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SIL uninvited 'best man' speech dilemma!

(15 Posts)
ThePartyArtist Thu 21-Aug-14 15:29:45

We're getting married in 2 weeks, it'll be a small wedding abroad (where DP is from) with just immediate family (12 people altogether). We're having an outdoor ceremony, a garden drinks reception and then a meal at a restaurant.

Today my SIL-to-be declared on Facebook that she's finished writing her 'best man's speech'. This is not the first time she's referred to herself as such (months ago on FB about 'Best Man's dress' and we re-iterated that there's no best man. When we announced the wedding she asked about being bridesmaid and we told her there are none of them either).

I do think it's sweet of her to want to give a speech but a bit inappropriate of her to assume she's doing one. Remember this is a Facebook status not a message directly to us - so for all she knows we will be unaware this speech is happening until the day. The plan is for my dad to speak, then my husband and then me - I know it's not completely conventional but it's what we wanted to do. I think if SIL does a speech too it'll be overkill (that'd be a third of the party doing a speech!) However I don't want a fall out particularly as she says she's written it so may have put a lot of work into it. I wondered about deflecting her enthusiasm onto something else, like maybe at the drinks reception between the ceremony and the meal she could do a quick toast to us as Mr and Mrs... and we'd just have to hope it didn't turn into a full on speech! Or should we just tell her straight that she's not doing one? She will be aware that the restaurant part of the day is fairly informal so may assume she can do an off the cuff speech!

I know I shouldn't really be stressing about it I just think it's a bit cheeky of her!

CatThiefKeith Fri 22-Aug-14 15:40:35

You will get loads of posters along in a minute to say "can't she just say a few words?"

Having recently gone through similar my advice is to be firm, but get soon to be dh to have the necessary chat with her. Do not do this yourself as it is bound to have repercussions. I assume your stbdh is in agreement with you?

MizLizLemon Fri 22-Aug-14 15:44:59

The quick toast idea is a bit cups and ice, I think you either have to accept her speech or tell her not to give it.

nailslikeknives Fri 22-Aug-14 15:49:13

Just wondering if there's a cultural tradition of lots of people freely doing speeches wherever DH was born.

I went to an event once where every man and his dog had to get there bit in or it was thought you weren't really pulling your weight and didn't really care about the proceedings.

If it's cultural, I'd suck it up, if she's just got a heightened sense if her own importance, I'm still not sure I wouldn't suck it up,while reminding her the best speeches are no longer than 3 mins!! I read that somewhere on t'interweb wink

squishysquirmy Fri 22-Aug-14 15:57:34

Is it possible that she's not 100% serious? She's found a way to wind her brother up by going on about being the "best man" when you have repeatedly told her there isn't one. Also I'll bet that she knew you'd see the facebook post.

MrsCampbellBlack Fri 22-Aug-14 15:58:19

Did you post about this yesterday, am sure I read the exact same OP then?

Legionofboom Fri 22-Aug-14 16:00:12

I think nothing good ever comes of Facebook.

BackforGood Fri 22-Aug-14 16:00:26

I hear what you are saying, but do understand the idea of someone from his side of the family having the chance to say a few words to welcome you into their family, presumably in the same way that your Dad is welcoming your dh-to-be into your side of the family ?

I'd just suck it up - if you get chance to reiterate that it's really informal and there are only 12 of you there, so you're all going to be saying a few words rather than a long spiel and you're sure she'll be able to keep it in keeping with the style of the wedding.

MrsCampbellBlack Fri 22-Aug-14 16:00:29

God, how stupid am I - I read it yesterday and meant to reply then blush

But I'd let her do her speech, perhaps she wants to sing your praises?

NoArmaniNoPunani Fri 22-Aug-14 16:03:16

I think it sounds like a nice idea. Are they Danish? Everyone does a speech at a Danish wedding

AlleyCat11 Fri 22-Aug-14 16:03:45

Is she his only sibling? No point in hurting her feelings on your wedding day. Remember, she loves him too. And it might be a very nice, funny speech!

kaykayblue Tue 02-Sep-14 15:28:41

Wow, lots of very patient people on here.

I would have sent her a message saying "Hi, saw your status on facebook. Just to clarify that there is NO "best man" and there will be NO "best man speech". We appreciate the thought, but we thought we had made this clear a while ago."

Can't be doing with people trying to shoe horn their way into things.

ems1910 Wed 03-Sep-14 16:22:48

I'm with KayKay above. No way, unless specifically asked!

ems1910 Wed 03-Sep-14 16:23:41

I'm with KayKay above. No way, unless specifically asked!

AbbieHoffmansAfro Thu 04-Sep-14 14:38:06

You know, it partly depends on what your SIL is like. If she is kind and friendly and likely motivated by that, you could consider it, even though stealthily planning a hijack of your wedding is very annoying.

If she's attention-seeking and trying to grab the spotlight (been there with my SIL!), say a firm no now.

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