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Church ceremony

(12 Posts)
SunnyStriker Sat 25-Jul-15 10:07:49

We've been engaged a few weeks and are hoping to get married next summer.

We are viewing a reception venue tomorrow and I will be contacting the Reverend on Monday.

My brother says we are hypocrites for even considering a church wedding as we don't attend church and that the vicar will frown upon this and may not marry us....
It's true we don't go to church apart from christenings, funerals and the odd christmas/easter/harvest festival service etc.
However our children are christened, they attend church of England schools we celebrate Christian events.
I think a lot of couples who marry in a church do not necessarily attend on a regular basis but that doesn't make them hypocrites to want a religious ceremony.
Did you marry in a church and how 'religious ' are you?
Are we hypocrites for considering this and will the vicar really frown upon us??
I really can't imagine getting married anywhere other than a church....

Christelle2207 Sat 25-Jul-15 10:12:41

If you are Christian then you're not hypocrites IMO. However whether or not your vicar will allow you to marry in church is up to him/her. They may ask you to attend more regularly first but will probably agree. At the end of the day weddings bring much needed cash to the church.

Christelle2207 Sat 25-Jul-15 10:14:22

I wanted to marry in a church but my husband is atheist- it would have been wrong for him to marry in a church despite me wanting it.

Spickle Sun 26-Jul-15 09:59:33

Your chosen church will probably be happy to marry you. They will undoubtedly expect you and DP to attend some services in the lead up to the wedding day but that is no great hardship as you do attend on an occasional basis and are christians.

Please choose the wedding that you want, not what your brother thinks you should do. IMO licensed venues are not the same (perfectly acceptable for the reception but a room decorated in a church style, no). I think having religious readings and hymns at a church marriage ceremony are so lovely and you can't have these if you are not marrying in a church. It's not hypocritical to want to have a religious ceremony for such an important event.

For my first marriage, I felt exactly like you - not a regular church goer and felt too hypocritical to want a church wedding, so I married in a register office and bitterly regretted it. I was widowed fairly young and earlier this month I married for the second time in a church ceremony. It was so lovely, we are not regular church goers but did have to attend Sunday services for a couple of months prior to our marriage. We got to know the Reverend over these months quite well and we intend to continue going to Sunday Service semi regularly (it is a fair distance to travel for us). I guess from the church's point of view, they get some much needed funds, beautiful flowers (paid by you) and hopefully an increase in their congregation as well as helping to cement community relations and your support at fundraising events thereafter.

Go for it, it's your day. Have the wedding you want and don't try to please everyone else because there will always be someone who will be critical.

Szeli Thu 30-Jul-15 06:23:17

I'm on a church council and we welcome all weddings - the thought process being they provide much needed income and after your wedding you may become inspired to continue as a regular worshipper.

The requirements are very easy to fulfill in CofE, living in the parish is enough.

You are not a hypocrite

PunkrockerGirl Thu 30-Jul-15 06:26:39

What Szeli said.

Penfold007 Thu 30-Jul-15 06:31:50

I agree with your brother and think it's hypocritical to marry on a church when you dont attend regularly. I think Szeli sums it up when she admits her church council will accept any weddings as they want the money (and possible longer term commitment). It's no different than paying for any other licensed venue.

SweetAndFullOfGrace Thu 30-Jul-15 06:31:59

How is it hypocritical? You want to get married in a church, so get married in a church. I don't see the problem your brother has (unless he's just being selfish and doesn't want you to be happy).

The CofE can't have it both ways. As is frequently pointed out on many threads about religion in schools, we're a "Christian country" hence the CofE gets special access to power (seats in the House of Lords) and children (daily worship component of the national curriculum). It would be hypocritical in the extreme for them to then refuse to allow someone to get married in one of their churches by way of return.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Thu 30-Jul-15 06:32:16

Even the CofE website says its fine...

www.yourchurchwedding.org/youre-welcome/can-i-marry-in-church.aspx

FishWithABicycle Thu 30-Jul-15 06:38:29

It's not hypocritical. It's fine. Your brother is an arse. It's not like you are rampant Richard Dawkins style militant atheists. You consider yourselves Christian but not especially actively so - mainly just churchgoers for special occasions. Well a wedding is a special occasion. So a church is exactly the right place for you to celebrate it.

ememem84 Thu 30-Jul-15 06:38:54

Personally I would have felt I was being a bit hypocritical. I've been christened but rarely go to church. I'm not sure whether I believe.

If we had married in church I'll honestly say it would have been for lovely pictures ("my" church ie the one nearest to our house is beautiful....)

End of the day though it's your wedding. Do what you want. Do what feels right.

Szeli Thu 30-Jul-15 09:26:53

I'm not a big fan of atheist church weddings tbh and find that quite hypocritical but you aren't an atheist you're a non practising Christian as are many.
I didn't go to church for 10 years when I worked a job that clashed with services - doesn't make me any less Christian despite what a miliant christian school friend thinks

Pop down to a service and collar a warden or vicar after over coffee to discuss your options/make an appointment

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