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I'm hulking out!

(5 Posts)
SunRa Mon 17-Aug-15 16:31:08

My OH and I are getting married in less than 4 weeks and being magicians with our timings we are also moving house this week with our 2 year old DS. Stress levels are pretty high.

We've been together for 9.5yrs and are having a wedding mainly because our families want it. We had talked about eloping/marrying abroad for the last few years but our mothers talked us round. And since they are generously paying for most of it we've been pretty happy to let it go more their way than ours and I really haven't got too hung up on any of the details.

But my Mum still manages to drive me crazy!! One of my parent's friends is an alcoholic and I really don't like him, but I love his wife and they are more like my aunt/uncle than my actual blood relatives so they are invited. (every family has its issues) so my plan was to keep alcohol on tables to a minimum (its a day wedding, no evening do, and my OH & I don't drink so it would seem very reasonable) and there be extra bottles in the back for catering staff to bring out if need be.

My Mum has insisted that we have 60 bottles (for 35 guests...) and they are paying for alcohol and that I was being stingy only allowing 1/2 bottle per head and 'haha mr alco can drink that on his own'......erm yeah, joking aside that's my issue.

I spent ages doing the seating plan - Mum has just called so say 'I've just made some changes'...WHAT?? leave it alone!! The changes are basically putting all her friends on one table and giving zero craps about our other guests.

I even had to talk to the seamstress secretly on my own because she talked all over me during the alterations/fittings asking for things I didn't want. Likewise with the flowers. I've had to change the tying on all flowers because she didn't think the jute on her corsage went with her outfit.

For the most part I don't care, but I feel like it is still mine & my OH's wedding and the very few bits we have had a say in are now being unpicked so it just isn't us anymore.

I want to cry.

Glindathegoodwitch Mon 17-Aug-15 16:33:42

Tell her that you are doing it your way, end of story.

The other option is that you are going to cancel the wedding and elope as previously planned, and she can get her money back.


SunRa Mon 17-Aug-15 16:38:05

Haha I wish I could. I just don't have the balls.

I am going to put my foot down over the seating plan but its a stressful confrontation I could do without.

She's forever guilt tripping me over the amount of money spent even though it was their choice. I feel stuck between a rock & a hard place!

momb Mon 17-Aug-15 19:56:11

I am in my late 40s, got married last year, and almost went NC with my Mum because she just couldn't stop moaning. We invited everyone she wanted (none of them came, none of them RSVPd and I had to chase them). In the run up to the wedding she complained about everything, even thogu it was a second wedding and she'd chosen everything for the first one. Even now every time I speak to her she moans about something from last year until I change the subject.
My advice, for what it's worth, would be to let her do it. Unless it's made the other tables have people who really don't get on together or something, then it really doesn't matter. Give her this, and secretly smile knowing that this one small victory for her means you can go behind her back and do what you want for the rest. As for the alcohol: if she's paying then she gets to decide how much to provide...alas it's the price you pay!

SunRa Mon 17-Aug-15 20:41:00

I just wish we'd bloody eloped! haha

I think I needed the moan, I'm back to my subservient self again and she's getting her way sigh

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