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It's your day, do it how you want.... But obviously Glenda and Dennis will be invited won't they?

(38 Posts)
Glendaanddennisarentinvited Sun 06-Oct-13 01:47:10

Who? Who the fuck are these bloody friends that simply must come to a wedding wheee they won't know anyone, haven't met the bride and haven't seen the groom for 20yrs

I'm looking at you future MIL. You're not paying. We are having 20 people. No Glenda and Dennis shouldn't expect an invite.

<and breathe>

Whatnamenext Sun 19-Jan-14 20:46:41

How are we all doing?

AnnaBeginsTheChristmasShopping Sat 04-Jan-14 10:04:06

Ugh,wedding politics. Well done you for standing up to her! We had a big wedding as I have a big family,but still implemented our "if we haven't seen you in the last 5 years and you've not met both of us you're not coming" rule and offended so many distant cousins, great aunts etc - you'd think if they cared they'd have called or seen us in the previous 5 years! Then my mum invited her sibling who she doesn't like and we hadn't seen for 10years, thanks for that mum...

londonchick Sat 04-Jan-14 09:29:02

I had this too with my MIL. Ended up with 14 people myself and DH didn't know and not one of them came up to either of us to introduce themselves/say congratulations!! It was only for the evening but my poor mum couldn't have any friends as it was too far for them to travel just for an evening party. MIL stropped and sulked until we gave in!!

CalorHousewifeoftheYear Fri 27-Dec-13 22:05:39

End of Jan. no time to change really.

Whatnamenext Tue 24-Dec-13 16:50:28

When's the wedding Calor?

Have you got time to make adjustments?

CalorHousewifeoftheYear Sun 22-Dec-13 19:45:50

I am having this with future PILs. To the point where if one of my/OH's friends decline FIL is 'claiming' the spot for one of his friends. They have a massive family already, who had to be invited. Plus a random additional priest. Because one just isn't enough. Loads of my friends have unexpectedly declined (I should have known one was having a new bathroom put in, apparently). I am facing the prospect of turning around at the alter, newly married and knowing nobody in the pews. Which sucks. I'm really down about the whole thing. Why the fuck am I paying for dinner for a whole load of people I don't know.

ToffeePenny Wed 30-Oct-13 21:21:08

We made a rule to fend off this nonsense:

Anyone who we have had dinner with in the last 12 months (or would normally have had dinner with in the last 12months except for their health problems/having been posted overseas by their work etc) were considered. Everyone else was automatically 'out' but then up to 6 extras each for people who 'had to be there'.

The logic here was that a reception is essentially just that, a meal and why would we pay for a meal for Doug and Mary, 'you know, Doug, with the hair, and Mary, who bought you the creme egg when you were 3'.

DH used 2 of his 3 on old family friends and then begged one of mine to invite his second cousins who then were the only guests to call off on the day. I used mine on my dad and stepmum (we are just really rubbish at arranging time together - I suspect it's genetic).

Neither DM or DMIL (the worst culprits) had a leg to stand on when they realised my own father had only just made the cut!

Patchouli Wed 30-Oct-13 20:56:19

We had this. And same as you, 20 guests.
It was my mum who wanted friend so-and-so there.
She got it in the end, but only on the day when she had a lovely time and could see for herself that it wasn't the sort of 'do' for vague aquaintances (especially ones who like to dominate EVERY conversation).

Icepilot Wed 30-Oct-13 20:43:36

Haha - that's funny. Like on Friends where Ross and Rachel talk about their fake wedding due to the offence his parents friends would take if the knew the truth

SuzySuzSuz Wed 30-Oct-13 20:34:01

It's so common unfortunately, no wonder weddings are up there with stressful events!

MIL has a huge circle of church friends as well as a massive extended family on DH's side. We got around it by giving them a set amount of invite spots for them to decide who was most important to them smile

Seemed to go okay but recently found out that 4yrs on from wedding some of the extended family still haven't been told we're actually married for fear of the 'upset' it might cause?!

Icepilot Wed 23-Oct-13 16:13:19

I can see why people elope!

EthelredOnAGoodDay Tue 22-Oct-13 23:05:45

We had this from MIL. Oh you must invite them, they're your Dad's oldest friends. Oh and also them, they are also your Dad's oldest friends. confused
So in the end we invited 3 coupled of their choosing to the day and the rest were invited in the evening. They are used to big farming weddings where about 250 people come along....
But my mum has also just done this with my brothers wedding... because she is an only child has invited wanted to invite distant relations of hers to up the 'support' on her side.

