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Getting married just DP and I, How to break the news?...

(13 Posts)
islablossom15 Mon 10-Aug-15 12:47:57

Dp and I are getting married in November, Just us two - and two witnesses of course. We decided to do it this way for many reasons and it is the right decision for us.

Some people are bound to be upset by our decision, so we are going to mention the idea to our close family before we go ahead so they know our plans, but wont be discussing any dates or details until after we are wed.

I have thought about sending out something once we have initially mentioned it, stating our plans (still no dates), our reasons and how our love and commitment for each other is the main part in this day, OUR day. Almost a No invite invitation? Done in the most appropriate way possible of course but is it rubbing salt in the wound?

We really don't want to wait until afterwards to spring the surprise on everyone but also neither of us are very good at saying no and don't want to be pressurised into letting family come as it would soon spiral out of control and no longer be exactly how we want.

So is this a good idea? or a very very bad one? I don't know any more! No matter what we will be getting married as planned, so you could say none of this matters anyway. I just want feelings to be hurt as little as possible whilst still having the day that we want.

LettuceLaughton Mon 10-Aug-15 12:49:47

Surely no one needs to know? Why would you tell them?

PenelopePitstops Mon 10-Aug-15 12:51:09

I would tell them after. Sending something before is very wierd. Just say afterwards dp and I are married. You could be casual about it, like yep we're married. You are avoiding one drama but creating another by sending out cards before.

gamerchick Mon 10-Aug-15 12:51:31

It's a bad one. Why would you want to rub the nose into your plans of so many people before hand who will certainly see it like that?

Do it afterwards unless you want mass intervention and upset that railroads you into a bigger thing.

Are you sure you really want it to be such a small thing rather than your partners as you seem to be bursting to tell everyone?

happystory Mon 10-Aug-15 12:56:12

If you want to keep it quiet, keep it quiet. Unless you both have families that you don't really care about it, I would just present it as a fait accompli. Otherwise people are going to be upset knowing it's happening and they aren't there.

islablossom15 Mon 10-Aug-15 12:58:37

Now ive posted this I think maybe I was getting myself into a state of over thinking panic blush it does seem like a silly idea doesn't it.

It was actually me who suggested a wedding just us two, but I'm also a major coward when it comes to news breaking!

I just hate to think of people being hurt by our decision to have our day how we want it, but its inevitable, Thanks for helping me see sense! grin

scatterthenuns Mon 10-Aug-15 13:00:45

Keep it quiet. Even after the event, I'd just tell them you got married on a whim and without much planning, if they are truly offended.

TendonQueen Mon 10-Aug-15 13:05:02

Unless you're having a party or something you're going to invite people to a bit later on, then don't tell anyone. Just announce it or send cards afterwards (as it's a November wedding, in your shoes I'd do a note to put in Christmas cards when they go out). You could then say 'we got married quietly but we're having a party to celebrate on X date and we'd love to see you then'. Only if you want that of course.

Crosbybeach Mon 10-Aug-15 13:05:29

2 sets of close friends of mine headed off to get married, just the two of them. Didn't tell family or friends before hand.

One set sent everyone a card afterwards to say: Hey, we got married, here's a picture, we had a lovely day.

The other ones got married on holiday and just casually mentioned it to anyone who asked how their holiday went. News got round.

Both approaches worked for those particular couples. I quite liked the first approach - I don't know why they didn't want a big do, but it was lovely to know they had tied the knot.

Christelle2207 Mon 10-Aug-15 13:10:10

I like the idea of waiting till afterwards then sending a "hey we got married" card with a nice picture.
If you let people know before they'll whinge and you may be guilt-tripped into changing your plans.
No point anyone complaining if you've gone and done it already.

TyrannosaurusBex Mon 10-Aug-15 13:20:54

Nobody knew DH and I were married until he went into politics and mentioned having a wife in his manifesto.It was a done deal so nobody was particularly horrified.

VelvetGreen Mon 10-Aug-15 13:27:01

I'm gong to go against the grain a bit. We did this a few weeks ago - just us and 2 witnesses. We decided that we would tell parents beforehand as going ahead without telling them would on balance have caused more hurt than explaining beforehand why we wanted to do it very quietly. We did say that if it was a real issue for them we would reconsider no guests but they unanimously said we should do it how we wanted.

I'm so glad we did it like that - i would have felt guilty doing it on the sly, but of course that's me and my family. I don't doubt that they would rather have been there, but it was the right thing for us. We didn't tell pil the date though as they may well have turned up anyway!

As for everyone else we've just let them know as and when, no big announcement. No-one has been anything but pleased for us.

dolallymum Thu 13-Aug-15 16:40:40

Announce it afterwards but in a postive way by sending cards saying something like "Yay we got married".to show how happy you are.
Don't feel guilty and like you have to apologise for doing something that you want and makes you happy.

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