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Have you ever had regrets about the type of wedding you had?

(35 Posts)
ppandj Fri 01-Apr-16 15:25:38

Just that really. If you have, what are they? Do you plan on acting on them in any way?

DP and I are engaged with 11mo DS. We want to be married, already have a mortgage together and a child but (I particularly) feel that marriage would sort of unite us. I also want the same name as my DS and any future DCs really.
BUT we can't agree on the size or type of wedding we would like and, even if we could agree, we can't afford it in the near future really as we have lots of more "practical" things we need to spend money on.
We often talk about just going to the registry office and getting married on the quiet, not really making a big deal of it, but then I think "will I regret not having X, Y, Z?"

So tell me, is the wedding worth the wait? Or is it over in such a flash it doesn't matter? Just interested in experiences.

gamerchick Fri 01-Apr-16 15:29:33

I had the wedding others wanted me to and it was a huge ordeal. I massively regret not having the registry office, pub and buffet and then for a curry on the evening with whoever wanted to go. I'm not a lots of people type of person.

I still can't look at the photos blush

ppandj Fri 01-Apr-16 15:34:06

Oh gamerchick what a shame! Who was it that wanted you to have the big do? If you don't mind my asking!

ivykaty44 Fri 01-Apr-16 15:34:24

Yes the groom was dodgy...

MrsJayy Fri 01-Apr-16 15:42:23

A few regrets superficial really i wish i hadnt worn my hair up with bubble curls i looked ridiculous I regret having some guests I regret the accepting a gift of photographer he was so faffy I know that makes me sound ungrateful but i would be happy with just casual photos.

dimots Fri 01-Apr-16 15:51:30

I had just register office followed by hotel meal. 15 years later I really regret not having the full works. Especially a proper photographer, my photos are rubbish. The beauty of a photographer is they set up all the shots without you having to run round and organise people. And everyone is looking the same way on the photos as opposed to my photos where people are looking in different directions!

Sometimesithinkimbonkers Fri 01-Apr-16 15:53:38

I regret it because we got married in Maui ... It was shit !!!!

Joking we got married in the Dominican Repubic and had 12 family members come with us! It was amazing and we all had a great Holiday too. My mum and dad paid for it all except the guests .... They paid their own way !!!!

FunkyPeacock Fri 01-Apr-16 15:58:30

My only small regret was probably the photographer who was a very traditional type that my parents booked

Back in 2001 it was just starting to change from the very stiff line-up type pics to more contemporary and informal shots - my photographer was very old school and hence the official photos are very stiff and old fashioned!

Luckily we have plenty of more casual nicer shots taken by friends so it isn't something I lose sleep over

BackforGood Fri 01-Apr-16 16:06:02

I had pretty traditional (at the time) wedding in my Church, then sit down Reception in a local function room then more guests (work colleagues etc) came in the evening. We had an hour's barn dancing then a disco.
It was lovely. Don't regret anything about it, except I wished I set the video up on a tripod by the entrance to the Church foyer, so I'd capture everyone arriving, not just the random ones that dh's brother managed to film smile

the only thing I'd do slightly differently if having my day again, is to serve tea and cake after the service, whilst all the photos were being taken. but hardly a major thing.

However, we didn't have children. My parents were funding the Reception for us. I am a Churchgoer anyway, and very involved with lots of friends in the Church who offered to do things like the flowers, sing whilst we signed the register, etc.etc,. What you want to do might be entirely different, and that is the beauty of arranging your own 'do' - particularly these days where there are now so many different venues you can use - you do what suits you. I will say though, it was very important to me to share that very special day with my family and friends. But, each to their own - I understand why some people do things differently.

DillyDingDillyDong Fri 01-Apr-16 16:20:02

I had a surprise wedding. We were engaged and decided to just get everyone together who we wanted there and said we are going for a meal but on the way to the meal popped in to the registry office and said "Just going to get married, then we'll get some food."

It was a lovely afternoon and hilarious to see everyone's faces, especially MIL and SIL! But I do regret not having an actual wedding to plan and a big celebration. We're looking at renewing our vows and maybe having a bit more of a party for that.

Lolimax Fri 01-Apr-16 16:27:14

I've been married twice. First time my parents paid, they were very much in control (as they were paying) i wasn't allowed much of an opinion. 2 kids and a divorce later and I got married again.
Second time round was fun and informal. It was about us as a couple and bringing together 2 families. Afternoon tea and pimms for the day followed by a hog roast and lots of 80's/mod music in the disco. We had a blast.

MadauntofA Mon 04-Apr-16 18:41:25

Ours was lovely but again pressurised into much bigger formal type than we wanted as it was "as much our do as yours" said by paying parents. Recently been to a small wedding organised completely by couple and thought it was so relaxed.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 04-Apr-16 18:45:48

Ours was fantastic and beautiful - huge tent, field, summer, free bar.. But now we're trying to buy a house I do sometimes wistfully think about the 30-odd k we spent on that day!!! (Don't ask - I thought we were going all boho and low budget) but to be honest I don't regret it as it was fantastic. One of my favorite ever weddings was a register ceremony with 12 guests followed by dinner with the same guests - beautiful setting but low key and relaxed and lovely.

