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So DP proposed!!

(24 Posts)
ChubbyKitty Thu 02-Jan-14 23:32:38

I'll start by mentioning that I still haven't gotten over the fact that I'm going to be somebody's wife. I imagine that sinks in eventually..?

But anyway, my reasons for posting are that I'm really not sure how you plan a wedding. I don't want some massive theatrical affair with hordes of people I don't even know but I don't really want a very small ceremony, I want something in the middle.

I have a book that I've scribbled various aesthetic bits and bobs in such as colour schemes and types of dress and I've picked my bridesmaids and maid of honour providing they want to do it of course but aside from that I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

I've had a look at a couple of apps but found them a little overwhelming and I was wondering if I could find some more level-headed and calm advice here?smile

Jenda Thu 02-Jan-14 23:45:23

Congratulations!! I am envy . 4 years with DP and still waiting. However I have been bridesmaids before and will be again this year so am in wedding mode!

I think you need to draft a guest list so you can start getting an idea of the kind of venue you would like. One friend fell in love with a venue which was expensive for food so she had to be ruthless with her invites! If you wanted lots of guests but couldn't afford them would you consider a weekday wedding?

Do you know what time of year you would like to get married as that will affect the venue

Look up wedding fairs in your area, good for ideas.

Get pinterest if you haven't already. Took me a while to get used to but is totally brilliant for wonderful ideas.

So whats your ring like then grin

ChubbyKitty Thu 02-Jan-14 23:58:37

The ring is lovely grin it's white gold with a pink heart and two little clear cubic zirconas. We both know we'll never afford diamonds and whilst they are pretty I'm incredibly clumsy so..better not haha. It's very dainty which is good because I've got tiny hands smile

Well I totted up my family and friends and including wedding party, I'm at 66 people. We haven't even started on DPs side yet so I might have to be a little ruthless. I'd like to get married in summer because Id hate to be shivering. But our birthdays are in July and August so I thought maybe June?

I did find some cake pops on Pinterest that look like gaming dice which DP loves because we play dungeons and dragons. I thought they'd make a lovely centrepiece. Probably not the most important element but it's nice.

Jenda Fri 03-Jan-14 01:16:12

Soumds lovely. I have fat fingers so have told DP not to bother with diamonds as I will need something big to flatter my hand grin

Jenda Fri 03-Jan-14 01:18:26

Posted too soon!

June would be lovely. Have you thought about whether you'd want something outdoorsy or not? Also would you like a venue who sort everything out for you or would you be up for some d.i.y?

what do you like for bridesmaid dresses?

Jenda Fri 03-Jan-14 01:19:38

Cake pops sound great. I think the little bits are the most fun

ChubbyKitty Fri 03-Jan-14 11:52:08

I would like it to be partly outdoorsy for the reception because at least half the guest including me and all my bridesmaids are smokers so it'd be better if we didn't just have to pile on to the street in a big gang.

A little bit of DIY would be okay such as setting up the centrepieces. I'll have to check whereabouts in this town we could actually have it. I know the registry office has moved to the castle for some reason, but then the photos would be pretty lovely with that in the background!

I have a rough idea of bridesmaids dresses. I'm thinking ballerina pink with black accents, and I've looked at some clutch bags for them as I saw on Pinterest this card you can put in them and it has a poem about emergency kits and it'd be quite a nice little gift.

Are brides allowed a clutch bag as well or do I have to give all my stuff to my maid of honour to look after?

olivo Fri 03-Jan-14 12:11:44

When we got engaged in hue he autumn, we decided we would like to get married the next summer. I thought 8 months was bags of I time but somep eople seem seem to book weddings years in advance.

Lots will depend on your budget- we paid for our own, so that we could keep it low key and not have to invite people we rarely knew ( which we would probably have to have done if parents paid)

We wrote a list of things we both really wanted,things we would have if we could afford it, and thing a we really didn't want. I didn't want bridesmaids for example, but I did want church bells if we could afford it! From there, it depended on availability and cost. We were very aware that we wanted to buy our first house together so had to be sensible with money, while making it a lovely day for us and our guests, many of whom had travelled a very long way.

Sorry for the ramble, and congratulations, by the way!

ChubbyKitty Fri 03-Jan-14 14:22:10

Thank you olivosmile

I think a year and a half is probably the longest it could take me to plan. That's the maximum though, I can't see how people can want the same flowers or guests or what have you 4 years down the line, tastes change and there'd be all the build up for not a lot of enjoyment.

