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Bridesmaid hates everything

(56 Posts)
Mamabear14 Thu 14-Jul-16 14:56:42

So our wedding isn't for a while but I have got a venue and a fairly vintage/garden thing going on. I have 2 bridesmaids, one adult one child. The adult hates everything I've shown her, and I'm talking 50 odd dresses in every style going. Not even a reason, just a 'no'. I am paying for everything, do I really need to keep on and on looking, I'm getting a bit stressed out. I'm trying to be nice and have done, full length, tea Length, high neck, v neck, sweetheart, straps, strapless etc. I don't know where I'm going wrong! I haven't said anything but it's really taking the shine off the planning, as I want it to fit in with the rest, and I've literally tried every style, so I am stuck!

OliviaBenson Thu 14-Jul-16 14:59:01

Have you asked her what she wants?

YouSay Thu 14-Jul-16 14:59:20

How annoying. Can you ask her to pick a few options for to choose from?

LuckySantangelo1 Thu 14-Jul-16 15:00:33

Go back to her and ask what she would feel comfortable in, within reason!

LemonBreeland Thu 14-Jul-16 15:01:12

I think I would be asking her if she actually wants to be bridesmaid. If she is just saying no without making any suggestions then that is incredibly unhelpful.

ChicRock Thu 14-Jul-16 15:01:23

Someone who can only come up with a sullen 'no' to 50 dresses, with no constructive advice or anything helpful, would be getting sacked as a bridesmaid if I were the bride.

Ouriana Thu 14-Jul-16 15:02:18

Could you ask her to choose some dresses within budget?

How does she usually dress, if she isnt they type to dress up maybe she is uncomfortable with the idea?

Are you sure she wants to be bridesmaid, my last bridesmaid dress made me look truly, utterly hideous but I never said a word grin

HouseworkIsASin10 Thu 14-Jul-16 15:04:52

I'd give her a few options and ask her which one she prefers. Don't bend over backwards trying to please her.
If she doesn't like any of your options then just ask her if she wants to back out and she can then choose her own outfit as a guest.

2nds Thu 14-Jul-16 15:07:11

Has she actually tried any dresses on yet? Tell her to at least try some on before vetoing them.

HouseworkIsASin10 Thu 14-Jul-16 15:07:30

And by final options I mean spell it out to her that there will not be any other choices. These are your final options, end of.

TheCraicDealer Thu 14-Jul-16 15:07:37

Does she feel ok about being a BM? Is she happy body/weight-wise and all? I immediately thought maybe she didn't feel comfortable wearing any of your choices but saying as you've picked a selection of styles that would be odd.

You should really try to just have a frank discussion with her. You've given her too much power though- I would never expect to have final say on a BM dress, regardless of how many others are doing it with me. I would just order a dress you like and tell her, "I've ordered this. It fits the theme/colour scheme perfectly and it was a really good price. Can't wait to see you in it!". Her reaction should help you get to the bottom of why she's behaving the way she is.

Ouriana Thu 14-Jul-16 15:08:25

Could it be the colour you have chose that she hates, rather than the dresses?

MaisieDotes Thu 14-Jul-16 15:08:40

Anytime I've been a bridesmaid I've just worn what they put me in.

ChuffMuffin Thu 14-Jul-16 15:09:37

This would do my absolute head in. Is she a close relative of yours?

It's your wedding. Not hers. I think you've been more than generous with her, giving her lots of choice, and she's taking the piss and being unconstructive. I'd just say "look, if you don't tell me what you would like I'm just going to pick a style and order it, this can't go on forever". But then I hate people who faff around grin.

ParadiseCity Thu 14-Jul-16 15:11:39

Yy a bridesmaid job is to put up and shut up! I've worn some awful dresses as a bm, it's part of the role!

2nds Thu 14-Jul-16 15:14:00

Ouriana i once point blank refused to wear a cerise pink ankle length Debenhams bm dress about ten years ago. No way was I going out in public in that monstrosity.

MoreGilmoreGirls Thu 14-Jul-16 15:14:36

Bridesmaids don't usually get a say in it unless they are paying themselves then they still need to stick to the colour scheme. Giver her a choice of a couple of dresses or tell her you'll ask someone else, she sounds like a pita! She's supposed to be helping you not stressing you out.

Mamabear14 Thu 14-Jul-16 15:15:29

She is a long time friend, I would never put her in anything that would make her look in any way awful. I have asked her, she came up with one or 2 which were pretty much wedding dresses. I have gone through bridesmaid collections with her, she agreed my colour, I offered to change it to another if she would like that better. I don't want to put myself in any way, but I swear I'm not being a bridezilla, we have gone through bridesmaid websites, coast, phase eight, John Lewis etc. I originally wanted tea length and she said no so we vetoed that, then I wanted lace top, she said no so we vetoed that too. She is larger but so am I. It's not like I'm trying to make her look fat, and I don't want to fall out with her at all but I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be a cow and tell her what she's wearing but I'd like to at least have some input considering I'm actually paying!

Arfarfanarf Thu 14-Jul-16 15:16:03

pick a different bridesmaid.

Who can be bothered with all that shit?

Mamabear14 Thu 14-Jul-16 15:16:10

*out myself even

HouseworkIsASin10 Thu 14-Jul-16 15:16:40

So basically she is trying to find something to outshine the bride?

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 14-Jul-16 15:17:53

If she's given you a couple of options are they really too impossible? Surely it doesn't matter if they're a bit 'bridey' as long as they are the right colour? Just for an easy life obviously as when I've been BM I have just worn whatever I've been given and she is BVU!

2nds Thu 14-Jul-16 15:19:01

Mamabear has you both actually went into a bridal shop and tried any bm dresses on though? Surely she wont know if she likes the dresses until she tries them.on?

PurpleDaisies Thu 14-Jul-16 15:19:02

It sounds like you've tried very hard to accommodate her.

I'd give her a budget, some hard and fast rules to stick to and a deadline. You find three dresses for her. If she can't find anything suitable or go with one of your choices, tell her she's being too difficult and ditch her.

Mamabear14 Thu 14-Jul-16 15:20:40

The reason I said no to her ones is that she's quite a buxom lady and they were very low, and from China, so come up small, but won't order next size up as it makes her 'fat'. Plus I want to like it, I'm not trying to be awkward honestly, but they were awful. How can you go through the entire high street and bride shop websites and not like any at all?!

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