Glendaanddennisarentinvited Sat 19-Oct-13 12:16:17

I'm not completely sure Dennis really does actually give a shit. Do men really care that much about weddings?

Also he's in a trade that gets very busy in wedding season, so would potentially be turning down work or unavailable anyway!

At the risk of sounding like a complete spoilt bitch here's the latest 'idea'...

They want to buy us a gift. Not contribute to the wedding but spend £1k on a whopping piece of furniture. Of which we already have 2.... We have to have a 'thing' so something physical they know they have bought.

Lovely -thanks a million but what we'd really like isn't another 'thing'

But we simply must....

And so it goes on.

Nb we aren't having a gift list, and certainly no requests for cash - or a shit poem.

Seriously. Just either buy some wine on the day, contribute towards a cake... But don't make me do a fanfare of receiving a massive piece of furniture that we don't want or need. And no, we couldn't just get it and sell it...

pootlebug Sat 19-Oct-13 12:03:01

Stand your ground. If you were inviting 100 an extra two isn't perhaps so big a deal (although I think there are reasons to stand your ground there too), but with 20 two people you barely know is not on at all.

Dennis shouldn't be offended because MIL should be explaining to him that you are having a small wedding with only 20 guests. God knows Dennis should have the sense to realise that is immediate family and close friends of the people getting married only.

Glendaanddennisarentinvited Sat 19-Oct-13 11:57:24

Have you tried counting up all the people that 'should' get an invite.

We stopped at 150 but could have carried on shock

Jjb2 Fri 18-Oct-13 23:49:14

I am loving these stories. I am simply feeling depressed and gnarled up over my invites sad Not only do I have to contend with a MIL but 7 aunties who may as well be MIL's. What have I got myself into. Nice to know everyone goes through this shit

Glendaanddennisarentinvited Fri 18-Oct-13 23:48:44

Thanks all. The way that the day is planned allows no time for evening guests (deliberately). If we did any other event it would be a separate entity entirely.

The reason for this is that Glenda and Dennis wouldn't travel so far 'just' for the evening do; so would naturally be invited to the whole thing.... And if they are coming for the whole day then so are Brian and Rita, Chris and Alison, Mike and sue.... And who could forget cousin William?

starfishmummy Thu 17-Oct-13 21:09:51

Our day was as Sleepy suggests. Easy enough for "my side" but Dh has many relatives that I had never met (and some I still haven't years later) and couldn't decide which of them should come to the ceremony. We left that bit to mil to decide. She nearly caused world war 3

Sleepyandiknowit Thu 17-Oct-13 20:53:41

Sorry wrote was it an option twice, reads like I'm a desperate mil!!!!!

Sleepyandiknowit Thu 17-Oct-13 20:52:47

Had a friend who did 25 for day and wedding but then invited the world and their wife to the evening, ( is that an option)

No one was offended as was only immediate family and v.close friends in the day.. Is that an option?

Glendaanddennisarentinvited Thu 17-Oct-13 16:32:54

Haha. I guess it depends how you do it.

We had thought about a massive engagement party instead - that would include EVERYONE. Can't really remember why we thought it was a good idea but subsequently decided against it hmm

JRmumma Thu 17-Oct-13 08:58:18

I think most people would be insulted to get an invite to the best of the rest party. Not me, but then i seem to be abnormal in the sense that i understand that the wishes of the couple are the most important on their wedding day grin

Glendaanddennisarentinvited Wed 16-Oct-13 16:09:19

Ooh talk me through the 'best of the rest'.... Was it a formal do?

Antidote Wed 16-Oct-13 15:53:22

We did the same as JRmumma: 25 guests for me, 25 guests for DH, 25 guests for my parents and 25 guests for DH's parents. Eventually it sank in that third cousin Maude from Adelaide really wasn't going to make the cut and my PILs arranged what became known as the "best of the rest" party for all their local friends and more distant relatives. That was one awkward lunch do I'll never forget!

Glendaanddennisarentinvited Wed 16-Oct-13 15:36:05

Yeah tbh I did that at my first wedding. It was ok. They were people I at least knew. And like you say, you can lose them in a big crowd. But at a small wedding the percentage of people I haven't met cannot be 20%!

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