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Wedding Guest Dilemma, WWYD?

(6 Posts)
NotAnotherMonday Fri 23-Oct-15 10:01:37

Dp and I are getting married in April 2016.

Have room for 50 at the ceremony, have invited 47 but one is our daughter who will be 10mnths and another is dps cousin who will be almost a year old so they will sit on people's knees So we have room for 5 more people.

I have three dilemmas about guests that I'm not sure what to do about:

1) Dps grandad has a wife (not his gm), we'll call her P. Dp and I have met her once and she said two words to us both all afternoon; "hi" and "bye", she ignored us when we tried to get to know her. FILtb has only met her twice and says both times shes only said 1 or 2 words to him, but P does get on with FILs brother and sister. Gd has been invited to the wedding alone, but all 3 of his children plus partners and children (so PILs, SIL, AIL, AILs dh, their 3 children, UIL, UILs dp and their ds) have been invited and RSVPed to say they'll be there. Dps gd is claiming he won't know aylnyone at our wedding So wants us to invite his wife as well, his wife won't come unless her son and his daughter as well (so 3 extra people) - I've never met the the son or his daughter and apparently whenever FIL and the son are in a room together they tear strips off each other as they really don't get on, so I'm reluctant to invite them. But I do think we should invite Dps gds wife because we've invite Dps gm and also invited her partner - we've both met him 8-9 times, he's lovely, shares a common hobby with dp and gets on well with PILs. Should we invite Dps gds wife out of cursoty?

2) I have an Aunt, M. M has two sons, my cousins, who are invited along with their partners to the wedding - my granddad is paying for the whole thing and is insisting we invite all my cousins and their girlfriends (I'm the only female in my gen in my mum's family). However M has a new husband - I say new, they've been married 5 years but he is her 4th or 5th husband (they never last more than 7 years) - the husband is invited despite me not being invited to their wedding as it was child free and I was 4 weeks off turning 18 not bitter at all considering I'm Ms only niece. The problem is Ms husband had two girls, who will be 10 and 18 when I get married. Ive never met them, but know my aunt always wanted a girl so has often cancelled plans with me, my mum or my other aunt in order to see these girls, she calls herself their second mum. Anyway, M wants me to invite the girls or she wont come. I'm tempted to say don't come then because I really don't want these girls there with my aunt as I'm sure she'll make it all about them. My cousins are in their 20s and both live away from their mum, so have only themselves met their DSSis's once. So it's not like I'm causing a problem situation. The girls live with their mum and see their dad eow with a lot of flexibility so could change contact just for that Saturday. Do I invite the girls anyway to keep the peace?

3) My Godmother, G and her husband, P are invited to the wedding. G has two girls from her first marriage, N and H, both in their 30s, they have 6 children between them (N has 3 of her own + two step dc who live with her and her dh, H has 1). G and P also have two girls together, J and L. L is one of my best friends and is the same age as my brother so is obviously invited. J is hilarious so I'll be inviting her as shell keep everyone entertained between courses. I've met H several times and shes babysat my daughter once or twice so feels right to invite her and her daughter, who's 14. I just don't know whether I should also invite N. Ive only met her once and never met any of her dc or her husband. If I invited her it would just be her and her dh. It seems unfair to leave her out when the rest of her family will be there. Should I inivite her?

Thanks in advance for your help. I will add, that we have a list of 65 people for just the reception (47 of those are whole day invites) and have space for up to 100 there. So you may want to suggest I invite people to just reception.

Thanks.

annielostit Fri 23-Oct-15 18:42:32

I got lost on #2 . but should invite gd wife. It would be rude not to. How would you feel if stbdh was asked and not you.
Tell aunty whatever there's no kids, isn't it your wedding?

JakeBallardswife Fri 23-Oct-15 19:19:12

Invite the wife of the granddad. Got a bit lost after that but they are hangers on. If you don't see them don't invite them. They'll get over it.

Or invite them then make them follow a dress code, give you cash etc.!

gabsdot45 Fri 30-Oct-15 10:06:18

You should invite your grandad's wife and if she wont come unless her son comes then so be it.
People putting conditions on their invite is just rude.
Don't invite any of the others.

iwaly Fri 30-Oct-15 10:25:35

I agree to invite the granddads wife but not her son etc - if she wont come without then that is her problem.
Would consider inviting N and her DH (from your third paragraph) if there is room but don't feel you have to if there are some other friends you would rather invite instead of these extended family/hangers on.
Would definitely not invite M's 4th husband's daughters that is ridiculous WTF have they done to deserve an invite.

sparechange Fri 30-Oct-15 10:30:05

Double check with the venue about the room capacity...
They will be licensed for a certain number of guests in the ceremony room - it isn't to do with seats, it is people.
We looked at one venue we loved that had a capacity which was a bit smaller than we wanted, and we said that the bridesmaids could stay standing and kids could sit on laps.
They said they couldn't let that happen - the registrar would technically be able to refuse to conduct the ceremony with more than the permissible number. It is unlikely, but still worth checking...

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