Help please. I'm at a total loss here. My partner went on his stag doo last weekend and ended up at a strip club where he was supposedly stitched up as the stag to have a dance. Not a "private" dance but a "lounge" dance!!
I asked him outright about it as I'd already heard about it but it honestly took a good 24 hours and lots of different stories before I got anywhere near a half truth from him. I then found out that the same thing happened on his 30th birthday last year, apparently he was stitched up and had a lap dance on stage in front of everyone with two women.
For over a year he's hidden his birthday and he tried his best to hide this weekend.
Putting aside the fact that I am so horrified, grossed out, embarrassed, hurt, feeling sick etc. at the thought of another woman (indeed women) being naked around him, he's totally destroyed my trust.
He's promised he didn't like either so why hide it the first time? If that was the case I would have believed him. Hiding it makes me question why.
How can you seriously say you were forced twice by your friends?
He's also saying that he never knew I'd react this way and if he'd known he'd never have gone and risked our relationship. Well hindsight is that if he'd told me about his birthday I'd have told him a bit stronger exactly how I feel.
Truth be told, I didn't realise I would feel this sick about it all, it's not one thing, it's so many things to deal with!
To top it off we're meant to be moving in two weeks and the wedding's in a month. I honestly don't know if I can move on from this so how can I go ahead with our plans? He's saying we can postpone things as he just wants me and to get us back on track. However if we lose the house and wedding I know we'll be over anyway as that's two important things he'll have taken and ruined for me.
All his mates and family think I'm overreacting so I can't talk to them. They don't see it as a big deal and I feel I'm a laughing stock but I honestly cannot stop my feelings. I've hardly slept or eaten for days. I feel disgusted at him but also it's making me feel bad about myself.
I want to believe him when he says he didn't enjoy it and hated it all etc. but by lying to me so many times makes me think it's otherwise because why else wouldn't you say the truth when you get caught out?
I know he's genuinely scared and upset at what he's done and it'll break him too if we split. And I guess he didn't know just how bad I was going to feel. But still, what do I do? How I feel is how I feel. I wish I could switch it off but I can't and I don't have time to process it as the solicitors are chasing exchanging contracts.
It's such a mess, I'm in bits ....
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Stag Party - Strip Club - Lies - Do I end our relationship?
donnamain · 10/03/2016 16:01
If he thought you wouldn't be upset why did he keep it from you the first time and then again the second time before spending 24 hours telling lies and half truths? Regardless of feelings on strip clubs etc I wouldn't be able to forgive the lies. If he can lie about and keep from you something he thought you wouldn't be upset about who knows what else he has/is/will keep from you. You'll spend your whole life wondering, questioning and going quietly crazy unsure if he's being faithful, lying, keeping something from you etc. 
You're entitled to feel however you want about this, so don't let anyone tell you you're a prude.
But I do think you're being hard on your fiancée - if he'd gone and paid for private dances off his own back that would be a different story. But it sounds as if he's only guilty of being a bit of a sheep where his childish mates are concerned.
If your relationship was rosy before, and you don't think he's unfaithful or has a habit of lying to you, you could give him another chance. It sounds like he's desperate to make it up to you.
Hope you sort it out. X
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