8 months is perfectly reasonable as well. If we had the funds we could do it in that time.

Unless of course my dad brings me a massive cardboard cheque for however much a wedding costs. not likely

I do have some inheritance due though so while part of it is paying off some small debts I have and getting the dental treatment I need, another portion of it could go towards say, the cars, or something. I also think that would kinda feel like my grandad had paid for my cars and he'd been involved, which he would have liked to have been.

Money is awkward. I was talking to my friend about weddings and I estimated a budget of about £5000, but I don't know how realistic that is. She did spend £4000 on hers though and it was wonderful so maybe..?

overmydeadbody Sun 05-Jan-14 09:00:09

Congratulations! How exciting!

I would say £5000 is enough for a wedding, one you have a budget you just stick to it, whether that budget is £1000 or £100,000.

The thing to remember with your wedding is it is just a big party for your nearest and dearest, and apart from actually getting legally married you don't have to do anything else just because it is what people do.

You don't have to get wedding cars, have 20 ushers and 4000 bridesmaids, you don't have to buy all the suits and dresses for all the 'wedding party', you don't even have to have favours or centrepieces!

I would suggest you and your DP sit down and make a list of what is important you you both on the day, and what you would like, and what you don't need to do.

Me and my DP did this, and it made planning so much easier!

I'd say once you have done this and drawn up the guest list your next big job is to hunt down the perfect venue for you.

Remember you don't have to go down the traditional wedding venue route either, of some fancy hotel or manor house. do you want to organise the catering seperately or get a venue that includes catering? Do you want to bring your own alcohol or have a venue that supplies it? Will you be supplying the booze or have a bar where guests have to pay? Do you want a formal three course sit down or a buffet or a hog roast/bbq?

Cakes are something to think about to. Do you want to pay £800 for a fancy five tier royal icing cake or have friends bake cupcakes and cake pops?

ChubbyKitty Sun 05-Jan-14 13:25:31

Thank yousmile out friends have bought us a proper wedding planner as an engagement gift so I have a proper place to write all this stuff now. And there's cardboard sleeves inside the dividers and plastic wallets and a slot for those sticky note packs.

Does anyone know anything about flowers? People keep asking what I'm having and I just have to say "erm pink ones?"

overmydeadbody Sun 05-Jan-14 14:08:28

With flowers, I think it is best to find what is in season when you are getting married, and then go from there!

I am ordering my flowers wholesale, sticking to flowers that are in season then, and just choosing a variety of ones that I like and arranging them myself. I will also make my own bouquet, there are plenty of tutorials on youtube and that will save me paying stupid prices for what is essentially a bunch of flowers that will die anyway.

I don't know anything about flower names or what I want, I just know I want a wild flower feel to it, not all formal.

ChubbyKitty Sun 05-Jan-14 16:44:14

I'm thinking of going artificial so I can keep my bouquets and my bridesmaids will probably want to keep there's. I might just look on the Internet and see what's prettiest. Unless I can find cherry blossoms, they'd be bestsmile

I got a magazine earlier and it had a pack of those I Do show stickers. Not that classy but I think everyone will see the funny side. Plus they're blue!

ChubbyKitty Wed 08-Jan-14 14:44:20

Bridesmaids and maid if honour have all acceptedgrin

I'm unstoppable now, I have the best support crew in the world.

MsAspreyDiamonds Fri 10-Jan-14 18:33:38


Start selling stuff on e-bay/car boots sales that you do not need anymore to generate cash for your reception.
for eg. I recently sold some gold bracelets that I inherited for 2k. If you set your mind to it it is amazing how much you can raise.

Open a high interest, fixed term notice account where you can save specifically for your wedding.

Cancel Christmas gift s this year, just buy small token presents if need be.

Cancel your annual holidays.

Cancel hobbies/subscriptions for a year

Have a late afternoon ceremony (4/5pm) so you can invite everybody to the wedding ceremony & reception afterwards. That way you have one set of catering costs so you can feed everyone at the same time.
My friend did this & avoided paying an additional 2k for a buffet.

My brother ordered the M&S white chocolate ribbons cake for £249. A similar cake from a specialist wedding cake bakery would have cost about £600.

Ask a friend or relation with a nice car to drive you to the wedding. So you can save £££ on unnecessary car hire fees.

Look for a dress & suits in the sale.;jsessionid=9CD044C9D2D75032DCEA6F3B28EB6E29.app8

Only when you have done all you can to generate extra cash, should you approach the bank of mum & dad for a loan or a cash gift! So atleast it looks like you are in control!

