wedding. Some might not be able to come. But I'm sure thats ok too.

Loaferloveforyou Thu 29-Dec-16 01:48:40

For our day guests children have been invited, to be fair though only 2 of them aren't immediate family - rest are nieces and nephews and there is no way they would not be coming as they are too important to us. I think DH sister is arranging for our nephew to be picked up about 7 so they can enjoy the evening.

For the evening we are undecided. We have wording on our invites along the lines of 'due to size of venue children are invited if named' and I'm squirming at the invites and rethinking them (might reorder). I've got nothing against the kids, it's just the size of the venue and the number of kids (20). I would have liked to have had a separate room for kids and put on some entertainment for them but our venue isn't set up for that.

Are you doing day and evening invites? How many kids would be in total? Would you be upset if some people couldn't attend without their children? Is your venue big enough with children? How close are you to the children?

Everyone of my friends with kids have said they would rather come alone. Apart from one who pulled a face so I have given her an evening invite only (there are other reasons I have done this though).

I know it's easy to say and hard to put in practice but it's your day, do it how you imagined it but don't begrudge people who can't attend because of kids.

Congrats flowers

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 29-Dec-16 02:21:27

Child-free weddings usually, in my experience, allow breast-feeding babies to come regardless (assuming they're not mobile and don't require a separate meal).

I don't think it's rude to have a child-free wedding, it's your choice, your budget etc. - but be prepared that some people WILL think:
you're the rudest thing in the world;
that nothing is more important than faaaaaammmmly;
that weddings without children are "soulless and boring";
that they can't possibly come without their children as they come "as a family unit";
that weddings are not about just the bride and groom, but about the "joining of 2 faaamilies and children should be part of that"
etc. etc. etc.

Don't let this deter you. Have the wedding you want and can afford and don't be browbeaten into having unruly children there who will upset your day. wine

Heatherjayne1972 Sat 31-Dec-16 10:35:50

It's your choice of course but no kids Should mean no kids
I've been to 'child free' weddings where the B+G brought their own children!
Personally I think you'll get some unpleasant comments afterwards if you allow babies - no kids is no kids

MrsCaecilius Sat 31-Dec-16 16:49:13

Totally fine, but do communicate this clearly with enough time for people to make arrangements.

We got married 3 weeks ago. Child free wedding except for 'babes in arms' (3 breaststroke feeding tinies). Virtually all our guests gave children, but we told them as early as we could (6 months) that we couldn't invite children and they all came happily.

PurpleDaisies Sat 31-Dec-16 16:59:03

It's your choice of course but no kids Should mean no kids
I've been to 'child free' weddings where the B+G brought their own children!
Personally I think you'll get some unpleasant comments afterwards if you allow babies - no kids is no kids

I don't agree. As if the bride and groom aren't going to bring their own children to their wedding. confused

Most people understand that exceptions are usually made for babes in arms. Op it's fine to do what you want but don't try and sell it as you're ensuring everyone has a better time without their children. Just be really clear and give people plenty of time to make arrangements, and don't be pissed of if people choose not to come.

jelliebelly Sat 31-Dec-16 17:05:11

Your wedding your choice - just be prepared for some guests to say they can't attend without their children. Nothing worse imo than kids running around at a wedding. As a parent I also can think of nothing worse than having to supervise kids at a wedding! YANBU

sandgrown Sat 31-Dec-16 17:16:35

Your wedding your choice. An evening wedding would be too late for young children anyway. Not unreasonable to allow small babies as they will not run about causing havoc! With notice most parents could get a sitter for a few hours if they wanted to but I speak as a parent who enjoys a few hours away from my children! Hope you have a lovely evening.

LizB62A Sat 31-Dec-16 17:45:28

Your wedding, your rules

At my wedding we had 2 breastfeeding babies and my two god children who were old enough not to run around.
My wedding, my rules :-)
I know one person didn't come as she'd have had to get a babysitter for her toddler - that was fine by me as I didn't want toddlers running around....

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