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Brides 1st Grooms 2nd Wedding & Who gave you away?

(7 Posts)
puzzledleopard Tue 15-Sep-15 10:42:22

I really don't know what's going on with my brain atm all I can think about is this & even dreaming about it! I love my partner so much but I feel so awkward about the thought of us getting married.

I always envisioned my wedding even from a small child. My sister is almost 45 and has had a long engagement of over 14 years and has said that now she has no intention of getting married. My mum is in her 60s and I think would love for one of us to at least be married.

To me it's a big deal but I can't help but think to everyone else it won't be because they have all been through it before it's just the bride that's changed. I could not afford a lavish affair in which they had on there wedding day, but then again I dont want our wedding to be anything like how theirs was either. (Which sometimes my partner compares to by accident and it makes me feel horrible) My partner is adamant he would have the same best man but I think its a little strange but there is no one else he would want. (My point was best man might feel in an awkward position knowing the two of them and doing it previously)

I want all our children there as my bridesmaids, my partners from previous marriage and my child from previous relationship. Though probably not that practical but may not happen because I honestly cannot see his ex ever allowing it.

I have literally no family and friends I would have about 10 people max on my side for friends and family (This might grow as I am in a new area and my daugher has started school) compared to his previous wedding of about 150-200 guests between them.

I have no one to give me away sadly my father died when I was young and my mother has never moved on (I do take something from this though as her first marriage with my sisters father broke down and she went on to marry my dad and have me and she was very happy up until he died).

I want a traditional wedding, close to home but the way I am feeling about people not caring so much second time around (I know I shouldn't think like this but cannot help it). I would just go away and do it with no one else around (Like a vegas wedding) but I know it would break my mother's heart and deep down that isnt what I want for my family to not be there.

Is it wrong that part of me wishes it was his first wedding too?!

Has anyone else been through this in regards to their first wedding or who did you have to give you away in these circumstances?

Thank you x Sorry its so long!

RiverTam Tue 15-Sep-15 10:51:30

Ask yourself this question: which is more important to you, getting married or being married? If it's getting, then you shouldn't be doing it at all; if it's being then the getting married bit is neither here nor there, is it?

chairmeoh Tue 15-Sep-15 10:59:23

Do you need to have a best man, or someone to give you away? We didn't when we got married last year (2nd marriage for me, 1st for DH).
Is a church wedding important to you, or would you and your DF enjoy a besutiful service in a hotel or lovely register office.
Can the children walk you down the aisle?
Are you worried about being outnumbered by friends and family from your DF's side?
Perhaps you could cut numbers right down, make it a very small and intimate ocassion, very different to his 1st wedding.
Try not to dwell on his past. You are his present and his future, that's what is important.

Conceptionzilla Tue 15-Sep-15 11:12:01

Ive been in your situation.

I think I didn't analyse it the way you are.

your guests will be there to celebrate your wedding to your dp, I doubt they will draw too many comparisons. You need to let go of the comparison thing abyhow and make your and dps wedding. inject as much of your personalities as you can into the day to keep it about you two.

I had my brother give me away due to the importance of him in my life. Another friend in your situation had her dp walk down the aisle to collect her and they walked up to the altar together. Or you can walk yourself up?

We had the same best man as DH did the first time round, I doubt anyone but the two of them really remembered that and to them this was a different event, not a rehash of the first wedding.

We chose a small venue which kept numbers and costs down that way we could only invite thoes who are really important to us. Also due to the date we chose and the location only Thoes who really wanted to come did, which made it a more intimate wedding and more personal.

At ge end of it, this is just a day. If you want to be married to your dp then do it and do it your way without reference to the unnecessary past.

lighteningirl Tue 15-Sep-15 11:17:24

My son gave me away first marriage for me (in my forties) second for him. His first marriage was so unhappy it never bothered me I knew ours would be his first real team us marriage.

ems1910 Tue 15-Sep-15 13:55:24

My brother have me away last time as my dad had died a few months before. He will do that same again next time, hopefully but ny son who will be ten will walk down the aisle with us too. My friend had her mum give her away and my other friend walked herself. Her dad had died and she does havr a brother but decided that at 33 she didn't need to be given away.

puzzledleopard Wed 16-Sep-15 13:18:01

Sorry I couldn't get back to the thread.

I'm pretty sure most people have hang ups about their wedding, but unfortunately this has been mine. I know the most important part is about actually being married but I also want it to be special and memorable for not just us but our families.

Chairmeoh ?? I guess we necessarily need to have a best Man or someone to give me away but I think I would like someone. I think my partner would prefer a best man.
A church wedding isn't that important to me either I probably would enjoy a beautiful service in a hotel ect
I did think this yesterday after a few people said about different people or going it alone I could just walk down with our girls.

Conceptionzilla- I think I spend loads of time over analysing thing think that's part of the issue but so does my mother. Me and my partner are pretty alike and similar personalises almost and already thought of some ideas on this unique to us.
My mum has the exact same problems with reference to the past that is all she ever goes on about (could be partly her bipolar and other mental problems)
I know just a day but I don't have many happy memories I've started making them with my partner but before him there really haven't been many. So along with my daughter's birth this would be another happy milestone memories wise.

Lighteningirl ?? Thank you I am hopeful it will be the same for us too smile

Ems1910- That sounds lovely having your son walk down the aisle too. I feel bad that I never even considered my mum I guess she has been a mum and dad to me but then my sister helped raise me to as she's 15 years older than me. My sisters partner has had a huge influence in my life he's been there all the way through it and my poor choices in life but actually I think he would admit that this is probably the first time I've made the right choices.

I guess I am over thinking way to much but deep down I wouldn't change the situation it as I am happier now than I have ever been which honestly hasn't been often throughout my life.

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