ChubbyKitty Sat 11-Jan-14 03:37:36

I've managed to make a few savings already on odd bits. My nana has said she'd be honoured to make my cake (I'd be honoured to have one of my nanas cakes!) so we've saved loads there, my grandma has given me a string of pearls(not a huge cost but every little helps) and my dad said he will pay for our honeymoon as we already live together and there's not much either of us can think of for gifts.

I've also found a lot of things on Amazon. As much as I'd like the best of everything, I'm sensible enough to know that our wages just won't stretch that far so we've tried to find more affordable versions.

For example, DP, best man, groomsmen and my dad will be in black converse(a la 10th doctor) but instead of paying £50-odd for proper converse I doing some lee cooper ones for £13.

Me and my bridesmaids spend a lot of time on the internet scouring for the cheapest possible way of getting something. So far we've found the kind of dress I'm after at £124, the only downside being I have to wait a few weeks for it to come from China.

Also my dad is doing the stationary and the guestbook and that as he works in a printing workshop and is really skilled in that kind of thing. Just invitations/place cards etc we've saved about £250.

I can't quite believe how expensive wedding things can be. Otoh, I can't believe how much less I can get it for if I do some digging.

I've also set up a savings account and decided to save all our 20ps and once a month take them into the bank and transfer them across.

ChubbyKitty Sat 11-Jan-14 12:00:26

How did anyone manage their guest lists without causing any massive family feuds? sad

MsAspreyDiamonds Sat 11-Jan-14 13:19:44

We went for a midweek term time wedding on a Wednesday) so we invited everyone including obligatory invites & close family / friends. We knew that a third of those invited wouldn't be able to make it because it wasn't held on a weekwnd. We invited them so our obligation to invite was fulfilled & thus avoided a row.

MsAspreyDiamonds Sat 11-Jan-14 13:27:29

Save £2 coins as you are more likely to save more money a lot more quickly then saving 20p coins.

Definitely start selling off old clothes & unwanted items & put the profits into your savings account.

Take a packed lunch into work & transfer the money saved into youe savings account.

ChubbyKitty Sun 12-Jan-14 02:02:20

My only shift that needs a meal in the middle I tend to spend £1.75 on some dough balls so if I take in one if those 50p mug shots then I can save another £1.25 right there so that's a plan. Every little helps right? I also like the idea of selling my old clothes as I do have a few things that will never fit me again. Some of my old stuff I'd like to keep as I'm trying to slim down a bit but the really tiny stuff just seems pointless. I have loads of selling pages on Facebook so I might try that as well (most of them are collection so will save on unexpected RM price rises!)

My dad has told me today that some of the money he gets for my mums life insurance can help pay for the wedding.

I'll probably get my dress and things with it tbh as I think she'd want to buy my wedding dress (if she could) so in a way she still is iyswim?

Sorry to put a downer on the conversation there!

I like the idea of making it on a day when a lot of people can't make it but knowing my luck they'll all be granted a days leave and I'll have to pay for over 100 people hmm

Still fine tuning the guest list but I've not done any wedding stuff today as I've been busy.

I'm also confused about the stamps on the invites. Is it even legal to buy such a large number of stamps??

MsAspreyDiamonds Sun 12-Jan-14 16:37:06

Yes you just go to the post office or costco wholesalers & buy x amount of stamps. Buy second class stampa to save money & don't bother with really heavy card for the invites d as it will cost more in postage. I bought 100 stamps in one go for my wedding.

Join a wholesalers like costco to buy large multipacks of food & drinks which is cheaper than paying rrp on single units.

HappySmileyFace Sun 12-Jan-14 16:51:52

Just wanted to add my congratulations -I remember your other thread and think its lovely that such happiness is coming your way. Truly thrilled for you. (And that's a great idea to use the money towards the dress as it's a way of having your DM close to you on the day).

ChubbyKitty Sun 12-Jan-14 20:56:57

Ah right I wasn't sure if the post office would think I'm some sort of weirdo.

Thank you happy! It is nice that everyone's got something to look forward too.

ChubbyKitty Wed 15-Jan-14 22:28:23

This whole thing has been mildly tarnished for me now.

DP has asked one of his groomsmen last night and he said he'd be honoured.

This guys cousin had a go at DP for making him groomsman and not best man. She's not even coming to the wedding, like she never speaks to me or anything. So..why does she feel she even has a say?

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