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regretting my choice of bridesmaid

(8 Posts)
starodyssey2015 Wed 06-May-15 02:26:58

I have a friend I have known for years. Since we were kids. I wouldn't say it was a rocky relationship but I haven't got over the fact she used to steal things from me when we were younger. Which I think is strange because she had more money than me..anyway.

I got engaged 2 years ago. We've set a date for December and I asked her to be my bridesmaid last June. Since then, she's got a new group of friends (friends who were at our school and I was never bad to them) but for some reason they think it's okay to troll me on Facebook. Today, in fact, I put a picture of a bridesmaids dress on her Facebook to see if she liked it and they all took the piss and just mocked our whole wedding. She just laughed along with them and I am left feeling quite hurt.

Over the past few months she's been very distant, and argumentative with others on Facebook, which she never did before. Not that I'm saying she shouldn't see her friends, she can see who she likes but I'm upset that she let's them speak to me this way. I haven't done anything to them. I used to put pictures of my son and me up and they even trolled them! Naturally I've deleted them but I'm still hurt that she didn't tell them to stop.

We have barely spoken in months and I don't really think I want her to be my bridesmaid anymore. She never makes the effort. I drove to her flat 50 miles away 2 weeks ago. All preplanned. The first thing she said to me was I couldn't stay ages but could I give her a lift back to our home town so she could meet up with her new pals. I ended up staying for 45 mins with my baby who had been stuck in the car for an hour and then had to drive her back here so she could see them.

I think she's bored of me, which I can live with. But how do I tell her I don't want to be a part of my special day?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Wed 06-May-15 02:44:19

I don't understand why you asked her to be your bridesmaid in the first place, but you may as well cut all ties with her now - she doesn't sound like your friend, never mind one if your closest friends. Just tell her you feel you have grown apart and don't think you are in the same place anymore and you don't think if would be appropriate anymore for her to play a formal part in your wedding.

starodyssey2015 Wed 06-May-15 02:46:21

We were very good friends a year ago. She lived with us for a while whilst her house was being refurbished. I guess that why she might have been so nice then.

No1warnedme Wed 06-May-15 03:02:37

Your wedding day is supposed to be full of happiness and I don't see you being able to fully relax and enjoy yourself with this woman as your bridesmaid. Although it might be difficult, please tell her that she cannot be your bridesmaid any more, and that you've grown apart. Judging by how she's been treating you, I doubt it will come as a shock to her. Put yourself first, you dont need her in your life.

SavoyCabbage Wed 06-May-15 03:47:31

First get her off your facebook! Either block her or if you want just restrict her so so she can't see anything you posted.

Make sure all your settings are secure so only your actual friends can see your page.

If this were me, I would just tell her as I am quite confident usually. Like No1 says, it can't be going to be much of a shock. OR, you could take it that by what she has said on Facebook, she has made the decision she's not going to be a bridesmaid. And carry on with your wedding planning. Don't send her an invitation.

CaptainAnkles Wed 06-May-15 05:32:09

Block her and her friends on Facebook. And tell her she's no longer required as your bridesmaid. Why would you want somebody taking part in your day who slags you and your child off on the Internet? I wouldn't want to look back at my wedding photos wishing someone wasn't in them.

Leeds2 Thu 07-May-15 13:51:17

Get rid, asap. She will only cause you more grief. Don't give second chances to someone who criticises your DC, or endorses other people doing so. She is not your friend.

Stubbed Thu 07-May-15 13:55:46

First, tell her you've decided not to have any bridesmaids after people's comments on FB

Then let the friendship fade and don't send her an invite to the wedding

Then ask the bridesmaid that you do want. The original one will prob find out and the friendship will be over. Easy.

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