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When did people become so offended by evening invitations?

(155 Posts)
AllTheDwarves Wed 11-May-16 19:36:20

Just interested to know when people started getting so bloody offended by evening invitations to weddings? I have a big family but am having a relatively small daytime (60 ish) as that is all we can afford. That 60 is close friends and family ONLY - 30 on each side. I have now had 6 evening invitation declines and later heard of comments to other family members along the lines of "not worth a day invite so not going to bother." Has anybody else had this? I can't get my head around it. I love an evening do grin

CMOTDibbler Wed 11-May-16 19:45:27

Depends on how far it is to travel, or the logistics really. Being invited to a wedding an hour away for just the evening probably won't happen tbh unless it was going to be an epic party. Usually though, you'll be buying your own drinks, not getting fed, and joining an event more than half way through

ChocolateLocks Wed 11-May-16 19:49:50

Depends on how well you know them and how far you have to travel. We've just been invited to an evening do in July and its 2hrs away. Starts at 6 and finishes at 1130. We have a 10 week old and so aren't going to bother going all that way for a few hours.

gamerchick Wed 11-May-16 19:51:56

As long as you don't expect gifts. An evening invite says to me you're not important enough for a proper invite but we still want you to cough up for a gift or money.

Iliketeaagain Wed 11-May-16 19:54:19

Depends how far away. I have no issues with an evening invite if I can drive there and back within 1-1.5 hrs.
However, if it's far enough to have to pay to come and have to stay over for what essentially is a 4 hr party, I'd not bother.

TO be fair, I wouldn't be offended by the invite, but equally I'd expect the B&G not be be offended either that I declined their invitation.

VikingVolva Wed 11-May-16 19:54:45

When evening invitations became common.

Because (unless you were really grand and invited all the tenants after the main wedding breakfast) it was just unheard of to invite people other than to the whole event.

It is one of the successes of the rise of the 'industrial' wedding in the 00s (maybe a bit earlier) that this sort of cost-cutting comes ahead of planning the entire event for everyone within budget. Though I am beginning to see a start of a backlash against the (rather samey) industrial weddings so it may well only be a brief window of acceptability.

AllTheDwarves Wed 11-May-16 19:57:42

I naively didn't realise they gave that impression. I have never felt that way about an evening invite. We cut back in the day so we could afford more of a celebration in the evening when we thought everybody could join us. We're putting welcome drinks, food and midnight sarnies on for the evening and late-stayers. We haven't asked for gifts at all. Maybe we need to reassess the day/night ratio hmm

ShatnersBassoon Wed 11-May-16 19:58:07

20+ years ago for me. I'm not offended by them, but I'm never very pleased to get one. I don't like having my second class friend/family status confirmed, especially when details of the first class gift list is included.

ChablisTyrant Wed 11-May-16 19:58:13

I would also never travel to an evening event. They are often tedious - day guests exhausted from being there so long; pay bar; little food. Sorry.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 11-May-16 19:58:57

I've never liked evening invitations. It means you're just B list.

If I really really really like the couple, and its close by, I'll go. Otherwise no chance.

KP86 Wed 11-May-16 19:59:07

Before moving to the UK I had no idea there were day and evening guests at weddings!

Our ceremony started at 3:30, nibbles handed out at 6, then reception with proper three course meal started at 7ish. All at the same venue (not a church wedding), all guests were included in the whole event. Finished at midnight and as far as I know everyone had a good time.

All these wedding breakfasts, day guests and evening only invitations is confusing!!

ChablisTyrant Wed 11-May-16 19:59:54

We only had an evening event to get round your cost issue. Wedding service at 5, straight into evening party. Everyone invited.

RiverTam Wed 11-May-16 20:00:10

Is the venue in the arse-end of nowhere, and not local to any of the evening invitees? I do think if you're going to split it like this the venue has to be more convenient for the evening crowd.

KP86 Wed 11-May-16 20:01:46

By the way, I don't think I would want to go to a reception if I didn't get to see the wedding itself. Isn't that the main point of the day?

Tiggeryoubastard Wed 11-May-16 20:02:45

To me an evening invitation says 'I've got a massive family so can't have everyone I'd like during the day, but would love you to come and celebrate with us'.
Maybe it's because I come from a large family and they have large weddings.

AllTheDwarves Wed 11-May-16 20:06:26

It is less than 2 miles outside of our nearest big town and about 6 outside of the city. It feels like the middle of nowhere but actually isn't. Most guests would be able to get there in 30 mins to an hour. I appreciate the travel and costs for people and would understand if they had told me this. Clearly I am no expert in wedding politics. It was the "not worth a day invite" that upset me. I feel like we need to explain our financial situation to the world and his wife.

camelfinger Wed 11-May-16 20:06:39

I think they're only acceptable for guests who live locally; perhaps for a big group of work friends who all know each other anyway. Attending a wedding is an investment in time and money, which is quite a lot to ask as you don't get to see the ceremony and speeches. Evening guests can end up waiting around if the day part is taking longer than expected. I once attended a wedding where the evening guests were given vouchers to use at the bar, which was good. The last wedding I attended as an evening guest had only crisps and nuts provided. I think I ended up having loads of wedding cake as I was starving.

Chrysanthemum5 Wed 11-May-16 20:07:43

If I got an evening invite from a colleague I'd be fine. If I got one from a family member not so happy.

It really says you're not close enough for a full day invitation. Which is ok in some circumstances but in general the wedding ceremony is the most important part and that's what I like to go to.

AllTheDwarves Wed 11-May-16 20:08:22

Tigger - you have it spot on. This is what I thought. Until I planned a wedding myself. We must be too nice wink

CharlieSierra Wed 11-May-16 20:10:10

Me too Tigger, plus I was first married in the late 70s and it was commonplace then, so it's nothing to do with modern 'industrial' weddings, whatever they are.

Tiggeryoubastard Wed 11-May-16 20:10:29

You're probably one of my cousins, allthedwarves I'll see you on the night. wink

ThoraGruntwhistle Wed 11-May-16 20:14:53

I think it would feel a bit insulting unless the couple explained that due to space/cost the day part was very limited in numbers. If it's a really small family-only type thing but a big party in the evening, it seems less like you're not good enough to go to the ceremony.

HanYOLO Wed 11-May-16 20:15:34

I'd not be offended

But it depends if it was going to be a really good party; or arriving into a hotel function room that smells of everyone's food, having missed the speeches, not to be fed, paying for overpriced drinks and no sense of occasion.

We had a smaller number (40 plus kids) for lunch in a fancy restaurant then 100 back to our house for barbecue, cocktails, dj and fireworks. We didn't have many decline and it was kind of the main event.

HanYOLO Wed 11-May-16 20:16:15

And we didn't invite any of our cousins to any of it.

RiverTam Wed 11-May-16 20:16:52

I should say I wouldn't mind an evening invite, I get that if you're doing the whole singing-and-dancing wedding it's a big cost, but at the same time I'd like it to be easily accessible by public transport!

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