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No guests from groom's side...???

(100 Posts)
VixforVictory Sun 26-Jul-15 12:51:32

DH and I are having our ceremony in a few weeks' time. It's taking place abroad, and both save the dates and invitations were sent out in January. Both our families are in other continents but although quite a few of my relatives are going through a lot of trouble to be there, DH's parents decided against it as they'd rather save up for a tour of Europe next year. Meanwhile, not a single one of his friends in the UK or elsewhere have bothered to confirm.

Emotionally, I feel that people in DH's side are treating our wedding as a bit of a joke? No idea why as our invitations were beautiful (if I may say so myself), more on the formal side of things and we spent a lot of time putting lots of information together for our guests such as travel, accommodation etc. I can understand that it's a bit ask as not everyone can afford (for financial reasons or other) to take a good few days off to travel abroad for a wedding. That's fine - well, DH's parents aside. It's the rudeness of it all that has shocked me. It is at the very least polite to say whether you can make it or not?! Not even DH's so-called best friend has confirmed...

From a financial perspective, we put RSVP dates on the invitations as there are things such as flip flops which we want to order in the correct size, and it all costs money as they are personalised - plus other things such as the chair covers, transfer hire. It's all dependent on the total number of people.

Where have we gone wrong and how would you deal with it? I am trying my very best to focus on the fact that, from my side, I am being shown nothing but love. However, there is the feeling of rejection every time my mum, who's taken upon herself to order a lot of the stuff for us, asks me to re-confirm numbers to order.

Panzee Sun 26-Jul-15 12:56:03

Why do you feel the friends are treating it as a joke? I am also interested in why his parents aren't coming. Saving up for their own trip is a shit excuse to miss their son's wedding. There's more to this than flip flops, isn't there?

LovesYoungDream Sun 26-Jul-15 12:57:23

You refer to your oh as dh, are you already married, could you have a small ceremony abroad and throw a reception when you get home. A lot of people are struggling financially so are probably embarrassed to admit they can't afford it.

VixforVictory Sun 26-Jul-15 13:14:17

His parents: they want to do this tour of Europe next year (I wasn't aware of that). They can't afford to come over twice so it was a choice between our wedding and their once-in-a-lifetime-trip. However, they only started talking about that months after they had been given the dates, etc by which time the flights had already gone up by £££. They haven't shown any interest at all in the preparations etc.

His friends: we knew from the start that it was quite a big ask, also as the location isn't the easiest to get to. What hurts more than the absence is the lack of response. To me, it seems incredibly rude and inconsiderate. And for not even his best friend to make it...?

As for the flip flops, there's a whole bunch of things that needs to be confirmed but we can't as we still don't have final numbers. With some things, they will go to waste if we order to many or it'll be really awkward if people do end up making it and we don't have items for them, such as the flip flops for the beach.

Honestly? I think personalised flip flops would be a really silly waste of money, even if everybody was coming!

Perhaps really pare down the wedding abroad, and then have a party back in the UK with the money you save, for those who can't/choose not to come to the wedding abroad?

MirandaWest Sun 26-Jul-15 13:21:21

I really don't understand the flip flops - wouldn't people either bring their own if they wanted them or have bare feet? But maybe I just don't understand personalised things at weddings.

I do agree that not replying at all is rude though.

VixforVictory Sun 26-Jul-15 13:26:32

I was using the flip flops as an example. With those, the main thing is not wasting money on extra flip flops and ordering them in the correct sizes - only because it's a beach ceremony and a pebbled beach for that matter so it'd be nice for our guests to have those.

But like I said, flip flops or no flip flops, everyone has had their invites since January and were asked to RSVP by 01 July. It's just very rude and I personally feel rejected by DH's side, to be honest. That's of course a real issue!

Can your dp not make some phone calls and ask for yays or nays?

VixforVictory Sun 26-Jul-15 13:54:39

Yes, he says he's been doing that. I think this post is more about me coming to terms or trying to understand how I should feel about the lack of interest from his side of the equation. In particular, the lack of interest from his parents - they can't make it for whatever reason but at least show some interest? I emailed his mum months ago with lots of info and trying to start some form of contact, seeing that I had never spoken to DH's parents. I got a pretty short and neutral response back and nothing ever since. Back to what I've said before: I can't help but feel rejected.

