Brides - help me reply politely to this

[OhPuddleducks]

Been invited to a child-free wedding - a good friend who I've known for ten years. We've been close most of that time but have drifted apart over the last year or so and although I don't really know why, i think it's because she's v career driven and can't have kids and I've jacked in work to be a SAHM. I totally understand why she doesn't want kids there by the way, not bothered about that, and I'd love to go but will have a 7mo breastfeeder (and a toddler, who I definitely wouldn't want to take anyway) and logistically it's a bit impossible (other end of the country from where we live, no babysitter etc etc).

I have to reply by email and don't want to just say "we can't make it" as it might sound like I can't be bothered to go, but equally don't want to have a big, long excuse about the kids that could potentially sound like an attack on their decision not to invite them... Or an attempt to get them invited! So, if it were you, what would you want to hear? (Ps she lives in Hong Kong so ringing her to explain is out)

[OwlCapone]

I totally understand why she doesn't want kids there by the way, not bothered about that, and I'd love to go but will have a 7mo breastfeeder (and a toddler, who I definitely wouldn't want to take anyway) and logistically it's a bit impossible

Just rephrase this and finish by telling her you hope she has a wonderful day and how you look forward to seeing some photos afterwards.

[JugglingChaotically]

Can you FaceTime or Skype?
I also think that the paragraph you wrote is fine with just a little tweaking though.

[DebbieOfMaddox]

You could just go for something chatty like "I looked up your venue on Google and it looks lovely -- should be a beautiful day. I'm really gutted that we aren't going to be able to make it, but we'll drink a toast to you and hope we can see all the photographs after the big day." rather than going into details of any particular reason you can't go.

I assume you've considered booking into a hotel for all four of you and hiring a sitter for your DCs (I know lots of people don't like using "strange" babysitters, which is entirely their prerogative)?

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

I agree with Debbie. There's no need to tell her why you can't go, just send your regrets and ideally, some flowers or something, and let it go. Honestly, if you send reasons, there's room for misinterpretation. She might think you're angling for an exception for you and your children. I would just politely (and in a friendly tone) tell her that you're really sorry but you can't make it.

[OhPuddleducks]

Thank you everyone, that's all really helpful. I think you're right about being vague so she doesn't think I'm after an exception. Oh for a tick box reply slip! (Or a slightly older baby so that I could use it as an excuse for a night off!!)

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Yes, just say you are sad you can't make it and send a nice present.

[JessieMcJessie]

International calls are not as expensive as you think you know, and certainly much less expensive than attending a wedding. Also, you can use Skype on a mobile phone without the video if you don't like video calling and that is free. I should know-I live in Hong Kong! The fact that you have constructed an artificial barrier to actually speaking to your friend suggests the friendship is dead anyway, so subtle email drafting is a bit irrelevant.