Father of the bride stuff

[LadyFlumpalot]

Hello! I'm trying to figure out the solution to a tricky issue here. I'm very lucky in that I get on very well with both my dad and my step dad (who has been in my life for 22 years) and both are father figures to me. I obviously want to honour both of them at my wedding. What would your solution be to walking down the aisle, speech, dance etc? I'm basicially thinking about just scrapping the dance, having two speeches and getting them both to walk me down the aisle. Help! it's all political and I don't want to hurt either of them!

[NoGoodAtHousework]

We didn't have to worry about aisle stuff but I had both my dad and step dad do a speech. I would still have my dad walk me down the aisle I I had to choose. However, you could always have no one or even brother or someone if you can't decide?

[MsAspreyDiamonds]

Have both of them walk you down the aisle, one on each arm, I bet you there won't be a dry eye in the venue! That would be a very significant & powerful statement that make by choosing them both to walk you down the aisle.

Same with the speeches and dance with them both after the first dance with your new husband.

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[Yama]

Your plan sounds good LadyFlumpalot.

[EdithWeston]

Try and have a female vicar/celebrant. Then your first dance can be an eightsome reel?

[JessieMcJessie]

Do they get on with each other?

[LadyFlumpalot]

Oh wow, sorry! Thank you for all the suggestions! They tolerate each other.

[JessieMcJessie]

EdithWeston I have done many an Eightsome Reel in my time but I don't get the connection between that, a female celebrant and the two Dads issue here..?

[JessieMcJessie]

It's a tricky one. You want to honour both and hurt neither. Personally I'd feel a bit overwhelmed being flanked by 2 blokes on my way down the aisle- and being held up on both side could make you look drunk or disabled.. The concept of being given away is pretty outdated these days anyway so you could just cite feminism and do away with it altogether and walk in by yourself. The first dance traditions after bride and groom are not all that commonly observed now either-usually everyone just piles in for the disco once the main couple have done a bit of a shimmy.

Speeches is a tricky one though. Could you maybe make stepdad the emcee for the evening, allowing him to add a bit of contribution of his own when introducing other speakers, and then have your Dad do the trad Fob speech? Or vice versa?

Or maybe one does the giving away and the other gets the speech- is one a better or more confident speaker than the other?

I'd be interested to know what you decide. I have the opposite problem- my Dad has passed away and so we will be trying to tweak the order of events so as not to draw attention to his absence.

[TeamHank]

I would definitely walk down the aisle by yourself but then I'm strongly in the camp of thinking of it's awful old fashioned nonsense to be "given away" by your father! (Thankfully my father agreed!)

[EdithWeston]

I was making all sorts of assumptions JessieMcJessie (and my apologies for any which are wide of the mark).

The four couples would be: bride and groom, parents of groom, mother and stepfather of bride, father of bride and celebrant.

But as OP was thinking of scrapping set piece dances, it's a redundant bit of frivolity anyhow.

(PS: love the mental picture of two fathers holding up drunk bride).

[JessieMcJessie]

Ah, I get it now! I had in mind Dashing White Sergeant formations ( two men 1 woman or 2 women one men) and wondered if you'd mixed up the DWS with the eightsome. On your theory, wouldn't have to be an eightsome though, could be any Scottish dance as most are based on a 4 couple set.

Only problem is that celebrants rarely stay for the party. OP is your dad remarried or with someone?

[LadyFlumpalot]

Thank you everyone! Well problem solved, I broached the subject with my mum and she said my stepdad, whilst loving me like his daughter, has no wishes to do father of the bride stuff as he says he is not my dad.