Christelle2207 Sun 26-Jul-15 13:58:32

Taking away the issues with the inlaws and the flip flops, I think your issue is that people have neglected to let you know if they're coming or not. A bit rude but happens with every wedding. A simple text to those who haven't responded should clarify this. Loads of people didn't respond by our rsvp date and when I chased them up many of them were like "oh yeah we are coming sorry I thought I'd let you know".

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Sun 26-Jul-15 14:03:22

I don't see how it is relevant that your invitations were nice... But I agree it is still rude that so many people haven't confirmed one way or another.

How does your OH feel about this, though? Are you feeling rejected on his behalf?

TheSpottedZebra Sun 26-Jul-15 14:03:41

Are you both from the UK and getting g married far away?
Maybe for your DH's guests, the cost, time off etc was so far out of the equation that it was never going to be possible and they though that you knew that? Could hey have said no to him and it's not been recorded as a response?

LovesYoungDream Sun 26-Jul-15 14:05:02

Get your dp, best man and dp's family to ring around. It is expensive to attend weddings abroad, how much notice did you give them?Did they have time to save?

Bunbaker Sun 26-Jul-15 14:05:24

"I can understand that it's a bit ask as not everyone can afford (for financial reasons or other) to take a good few days off to travel abroad for a wedding."

It isn't just a big ask, it is a massive ask. You must have read the number of threads on here from people who have been invited to weddings abroad who can't afford the time and/or the money. It isn't just the travel expenses, it is new outfits and wedding gifts as well.

"Where have we gone wrong"

By having the wedding abroad in a difficult to reach location.

TheSpottedZebra Sun 26-Jul-15 14:05:33

Oh, sorry, you said that your family are on other continents.

If they don't travel much, perhaps his family want to be able to spend more time with you, rather then at a wedding, where they'd have only a few days and they'd have to share you with others.

Is it possible too that the wedding is a bit £££ and people are uncomfortable about that?

Bunbaker Sun 26-Jul-15 14:06:08

Although I agree it was rude of people not to reply.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Sun 26-Jul-15 14:06:42

No-one from his side has replied at all?

And most / all from your side have?

Is that right?

LovesYoungDream Sun 26-Jul-15 14:08:12

Did you post the invites yourself? Seems odd that none of his side have responded, did they receive the invites

Only1scoop Sun 26-Jul-15 14:12:18

You call him DH are you already married?

Just phone and confirm the numbers and stop pussyfooting around. A huge ask for anyone to pay for and travel to another country for a wedding. Sounds very one sided to be honest.

The personalised stuff would put me off going....oh jeez I hope it's not really those flip flops confusedgrin

Pantone363 Sun 26-Jul-15 14:12:15

In the nicest possible way, it's just not as important to them as it is to you. I know it's the biggest day of your life and you've put lots of planning etc into it but to other people it's just an expensive pain in the neck.

RepeatAdNauseum Sun 26-Jul-15 14:13:44

You've never spoken to his parents? And no one at all has replied from his side?

PatriciaHolm Sun 26-Jul-15 14:18:05

Given you refer to yourselves as married in several other posts, perhaps people don't see what ever this ceremony is as important? If you are already married, which you say you are, then this is just a party as far as they are concerned.

LovesYoungDream Sun 26-Jul-15 14:19:07

Beginning to think I've been caught out angry bloody school holidays

SavoyCabbage Sun 26-Jul-15 14:22:33

I'm,sure everyone you invited would still love to have the personalised flip flops anyway. Even if they don't go to the wedding.

Perhaps, keeping with theme, you could send all the non replies a boot as a symbolic boot up the arse to remind them to reply.

Only1scoop Sun 26-Jul-15 14:26:20

But you are already married? Why on earth would God and His dog and family fly out for a party and a few pics with personalised bits?

Are his kids going?

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