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Informal wedding

(25 Posts)
brodchengretchen Fri 06-May-16 09:18:04

DP and I are planning a very low key wedding in the autumn, it will be second marriages for both of us and the guests will be no more than 15, just family. We're thinking about hiring a pub/hotel private dining room and having the civil ceremony followed by champagne and then dinner.

I know there are no real 'rules', but have you done it like this, and what things did you include or not include?

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 09:24:08

As long as you do the legal bit, nothing else matters. My parents did only the legal but and nothing else, I did a big wedding but not all the formalities. My brother is having a medium wedding but all the formalities.

Just do the bits you like. We liked food, we liked cocktails we didn't like long photo sessions, line ups. I didn't like flower centrepieces, I wore high tops.

I think with a small group of guests, you get to see everyone, get to talk properly. Just do what you enjoy at weddings or parties. Sit down meal, bbq, buffet, music, no music, casino, paint balling, cocktail making, no entertainment just conversation, no limits x

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 09:24:59

What is your dream party or celebration? What things do you like?

KittyKrap Fri 06-May-16 09:28:13

We did that and it was lovely!
We had a small meal afterwards (10 of us) at an Italian and everyone made speeches, really emotional. In the evening I catered for 30 which was pretty damn stressful even though it just meant opening posh ham and cheeses and putting them on boards!

I also wore high tops after the actual wedding.

brodchengretchen Fri 06-May-16 09:32:01

No music, and I was thinking of not having speeches as such, but maybe going round the table and having toasts from everyone who wanted to or that is old enough. Flowers maybe, but I think I would feel a bit silly with a bouquet in a private dining room. Would a fancy cake seem a bit OTT?

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 09:33:08

Cake is never OTT!

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 09:35:04

Who are you worried about things being silly and OTT for? The people there are close to you and no one will think "oh she's got flowers" or "that cake is too fancy" they will think "she looks lovely" and "That cale looks amazing"

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 09:36:27

And if they don't, who cares? You're giving them cake not deep fried crickets.

brodchengretchen Fri 06-May-16 09:38:08

MCP, I'm worried about me feeling like a prat! I'm looking forward to the day so much and last time everything was so much out of my control.

chelle792 Fri 06-May-16 09:40:24

We had an informal wedding and loved it. Guests wore jeans and fleeces/coats as we were outside (nov wedding). We had beautiful blue skies and sunshine, ate curry and toasted marshmallows around the fire.

We skipped the toasts and got our dads to say a quick couple of words. Cut the cake and said to our guests. Formal bit over, let's chill now. I only lasted in my wedding dress for about another hour before I changed to jeans, wellies and a body warmer!

People actually commented that they enjoyed the fact it wasn't formal

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 09:44:36

So you are judging yourself? I think you are being to hard on yourself. It's your wedding day, you should feel like a prat for doing things that are conventional. If you feel too uncomfortable doing them, then don't. Just try and picture it, see what makes you smile.

I think you look at it like this.
Do you want to hold flowers? If you don't, done. If you do, I'm sure the place after can put them in water for you after, on the table or with them.

Cake? Do you want cake? No, not fussed about cake, don't get cake. Yes I like cake, get cake.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 09:48:58

You shouldn't feel like a prat! Sorry typo x

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 09:52:17

Just try to visualise it and see what you feel comfortable with or self concious. If you want flowers at the ceremony but not after then they could be put on the table as decoration. If you don't want flowers but want to hold something, Google non flower bouquets for ideas. If you don't feel you want to if anything, then don't.

brodchengretchen Fri 06-May-16 10:07:48

I love the idea of a non-floral bouquet, thank you! It's got me thinking I could make it up with similar but separate elements that the guests could take away as a souvenir. Because of illness neither of my parents will be able to attend and a souvenir of some kind will mean a lot to them.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 10:32:33

Yay! Well if you have any other bits worrying you then we can always give you a hand thinking of something you haven't thought of.
Hope you have a lovely wedding day flowers

brodchengretchen Fri 06-May-16 10:36:56

Thank you smile

brodchengretchen Fri 06-May-16 16:55:42

Not sure what 'high tops' are, I've led a very sheltered life maybe?

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 16:56:10

Just a type of trainers

Chasingsquirrels Fri 06-May-16 16:57:18

This sound exactly what we were planning.
12 in total including us - immediate family being parents, siblings and children.
Ceremony late morning at the local registery office followed by a meal afterwards at a local hotel - just booked as a table, not as a wedding iyswim.
Was considering asking our closest friends if they would like to come to the ceremony - but felt a bit odd about this as wouldn't then be inviting to the meal.
I was then thinking of inviting guests plus a few close friends round to ours in the evening for nibbles (canapés, cake and champagne).

Jillofnotrades Fri 06-May-16 18:46:06

We did really low key - just 6 of us. The one thing I'd recommend is a photographer - I take a really bad photo and hate having my photo taken but a professional makes all the difference - I actually ended up with some nice photos that I could share with people that weren't there so they got a flavour if the ceremony. I got a reasonably priced "registry package".

We also got a cake from Waitrose - didn't eat it on the day as it turned out but it was nice to share with family in the following days.

brodchengretchen Mon 23-May-16 12:15:26

By way of an update, after a lot of soul searching on my part I confessed to OH that what I really wanted was to get married with just us there with a couple of family members to act as witnesses. He seems quite happy with that too and we're now planning a lunch with the others present and then a taxi ride to the airport to catch our plane to go off on honeymoon.

In making this decision the conversation we had led us to see that the day will be about us, which is I think what came across in your responses, so thank you for that! I'm now looking forward to the day with no apprehensions. Phew, it's a load off my mind. And more money to spend on honeymoon

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 02-Jun-16 17:00:35

This is what we're doing in a couple of days! Just parents, children, siblings and their partners. 15 of us in total.

Staying in a hotel all together the night before, up, breakfast, wander to the beach all together, light lunch, ceremony, photos, nice meal back at the hotel then home the next day.

I love flowers so am having a bouquet and everyone's getting a button hole or wrist corsage. Not what we'd planned but they all like the idea of looking like they're in the wedding party - which they are!

We both love cake and I've just taken it out the oven. Really wanted to make it myself.

We've given everyone a small personal gift bought in the town the wedding's in but they're thanks yous, not traditional favours.

I'm wearing a bridesmaid dress, from the sale at Debos, it's comfy and light and doesn't require a bra! DPs wearing a suit but only cos he likes poshing up.

It's turned out much more weddingy than we'd planned, we were stuffing confetti into tiny organza bags last week, but we've enjoyed every minute and there's nowt wrong with a bit of fuss when they're things you enjoy. I felt when we originally planned it that it might be silly to have much wedding stuff when there are so few of us, but why not!

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 02-Jun-16 17:02:13

Ah, x post OP, big congrats on being honest about what you want and what will make you both happy.

Have a wonderful wedding and a glorious honeymoon!

brodchengretchen Thu 02-Jun-16 18:16:38

15 people was too much for me, we will be just 6. One of the people who would have come before we downsized is right put out, I hope she didn't buy an outfit specially.

But back to the important things - I hope you have a marvellous day too, and all the memories are perfect!

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 02-Jun-16 20:29:58

Thank you! I'm still making a lot of lists but happy and excited.

I'm glad you get to have the day you want and I hope it's really special and your honeymoon is spectacular.

Don't worry about the guest, she'll be fine and it's most important you have the day that's right for you and your husband to be! If she has a new outfit lucky her!

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