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Advice on sending out wedding invitations

(15 Posts)
MaryPlain59 Sun 13-Dec-15 21:46:33

Due to finances and restriction on seating at the Reception venue and also having a very large extended family we have found it quite difficult and stressful writing our guest list which we will need to send out soon. Some we have put down for the church and the sit down meal and the others for the evening. Do you send out to the day people first and see if they are able to attend before sending out the evening invitations? (as there are people who we would dearly like to have there during the day and who would be next on the list if there was a Regret but we wouldn't like to offend anyone if it appeared that they were only being given a day invite as our second choice, I know this is what it would seem like but it truly would be only due to budget and venue constraints).

Any advice from others who have been in a similar situation would really be appreciated.

WombatStewForTea Sun 13-Dec-15 23:09:11

I've no idea but I'll be watching with interest as we're having the same predicament!

BackforGood Sun 13-Dec-15 23:20:03

If you've got plenty of time, and suspect there might be some on your daytime list that won't come, then that seems to make a lot of sense.

Personally though, I wouldn't be offended at being invited to an evening party, then upgraded to the day. except on MN people understand the way things work at weddings and that it's not usually possible to invite everyone to the daytime meal. smile

Helloall1 Mon 21-Dec-15 15:56:07


We knew that we could have 70 day and an additional 30 evening.

We negotiated who we wanted and it went really smoothly, we got married in August this year.

As most of our friends and family are on Facebook we started two events and invited people this way first. Once people confirmed or declined we then posted our formal invites. It worked very well and would recommend.

A day couple cancelled a few days before and so we moved an evening guests, they were really happy!
It is hard to stick to numbers, but it's really important to keep within your budget. People understand that.

Good luck 🍀

momb Mon 21-Dec-15 15:59:02

Only on MN are people so offended by being outside the immediate family circle that they get an evening invite only, so don't worry too much.
My advice would be to set a RSVP date about a month after you send them out to encourage people's thoughts and be ruthless about following up on the RSVP date. Then you should still have plenty of time to invite whomever you want next and still give them a reasonable response time.

unimaginativename13 Mon 21-Dec-15 16:06:51

We ended up upgrading nearly all our evening guests. They were all people that understood the situation.

Mostly people that we had seen and said 'why don't you come to the evening' then closer to the time when people dropped out I just called and explained.

There were some of my mums friends who stepped in too- again people who weren't expecting too it, and understood the situation.

Don't treat it like you have a cancellation list, invite who you truely want there at the day. Then you wont feel bad for upgrading evening guests.

I think we also includes some plus 1s to fill the gaps. Like a friend had got a partner and we had met them before the wedding but they weren't serious when we did the invites so they were happy for a last minute invite.

They were evening guests who had already booked a hotels so I know they had committed

MaryPlain59 Tue 22-Dec-15 08:29:27

Thank you all very much for your helpful replies I really appreciate your advice.

DirtyBlonde Tue 22-Dec-15 08:43:25

"Only on MN are people so offended by being outside the immediate family circle that they get an evening invite only, so don't worry too much."

Only in wedding magazines and among the very young do they not care a jot about two tiers of invitations, and the bare fact that people post about it so much reflects the real concern, and as most replies tell tentative ways to go about it (not a sure-fire solution) I'm afraid that there is an issue.

If you cannot recast your plans now so that you have a less elaborate wedding but one which you can afford for all your guests to be full participants, then the best thing you can do is brave it out. No-one is likely to criticise you to your face, and that might be result enough for you.

Unless you are sending the formal invitations insanely early, there just won't be time to send a second list later on (and if anyone does spot the timing, it'll make the part-day guests look even more like an after-thought).

If anyone does turn down a full invitation, then you can accept the gap (on the grounds that you invited who you wanted to what you wanted them at) or talk to your preferred part-day guest and re-offer (that will feel like ranking your guests, you'll just have to live with it; but choosing those who are most socially reliable, and therefore who will automatically respond in ways that are indistinguishable from genuine delight will make this easier for you).

Trills Tue 22-Dec-15 08:50:14

People who are good enough friends to be on your "we'd like to upgrade you to whole-day but circumstances don't allow unless someone declines" are good enough friends to be told just that.

Anyone who would be offended at being upgraded - don't upgrade them. Invite them for evening-only and then leave them there.

They might be offended at being invited for the evening, but in that case there is no way to avoid offence except for inviting them to the whole thing straight off - and you don't want to do that.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes Tue 22-Dec-15 08:59:43

I'm neither in a magazine or very young (late 40s) and it is only on Mumsnet that I've ever heard evening only invitations described as second rate. They've been a feature at many weddings I've been to over the last 30 years and I've never heard anyone complain about them.

Of course some people are closer to the bride and groom than others. I'd far rather receive an evening invitation than none at all and if I was "upgraded" at short notice I'd be delighted.

Trills Tue 22-Dec-15 19:19:27

Evening invitations are only a problem if people think they "should be" on a higher tier than they are.

Yes, you are rating your friends.

So what?

The rating already exists. Most people already know and are fine with the fact that they are better friends with some people and less good friends with others.

YouMakeMyDreams Tue 22-Dec-15 19:28:21

I have been to about 30 weddings and only one and that was my own didn't have evening invitations and we only didn't because we weren't having a huge wedding.

We got married in September and I did call a couple of people and explain that we had sent out invitations and some had declined etc. They had all organised their own weddings and were delighted to be asked and thought of enough to be asked. My friend upgraded my parents at her wedding and they were far from offended. People understand how these things are. If they don't they are clearly not worth the upgrade.

Chottie Sun 17-Jan-16 06:53:18

I would be happy to just be invited to the evening and if I was upgraded to the ceremony I would be even happier smile

Mumwithdilemmas Tue 19-Jan-16 16:51:58


We get married next June. We're forgoing the save the date cards & are going to send our invitations out to arrive on 24th June this year. We then get married on 24th June 2017.
Usually you'd send separate invitations to day & evening guests with any stipulations such as no children other than family. Make sure you have a clear RSVP date & something to say if people don't RSVP then they will not be catered for. Our RSVP date is 24th March 2017.

OwlinaTree Sat 06-Feb-16 15:59:49

I've been 'upgraded' from evening to day in the past, i was fine with it.

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