What did you find the hardest/most stressful part of planning a wedding?(43 Posts)
We found our wedding planning incredibly stressful despite working in project management and finance.
It took us a long time to get over our bickering (as we didn't know where to start!) before we became a cohesive unit, realising that putting our personality into the wedding was the most important part (apart from the reason we were getting married of course!)
What did you find the toughest part and why?
The gift list, by far. Felt really grabby. Neither of us wanted to out anything on it, but knew family were expecting it.
I hated that bit too - almost seemed presumptuous that we were expecting a gift for our big day. I hate gift lists too, but they are practical to avoid 7 kettles!
The input of relatives who all had fixed ideas of what was going to happen and were mortally hurt when I said it wasn't.
MIL thinking they could invite more relatives than my side because I'd invited aunts so they should have aunts too. Her family is massive, mine is tiny and the aunts were representing my dad who had just died. Er no, the venue and guest list was tiny and you can't have more just because all mine have just died!
DM wanting to make a speech
and numerous other things because my dad had just died. I said no, I was going to make my own speech thanks. She was upset but it was OK as on the day she was so busy crying that she couldn't have made a speech I knew this would happen and that's why I didn't want her to make a speech
DM making a big song and dance about me not wearing white because I wasn't virgin
Every man I'd invited deciding they should make a speech on behalf of my dead dad. Fuck off.
And so on.
Didn't find wedding planning too stressful, the one thing that was a bit awkward was doing the table plan (me & DH are from different countries, so had to be careful about languages, and not leave anyone stranded at a table where they couldn't understand any of the conversation)
Didn't do a gift list, so avoided that, everyone gave us money anyway.
Training myself to ignore any phrase that started with 'you don't want to' or 'you want to'. As in 'you don't want to have a veggie option at a winter wedding, it's too cold'
This type of thing was a frequent refrain from my IL's throughout, apparently we didn't want a cake we actually liked either (as in Not Fruit)...
If it had turned into a drinking game we'd have been pissed for the 4 months it took us to organise it!
'As in 'you don't want to have a veggie option at a winter wedding, it's too cold' '
I used to be a non-meat eater and I thought that I had heard every single insane, batshit crazy comment about vegetarians there was but apparently I was wrong! Do they think that veggies eat only lettuce and cucumber or something?!
Haha, this brings the memories flooding back! Especially, the debates about why they should get what they want because they were contributing half toward the wedding! Politics, politics, politics!
I think half the struggle is forgetting it's your wedding, and that the two of you are the most important people there, that's all it comes down to.
Different strokes for different folks eh!
It was a bit of a corker Lotta
I have a large number of vegetarians on my side so it was non negotiable. MIL (who said it) is of the opinion that it's not a proper meal unless there is a large piece of meat
and a few over cooked vegetables on the plate..
Definitely family input - or lack of input. I'd never actually been to a wedding as a grown up before I got married, and would have loved some helpful tips (like bouquets are really heavy, don't go too big; anywhere you go will charge you extra for sodding chair covers). Instead of unhelpful stuff like "isn't your flat too small to get married from"...
Ah yes, the meat obsessives. It just doesn't count as food unless its meat with overcooked veg. Mm, appetising! Hope she got her head around the vegatarians in the end
FIL telling us who we HAD to invite, making demands about who sat where. Then we told him he could have a say when he paid for the wedding. Until then, butt out.
Managing parental attitudes. Nightmare. In the end we decided against having our wedding in my home town and did it in London, far, far away from DM.
DM sent me a list of 36 of her friends (this did not including family!) that we "HAVE to invite!" I'd never even heard of some of them, nevermind met them. She didn't speak to me for a month when I trimmed the list to 6. She also threw a hissy fit about tablecloths (we weren't having them, which caused a melt down). She even shouted "It's not about YOU!" when I objected to her stipulations about our wedding.
Example of her Mother-of-the-Bride-zilla attitude - We didn't want any posed group photos and arranged for the photographer to work on a long lens, reportage style basis. On the day, she countermanded this and handed the photographer a list of family shots and timetable she wanted. It nearly resulted in a tearful row because I wouldn't pose for her rediculous school class photo until I gave in.
My MIL. With making minimal contributions she expected a say on everything. We had two weddings and I learned from the first to just say no. Budget for first was $2500 and it ended up costing us $6k. I was furious with myself.
As others have said, parents.
If I'm being perfectly honest the reason we got married in the first place was to please them (on both sides). So we really should have just stuck to the formula for the wedding in order to continue pleasing them. But we got what we wanted in the end (just us & parents at registry office, no white dress) and I don't think anyone was really that upset. If they were then they are tools, it is just a wedding.
Refusing other people's wants and whims. It was our wedding. Our day. We found it hard not to bend towards other peoples wants.
Managing my mothers expectations was the most work. she had very firm ideas on what makes a wedding and the correct etiquette. she was mostly horrified at my ideas of making things myself - kept wanting to throw money at us to do it her way (which gave my dad reasons to make jibes about money at me).
Everything else was easy because I really didnt care. I just wanted to be married and have a party
'She even shouted "It's not about YOU!" when I objected to her stipulations about our wedding'
This is far from the first time I've read the same comment being made by a parent to their adult child during either wedding planning or baby planning. My sister is currently planning her wedding and my dad has a serious cob on about various issues which are really very trivial in the grand scheme. I think he's furious that he doesn't have any control and wants everyone to come running to him asking his opinion on everything. Nuts. And extremely tedious.
If DP and I ever get married, all family members will just be
told invited to show up on X date at Y time in Z location. They won't even get a sniff of the planning - it just creates opportunities for too many oars to get shoved in. You cannot please people so just don't even try - please yourselves
Mostly realising afterwards that I should have done it differently - should have had a buffet or a barbecue not a sit-down dinner, should have looked in a mirror before wearing that underwear, shouldn't have married on a Saturday, shouldn't have served such an enormous ham, shouldn't have had such an early wedding time so that lots of people had to get up at the crack to get there. THere was a long string of gentle negative comments through the day from people which I found hard.
Otherwise, should have gone with DH's original plan A of 12 people at Le Manoir Aux Quat' Saisons - that was a fab idea. However, since our plan B of 60 people at a cheaper restaurant was kaiboshed by the PILS inviting 10 people without consulting us and asking how many more they could invite (and moaning when we eventually said a total of 30), perhaps we were always fooling ourselves. We ended up with 120 in a village hall and tbh although it was a good day I have no desire to look at the photos or remember it much, which is a bit sad.
Ha!, PILs asked us how many they could invite as we had to invite Great Aunt Edna - I said none!
Although it felt awful at the time, it was good as they didn't ask anything else about the wedding and when they did turn up they had a great time and gave us money towards it.
If we'd agreed to Great Aunt Edna there would have been a new request every week.
Your Plan A does sound a fab idea - maybe you could do it for a significant anniversary?
Chrisquean, are you my secret sister?? My mother was the same. Wedding dress shopping wasn't about me apparently. She seriously thought Dh should have NO opinion on anything. Spent most of my wedding livid with me because I was being too fussy and self obsessed because I actually wanted to blow dry my hair and do my make up (nothing elaborate, washed hair, dried it, was short so not much I could do anyway) we very nearly eloped.
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