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Thank you's

(12 Posts)
Modestandatinybitsexy Thu 14-Jan-16 11:42:38

Hi All

I very successfully got married last month [smug face]

DH & I have finished writing thank you cards for everyone who bought us a gift. My quandary now is do I write TY's for people who did not buy gifts?

I have a theory that I wasn't bought gifts from one side of the family as I hadn't invited my DUncle's new GF (who I haven't met) and I invited his ExWife (my Auntie who I've known since I was little, was bringing my cousins and said she felt anxious of new GF and might not come). DU and his sisters (my direct Aunts) were unhappy about this.

It's guest's prerogative whether to gift or not to gift but I was wondering if, in light of the strained situation above, I should send a thank you for coming?

I was happy my family were there, and I don't really mind about the gifts, although I would never not gift when invited to a wedding. Does it seem a bit PA? Should I/shouldn't I?

OP’s posts: |
honeysucklejasmine Thu 14-Jan-16 11:45:37

I wouldn't bother tbh.

AnnaMarlowe Thu 14-Jan-16 11:48:07

I wouldn't. The correct etiquette is that they should send you a thank you for having them.

Given the family disagreement is might also seem a bit PA.

As a compromise why not drop them an email saying how lovely it was to see them and attaching a picture of them on the day (if you have one)

Modestandatinybitsexy Thu 14-Jan-16 12:00:47

Anna I did not know that was the etiquette, how interesting..

It's all really annoying because I didn't even know he had a new GF, DU asked DM if she was invited. DM is friends with DExAuntie and said no, I wasn't aware of the tension until he mentioned it at my wedding! I apologised and told him I'd never met her. What was I supposed to do?!

Family, who'd have 'em?

OP’s posts: |
EdithWeston Thu 14-Jan-16 12:04:58

No. You write thank you letters for presents, and those who've gone above and beyond to provide something for the occasion.

Guests write thank you letters to the official hosts (who would normally pass them on to the marrying couple, if the invitations went out from eg the bride's parents).

If you want to be friendly, you just mention how glad you were to see them the next time you'd be in touch anyhow. You could write/email especially to do that, but it's not a requirement IYSWIM.

AnnaMarlowe Thu 14-Jan-16 12:16:22

He mentioned it at the wedding? shock

How very rude.

Only1scoop Thu 14-Jan-16 12:19:09

Thanks for gift only attendees

Only1scoop Thu 14-Jan-16 12:19:25

Should say thank you cards

Modestandatinybitsexy Thu 14-Jan-16 12:22:09

Yeah, my family aren't on speaking terms with social niceties. I'm used to it though..

At least I don't have to feel rude about not writing to them - tbh I'm done in, it's been ages since I hand wrote anything!

The only person close to me not getting one is DB but he got a thank you card in his gift bag for being an utterly terrible usher.

As a wider family we're not that close, I'm wondering how many years months it will be until I actually meet DU's GF.

OP’s posts: |
Helloall1 Fri 15-Jan-16 10:19:10


We wrote a list of everyone who kindly gave us gifts or cards, so we could personalise our thank you cards to mention their specific gifts.

We only sent thank you cards to those people.

I think to attend a wedding and have all meals and drinks provided and not even give a congratulations or thank you card is incredibly rude, so we didn't send cards to those few.

Personal choice though, do what you feel is right.

Congratulations x

Modestandatinybitsexy Fri 15-Jan-16 13:31:59

Hi Hello

We did the same with the list, I quite enjoyed it. Some were a bit repetitive but I liked personalising them.

We paid for the wedding ourselves and because I have a large family on both sides we limited the main meal to immediate family and grandparents only, we even used family members for the wedding party instead of creating issues with extra guests over family.

This meant we could have a slightly more lavish reception with welcome drinks and canapes and we fed everyone with fish and chips in the evening. We saved the first dance and speeches for the evening so I do feel that people only missed out on the main meal.

I think I still worry that people thought it was a bit cheeky, and I don't know how many know DH & I did it all ourselves. My parents are quite well off so I worry that they thought we were scrimping on them.

Still, everyone I spoke to said they had a good time... they're unlikely to say otherwise to my face though..

OP’s posts: |
BackforGood Fri 15-Jan-16 14:37:06


No. You write thank you letters for presents, and those who've gone above and beyond to provide something for the occasion

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