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Is this crap?

(51 Posts)
SofaSpud Thu 20-Nov-14 15:56:21

I've been planning my wedding periodically for the past 15 years. It always stresses me out so I give up.

I have a big family, only two siblings but lots of aunts, uncles, cousins. DP has one estranged brother and his elderly mum and not one single friend. This is usually the sticking point as DP gets embarrassed at the size of his 'side' - basically his mum.
We have three DDs between us, all young adults.

My latest plan which I really want to go through with this time is this;

My birthday is Dec, so in 2015, I'm going to have a 'party' at my house. Invite our kids + boyfriends, my Dsis+partner, my DB+partner+nephew , my mum and dad and his mum. So 14 guests.

When they arrive I'm going to do 'ha ha' its our wedding really, bus will be here in 30 mins and we're all going to the town hall. Gift of confetti and flowery brooch thing for everyone and off we pop. Minbus will decorate and charge �75 for single journey.

Our Town Hall is very beautiful and on the same road (2 min walk for elderly ma) is a lovely small real ale type bistro (gets 5 stars on TA) with 3 courses for �21 PP. they have a private dining room which seats 16 maximum (a sign?). This is a small chain which DSD works for so we'll also get 25% off!
we have meal, little speech, gifts for DDs,flowers for mums then thank everyone for coming. The end.

CONCERNS

Is the 'surprise' bit a bit naff? If I dont surprise I'll have opinions and stresses I CBA with. DD's will want extravagant outfits, mum will try to make it bigger and bigger, sis will want a big hen do. They'll all want to know what to get me and I dont want anything and so on and so forth.

DP would have to collect his DM who is 60 miles away. Is it ok if we send her home in a taxi? (costed at �80, we'll pay). She gets confused easily nowadays and this feels a bit mean. Is it?

As this is 'just' a party - I'm worried some might decline (after accepting - thinking DB's gfriend)

Will ladies feel a bit PO that they are underdressed for wedding. Particularly our mums who wont get to wear a hat! I will definitely be wearing a veil.

Anything else I havent even considered?

sorry for long post smile

Heels99 Thu 20-Nov-14 15:59:07

Can you do it this year instead? Save you stressing for another full year.

UncrushedParsley Thu 20-Nov-14 16:00:28

Sounds good to me smile

CMOTDibbler Thu 20-Nov-14 16:01:08

Sounds great. Tell everyone you'll be going out for a posh lunch and to dress up, and that you'll be booking a table etc, I think your mum will be fine in a taxi

TobyLerone Thu 20-Nov-14 16:03:45

I think it's a fab idea. I'd love to go to a party like this. If you're worried about people feeling underdressed, you could put a dress code on the invitations.

Re the MIL thing, sending her home in a taxi if she is easily confused might be a bad idea. Would she be better off in a nearby b&b? Then you could drop her home again the next day.

sandgrown Thu 20-Nov-14 16:10:03

Don't know why but this brought a tear to my eye. We are in a similar position of on and off thinking about a wedding for years and I would love to do something similar. It sounds fab and I would love it but I do love surprises.

Saltedcaramel2014 Thu 20-Nov-14 16:15:35

Fun idea. But I can see the potential for important people not being there/you being pretty stressed on the day(I know I would be!?)... Couldn't you just do a small wedding you and DH and witnesses then everyone pile in for a big party?

Flo99Ora Thu 20-Nov-14 16:16:22

We are planning something similar, minus the surprise element. I know my mother would not appreciate a surprise element!

Moominmarvellous Thu 20-Nov-14 16:19:07

I think it sounds perfect!

It sounds like you've considered everything and the surprise element is really fun and romantic, not naff at all!

Go for it!

SofaSpud Thu 20-Nov-14 16:20:05

Thanks everyone.
This year? shock dya know. .I just might. Will check dates with RO.
Thought about telling people we're going somewhere posh. But worried they'd want to 'see me there' if pretend place is near me and surprise I guess they'll still make there way to mine.
DP s mum is mostly ok. She won't stay over, she'd hate it, has dogs. What about one of those lady only taxi companies?
Sandgrown. . Don't set me off like that!
X

TobyLerone Thu 20-Nov-14 16:25:00

You could always tell them you're taking them out to lunch but the venue is a surprise?

TobyLerone Thu 20-Nov-14 16:26:14

Ah. Now I've read properly I see you've already thought of that blush

amroc18 Thu 20-Nov-14 16:55:43

Sounds wonderful grin would definitely do that if didn't have the politics involved in ours. And second this year if you can-saves your stress!

MummyBeerest Thu 20-Nov-14 17:05:20

This sounds amazingly fun.

I'd preface it as a "holiday" party. Add an undertone of special-ness to it.

KristinaM Thu 20-Nov-14 17:18:56

If you have been stressing about this for 15 years you should just do it. As soon as possible. Even if you had tens of thousands to spend, nothing can match up to the expectations of 15 years . At this rate your MIL will be dead before you have the perfect plan .

You need to get realistic . You will never please everyone . So just please yourself , your DP and your kids, in that order.

You plans sounds good. Tell everyone who complains that they don't need to come to your next wedding .

Get off Mumsnet and go and book it now, for January 2015. It's such a depressing month, everyone will be glad to have a party to look forward too . It's another chance to wear your Christmas party dress. What's not to like ?

Leeds2 Thu 20-Nov-14 17:47:01

I think it sounds absolutely lovely.

Hellokittycat Thu 20-Nov-14 17:57:49

Sounds amazing. I would love to turn up to that :-)

FluffyRedSocks Thu 20-Nov-14 18:22:56

Sounds amazing, I kinda wish I could do this but dp I think he's a women at heart wants a big white wedding!!

fishfingerSarnies Thu 20-Nov-14 18:25:28

Sounds great! I think do it, can you think of a reason for a posh party so people can get a bit dressed up if they fancy it?

SofaSpud Thu 20-Nov-14 18:57:26

Thanks everyone. You've really reassured meflowers. I think part of the delay is my being self conscious about things like this. I hate being Centre of attention. I'm going to go for it. The idea of doing it this Dec stresses me out a bit with Xmas and everything but I like the idea of January and dp's birthday is Jan so this is my decoy. As a PP said mil is unlikely to be with us much longer.
sad.
Re. Mil I think two weeks prior I'll bring her in on the secret and discuss travel with her.
I'll keep you posted x

TobyLerone Thu 20-Nov-14 19:02:32

Yay! I got married in January and it was great. Something to look forward to smile

UncrushedParsley Thu 20-Nov-14 19:04:12

Yes, do Sofa. In the unlikely even I ever re-married, I had considered something like this smile

onepotatotwopotato Thu 20-Nov-14 19:25:26

Go for it OP! We did something very similar in terms of style and size earlier this year, and it was one of the loveliest, happiest days.

KristinaM Thu 20-Nov-14 19:59:22

Yeah!!! Please let us know when you've set a date so we can put it in our diaries wink

FaithLoveandGrace Fri 21-Nov-14 22:29:32

go for it!! it all sounds so exciting and amazing grin I definitely agree with January! Re dress code, just let people know in the party invite you want them to dress up smart. I personally wouldn't feel too put out about being underdressed at a wedding but that's just me. The most important thing is you and your husband to be making your vows together, not what people are wearing.

I agree putting mil in a taxi may not be best idea. Will she keep it secret if you talk to her? Is there anyone from your family that could go with her to make sure she gets home safely?

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