Best man drama

(17 Posts)
MargaretCatwood Wed 08-Jun-16 19:58:15

I don't want to write an essay but just looking for advice or opinions about this situation.

I'm getting married in 3 months. My fiancé and I originally planned to get married abroad with close friends and family. My fiancé admitted he wanted a more traditional wedding as it was important for him to have all of his family and friends there so we have compromised.

We have kept the wedding as small as possible. 50 during the day and a further 20 on the night.

I have quite bad social anxiety and I struggle with new people, a lot of people and social situations in general so we agreed unless we know someone they aren't invited. Money is also a factor as we are paying for the wedding through savings and a lot of overtime.

We haven't invited the best man's girlfriend. We have only met her once and they are in a long distance relationship that has only been made official recently.

The best man has told my fiancé either his girlfriend is invited or he won't be coming and their friendship is over.

I don't really know what to do about this. If I don't stand my ground then I will have to invite other people's partners or be feeling anxious and uncomfortable on my wedding day.

My fiancé is upset but standing by my decision but I do feel really bad about it. What would you do in this situation? I feel like his best man is dictating who we invite and I don't understand how his girlfriend can be that upset she doesn't even know us.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom Wed 08-Jun-16 21:56:58

I'm all for single invitations and have received them gratefully in the past, but I do think it's a bit odd to not invite the plus one of someone close enough to be the best man.

BertrandRussell Wed 08-Jun-16 22:00:32

Surely it's usual for the wedding party to have plus 1s? I think you'd be fine to limit it to that- but I do think you have to invite her.......

PatriciaHolm Wed 08-Jun-16 22:07:23

I'm generally all for invite who you want, but I do agree with the others that you do need to invite the best mans partner.

AnnaMarlowe Wed 08-Jun-16 22:11:05

I agree that the BM is behaving badly but it is usual etiquette to invite the BM's partner.

It's hard to know what to advise, after all presumably your DH doesn't feel quite the same way about him after all this drama anyway.

Pleasemrstweedie Wed 08-Jun-16 22:14:06

We didn't invite the best man's partner in the day (she was invited in her own right in the evening anyway) because at the time they were 'on a break'.

They got back together before the wedding. He asked if she could come in the day, we said 'no' , he stood down as best man and they both came together in the evening.

Job done.

ShatnersBassoon Wed 08-Jun-16 22:16:23

A plus one invitation would have been polite, considering the best man has a fair few important duties to carry out for you. He isn't exactly dictating the guest list. He expected he'd be able to bring his girlfriend, and I think it would have been decent to have allowed that without any fuss.

Having said that, he's being a dick threatening to stop the friendship. He could have just bowed out with dignity if he's not keen on how things have turned out. Is there anyone else who would want to be best man?

AgentProvocateur Wed 08-Jun-16 22:18:55

You need to invite the BM's partner. It's not like you'll have to sit next to her and talk to her all day, if that's what's making you anxious. It would be a faux pas to not invite her.

Queenbean Wed 08-Jun-16 22:19:07

I wouldn't be held to ransom by someone threatening things of you

That said, it is unusual not to invite a member of the wedding party's partner. Imagine if they get married in a few years - you'd likely find yourself uninvited!!

puddleduckmummy Wed 08-Jun-16 22:20:05

I know how you feel regards being uncomfortable around people you don't know. The BM is being really childish, it's not like they've been together for a long time and you're not inviting her! I think I'm in the 'Invite who you want to your wedding' camp.

WellErrr Wed 08-Jun-16 22:21:00

It's odd to not let the best man bring his girlfriend. He's probably quite offended.

NerrSnerr Wed 08-Jun-16 22:21:03

It's really rude not to invite the best man's partner.

VioletBam Wed 08-Jun-16 22:21:26

My DH was best man at his friend's wedding but I'd only been with DH as his girlfriend for a few months and he didn't get a plus one because the groom and bride were on a budget....I didn't mind!

I went to their reception and met them then.

MargaretCatwood Wed 08-Jun-16 23:04:26

I've swallowed my pride and told the best man he can let her know she is invited to the evening. I get what a few of you are saying about it being rude, it's just my social awkwardness can colour my judgement if you know what I mean!

He has now said he isn't going to ask her to come because it would end up being awkward anyway. I think this is because of the arguments after he told my fiancé he would end the friendship. Thanks for your advice and opinions I think it's probably best for me to take a step back and stay civil but his reaction and behaviour has made me really worried about the best man he has chosen tbh.

honeysucklejasmine Thu 09-Jun-16 03:42:23

It's a bit strange as a custom though, isn't it? If she doesn't know anyone else, which it sounds like the case, she'd be on her own the whole time whilst the best man is busy being a best man. And presumably you wouldn't have her sat at the top table?

Although we did not seat the best man at the top table, as we thought he'd enjoy himself more at a normal table!

AgentProvocateur Thu 09-Jun-16 08:14:49

hes not going to ask her to come now, because it will be awkward to ask her just to the evening! You really should invite her to the whole day.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom Thu 09-Jun-16 09:20:41

I agree Agent.

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