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Do I have to ask future SIL to be a bridesmaid?

(20 Posts)
alliemay Sun 01-May-16 20:49:11

Just that really!
We see each other maybe twice a month when we are at MIL's with DC. We aren't massively close, just talk when we see each other. She is a fair bit younger than me and is very much the type to want to be "in" on everything and I'm worried I'll cause offence by not asking her.

I've already decided i'd like my closest friend and of course DD.

Any ideas what I should do?

OP’s posts: |
LotsofDots Sun 01-May-16 20:50:23

No. Could she do a reading or something?

MrsJayy Sun 01-May-16 20:52:09

Have your pal and DD you don't need to have her because you think you should
I had my DD and sister who was 14 sil didn't enter my head

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 01-May-16 21:00:00

Of course you don't! She has no right to expect to be included either. Have the bridesmaids you want. You only need and should want people in your wedding who will help and support you and your DH to be.

alltouchedout Sun 01-May-16 21:01:39

No, not at all. My brother is getting married this summer and if my future sil had asked me to be a bridesmaid I'd have been very surprised (and declined as nicely as possible).

Coldtoeswarmheart Sun 01-May-16 21:02:33

Nope. Might be kind to ask her to do a reading, though.

alliemay Sun 01-May-16 21:04:56

Thank goodness for that!
It's not that we don't get on but she's very blunt sometimes.
I'd just like to go with what we like and have a quiet life really!

OP’s posts: |
liquidrevolution Sun 01-May-16 21:07:59

Or you can ask her to be involved in the wedding some other way. Think Miranda in sex in the city looking after the guest book...

Balletgirlmum Sun 01-May-16 21:12:43

If you were having your own sister it would be polite & caring to your future in laws & dh to have his sister too

I didn't have my future sil but I had my best friend & my Youngest cousin alongside dh's youngest cousin even though I didn't know her.

oneowlgirl Mon 02-May-16 14:27:30

I had my DHs sister & my DBs fiancée to keep the peace with my mum & future MIL. It was a great day & I didn't mind, although would have much preferred to have 2 other friends (I did also have 1 friend & my niece).

The irony was that my DHs sister didn't ask him or our children to be any part of her wedding a few years later & he felt very hurt, so that pissed me off after the fact & made me wish I'd never had her as a bridesmaid & had chosen the friends id wanted in the first instance!

ChimpyChops Fri 06-May-16 13:23:52

No you don't, have whoever you want, I'm not having my oh's sister, I am having my brother's wife though as she is one of my best friends.
Traditionally (iirc) you should ask unmarried sisters of the groom but as mine is married, that is the technicality I am using when I get questioned! lol.

Spam88 Sat 14-May-16 01:03:51

No I don't think so, I never really get why people do this...I spent the morning of my brother's wedding getting ready with him and the rest of our family, I wouldn't of wanted to miss out on that to spend it with the bride instead. Although having said that, they got married so long ago that they're now divorced and my mum still occasionally brings up the fact that our little sister wasn't a bridesmaid.

SocialDisaster Sat 14-May-16 01:07:58

Ou don't have to. It may help family relationships if you do.

user1471506417 Thu 18-Aug-16 09:37:26

We are from a really close family and I was a bit upset that I wasn't asked to be bridesmaid at my brother's wedding.
It wasn't about the situation specifically as they had only been going out a year before engagement and we didn't know each other THAT well as we only saw each other a couple of times a month in that year.
I just always thought that my brother's future wife would ask me and I would get to be bridesmaid at my brothers wedding because we are a close family.

APipkinOfPepper Thu 18-Aug-16 09:43:37

I wasn't asked to be bridesmaid at either of my brothers weddings - and I didn't expect to be. I did do a reading at one of them though - that could be something you could offer so your SIL is involved?

Penfold007 Thu 18-Aug-16 09:46:34

You don't have to ask her but yes I expect she will be very disappointed. What does your DF say?

LemonBreeland Thu 18-Aug-16 09:52:57

I was asked to do a reading at my DBs wedding. I certainly didn't expect to be bridesmaid, and I was thrilled to be asked to do a reading. I didn't expect any 'part' at all.

SquedgieBeckenheim Thu 18-Aug-16 09:55:45

I was not my SIL's bridesmaid, and she was not mine. We had no role in eachothers wedding, other than guest and in family photos No one felt offended or left out.i wouldn't have expected it to be any other way to be honest.

Shitonyoursofa Thu 18-Aug-16 09:59:53

I was a bridesmaid at my brothers wedding, and thrilled to be asked, however as the day arrived I ended up with the feeling that SIL had only asked me because she felt she had to. The night before the wedding she let me know that she had only arranged hair and make up appointments for her and the other bridesmaid (her sister) as sorry there were no other appointments available (when my brother had told me she'd sorted it all out) and I ended up hundreds of miles from home with no hair straighteners or any other way to do anything nice to my hair and only 'normal' make up with me. I wish she hadn't asked tbh, I had to buy my own dress as well and all i all I think I'd have had a much nicer time just being a guest! I think what I'm saying is if you don't really want her as bridesmaid, don't, but if feel you have to to keep family peace, please make sure you treat her the same as the ones you do want. Not sure if that is at all helpful confused

ChimpyChops Fri 26-Aug-16 21:46:54

No, you don't have to. Traditionally it is unmarried sisters of the groom that are asked, which is how I am hoping to get away with it. We aren't close, we talk as normal when we see one another but I would never spend time with her other than at family gatherings, we just don't gel really and OH said it is my choice, he doesn't mind either way. But he would like to give her something to do so we are trying to think of something other than looking after his elderly grandparents so his mum gets a day off :/

I was a bridesmaid for my brother's new wife at the weekend and was honoured to be asked, we are good friends though.

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