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Bridesmaids?!?! NO!! **warning - this is a rant!**

(13 Posts)
Soon2bC Tue 07-Jun-16 14:46:23

So, in April 2017 I will become Mrs C. My future bride is excited and we are both completely in agreement on the style and format of our big day and we cant wait.
My DS will give me away, the venue is a small hotel with a conservatory for the service and hall for the reception. Flowers, decor, music, stationery...sorted (I am a PA, I DO organised)
With everything sorted, why am I constantly justifying why I will not be having bridesmaids? I seem to be having the same conversation again and again.
Don't get me wrong....for some people bridesmaids are an absolute must, everyone has them for their own reasons, and they do look lovely in the photos and can make people feel special. If I choose not to have them, then surely its my choice.
I recently had a full scale argument with a girl at work (unlikely to come to the wedding) during this I listed my following justifications....
-If I have bridesmaids chosen from my family then I will have to have all of the girls in my family, and then I will have to have page boys and before I get started, just from nieces and nephews I will be followed down a 4 meter aisle by half the congregation.
-If i have friends then my family is disappointed in me and my friends have expressed a desire to just be guests
-our budget is already stretched so why do I want to have the added expense of 6 dresses which no one can agree on, 6 matching jewelry sets, 6 pairs of shoes, 6 lots of hair and make up
-what purpose will they serve me? I was advised they can help me go to the loo...I have learnt to do that myself, they can make sure my dress hangs shoulders will do that, they can make sure I am ok....they are either too young to do that or will be too drunk. Besides which, this is our special day. We will be surrounded by friends and family who I would hope that in the type of emergency where a toilet, dress hanging, are you ok disaster occurs I can rely on them to assist!

None of this justification is enough...apparently its 'not a proper wedding without bridesmaids!'

I wholeheartedly support your choice to have bridesmaids, pageboys, a man in a bear costume, clowns or Vegas showgirls at your wedding, after all - it is your wedding and you should do it your way! but please please stop telling me to have bridesmaids.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest! Phew, I feel a lot better!

Now, who can point me in the direction of some lovely cake!?!?! and can anyone suggest a good thank you gift for DS (17)?

lalafala Wed 08-Jun-16 17:28:08

It's your wedding, sod what the rest of them think! I'm fed up of worrying about what other people will think of my wedding!!! If you had an obvious choice then great but as you don't, you'd be doing it for the sake of it

deplorabelle Wed 08-Jun-16 17:45:15

My top tip for wedding planning. Tell massive lies to all interested parties.

Yes MIL I have bought my shoes and they are made of white silk and are in no way Doc Martens

After careful thought about what you said, work colleague, I have recruited six bridesmaids. They will wear pink and be led into the venue by two beribboned unicorns


Spickle Wed 08-Jun-16 19:58:39

I had this dilemma too. In the end rather than have family bridesmaids (6), I had just my daughter and my best friend as Maid of Honour. It worked very well and meant no arguments over outfits, jewellery and make up. My son gave me away. I don't think it would have worked very well with more bridesmaids as my family is scattered all over the country and the time and cost involved would have been prohibitive.

Do what YOU want to do. You can't please everyone and there will always be someone who isn't happy no matter what!

GemmaB78 Sat 11-Jun-16 13:04:40

I won't be having bridesmaids either. Haven't quite worked up the courage to tell my sister and niece (the only candidates for the role!).....

Loubylouchirino Sat 11-Jun-16 17:05:28

Me & my fiancé are running off to get married (although everyone knows, so not really eloping), but having a reception when we get back. My 2 daughters are 'Bridesmaids', but it really is just in the sense of them wearing a pretty dress, bought in the BHS sale for £30 each (they're 12 and 10, they'll be too busy dancing and eating to offer me any kind of traditional bride assistance!).

The thought of having an adult bridesmaid was never one I entertained. There's no way I would do. A friend of mine got married recently and she ended up a teenage bridesmaid down on her wedding day as the bridesmaid dyed her hair a stupid colour before the wedding then couldn't understand why the bride was upset, so the bridesmaid had a paddy and flat refused to do it. Can't cope with the hassle!

LittleBearPad Sat 11-Jun-16 17:13:57

Oh you should totally have bridesmaids because otherwise...

Nope struggling to think of any reasons you must have them wink

Pettywoman Mon 13-Jun-16 11:17:39

We didn't have any either although we did give our two little 5 yr old neices a bunch of flowers from the garden with a little ribbon to hold. We didn't even have a proper photographer so most of our pictures are of drunk guests but that's what I remember of the day anyway and it was great.

Janeymoo50 Tue 14-Jun-16 11:54:09

I had two bridesmaids (my nieces), I had always dreamed since they were born that they would be (they are now 26 and 28). It was special to me as they are my only remaining female relatives. BUT, I totally understand your point too. It's not for you (much like I didn't want my nephews as page boys or ushers etc.

Play it down when people ask otherwise it encourages them.

All the best for your wedding, I married 23 days ago and my wife and I had the best day ever.

Janeymoo50 Tue 14-Jun-16 11:56:29

Oh and by the way, my now stepdaughter was my wife's best woman, so all worked out fine there too (and she wore rainbow coloured Converse on her feet).

JillyBoel Tue 14-Jun-16 12:02:38

Nope, no bridesmaids here either - couldn't see the point and family politics made it much more trouble than it was worth.

When people asked why no bridesmaids, I answered "because I don't want bridesmaids", and I don't think the conversation went any further! Maybe I was just lucky though grin.

MissBattleaxe Tue 14-Jun-16 12:08:43

I didn't have bridesmaids. Like you, I didn't want to be fussing around or have to organise dresses and fittings and didn't want to deal with anyone else's requests or problems. We organised out wedding in four months flat and I just didn't see the point in including more people.

These days, having bridesmaids is really lip service. You don't actually need six people in dresses to hold a bouquet.

Have a lovely wedding and good for you for doing it your way!

Jojoclaire Wed 15-Jun-16 21:42:21

Apparently the tradition of bridesmaids came from trying to protect the bride from any enraged exes she had declined to marry and fend off evil spirits by all dressing in similar outfits to the bride...

Needless to say I didn't feel that necessary (!). I had two friends there to offer dress holding services, and my mum just took the flowers from me when I realised I had nowhere to put them down!

On the day, no one cares about all that stuff, as long as you and your bride are happy, that's what people will notice.

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