BartBaby Sun 10-Apr-16 11:26:12

We had a relatively small wedding with only 11 guests (inc our 2 kids). We had it at a country house hotel type place and had an afternoon tea after the ceremony rather than have a full night do. (We then had a lovely meal just the 2 of us on the evening and stayed over in the hotel) I still had the lovely dress and a brilliant photographer, hair and make up done professionally, cake, and favours (made by me) and it cost maybe £3000?

I don't regret any of it and would do it exactly the same if I had to do it again.

Pico2 Sun 10-Apr-16 11:54:00

I wish we'd had a ceilidh.

notagiraffe Sun 10-Apr-16 12:03:12

Yes, my dad is quite a controlling person and took over the wedding. he chose the venue, the date and ALL the guests. he looked utterly shocked when I pointed out DH's side of the family would need some guests so he'd have to cut back on his list and there were some people I wanted to invite too. We did the catering ourselves to keep costs down. I don't at all regret having a low cost wedding, but I do regret it being such hard work for my mum and me that we didn't really enjoy the day. If I could do it again, I'd just have close family and friends at the register office and then hire a cheap, laid back venue for a dance party afterwards.

Thunderblunder Sun 10-Apr-16 12:03:31

I don't look back on our wedding day with any fond memories. I wanted it be just us, our kids and two witnesses and their two children and a dress code of jeans and shirts. My parents were fine with this as after us being together 20 years and having 5 children.They were just happy we were getting married.
Now DH wanted us to dress up and invite parents because of his parents.
I love our families but it wasn't how I wanted our wedding day.
We did do it in a registry office and then went to the pub for the afternoon which we both wanted but it wasn't the same.
I know some people would be appalled that I didn't want parents and siblings there but I really hate being centre of attention and I really only wanted to get married for the legal side of it as we have been committed to each other for years.

YvaineStormhold Sun 10-Apr-16 12:07:23

The groom.
The fact my dad booked a club singer from his local working man's club as "a surprise" for me hmm.
My hair.
My age at the time (23! What the actual fuck?)
I forgot to eat any of the buffet at the night do and nobody thought to get me anything.
The wedding night, but that's another thread.

Dress and flowers were nice, though grin

ClaireFraser Sun 10-Apr-16 15:20:56

No regrets at all! we got married two years ago and it was just the most fantastic day ever!
Late spring wedding, huge marquee on the farm where we live overlooking the fields and the hills, decorations all made by me and my mum, flowers and trees from my parents gardenand arranged by us, amazing local caterer.
Had my amazing dress made bespoke so cheaper than off the peg and exactly what I wanted, made and decorated my own wedding cake.

The most important thing to us was having our friends and family there to celebrate with us, we had 120 in the day and 170 in the evening, got married in our little village church and DH drove me home from the ceremony in a brand new shiny John Deere tractor! grin

It cost us £12k in total, but that was absolutely everything, both sets of parents contributed towards it but left all decisions up to us. It was a lot of money, but we had a hell of a lot for our money. I have the most incredible memories to look back on, and our photographers (husband and wife team who did a fab job of taking natural, unobtrusive pics) took fantastic photos and every time I see them they make me happy!
I think the thing to to do is work out what the important things are to you, work out what you can afford, and then do a lot of bargain hunting, jiggerypokery and calling in favours until it all marries up (no pun intended!)

ClaireFraser Sun 10-Apr-16 15:22:35

So in answer to your Q, yes wedding worth the money, but don't forget to make it about your guests as much/more so than yourselves, as they're what make the day IMO.

msrisotto Sun 10-Apr-16 15:25:50

I fancied getting married on a cliff side in Sorrento, Italy. It would've been beautiful Most of our families would have been very happy to travel (any excuse in fact!), but one auntie who won't fly, or travel by sea, jokingly/semi seriously said 'don't you dare' get married abroad. We decided to have a UK wedding instead. No real regrets, we had a wonderful wedding of course. BUT on our bloody wedding day, she made another of her shit jokey comments - "You should've just eloped!" Ha bloody ha.

CPtart Sun 10-Apr-16 16:25:08

We had the same 50 guests all day to both church and reception. No extras turning up at night, no first dance, no bridesmaids.
Would do exactly the same again.

mudandmayhem01 Sun 10-Apr-16 16:31:12

I was pregnant ( 8 months), so I regret not having a more of a party with friends but i really wanted to be married before my DD was born. Registrar office and a nice lunch was fine and very low stress though. We are still married 12 years later ( been together for 21 years) which is the most important thing though. We were skint and the whole thing cost less than a grand, which certainly helps with having no regrets.

momb Wed 20-Apr-16 11:54:39

I regret not sitting down with my family members for very long because they had travelled a long way and I don't see them often, and that we'd spent so much effort on planning that by the wedding day we were just knackered. T'was a fab day though, very informal, lots of people, lots going on.

ExConstance Thu 28-Apr-16 15:52:53

I had a fairly traditional wedding, though registry office because DH had been married before. The one think that looking back makes me really really happy is managing to get virtually all our friends, relations and favourite colleagues together to talk, eat and dance on our special day. To have my very elderly great uncle, my Scottish relations and our London friends all together in the Midlands having a great time was what it was all about. It wasn't huge numbers or mega expensive but that certainly wasn't what mattered.

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