This isn't a major issue (yet) but I want to handle this in the right way and would prefer it if I didn't offend anyone in the process.
Myself and DP are getting married next year. We have both always wanted a small wedding so we worked out a rough guest list for numbers and booked our venue for 70 people max.
The problem is that DP has suddenly added more people. When I questioned him it turned out that these are not people he wanted there in the first place.
A couple of examples;
Three of his mother's friends, he doesn't know them at all. I do as I meet up with her regularly with our DS. She is great, as are her friends but they were not on the list as they are not our friends and we want a small personal wedding. Turns out future mil has asked DP if they are invited, and he has said "I don't see why not". I now think the three friends have been told they can come. I know this is DP's fault and not mil's as she wouldn't have been offended at all if he'd said no and she wouldn't have pushed the matter either.
The best man's mother, father and sister!? Again, the best man has asked DP if they are invited and he said yes. But he had not put them on the list. He has known them for years and I would not have a problem with this if he wanted them there and we could have included them in the plans for numbers. But he is actually considering taking some of his uni friends off so they can come, which I know is not what he wants!! We discussed people like this (like bridesmaid's family who I have known for years) and decided that we had to draw the line somewhere and we really want a small wedding.
We then tried to sit down together and go through the list, he is now saying that I have far more people than him (true as my family is bigger than his) and they are his guests so its some of mine that we have to cut off the list. I don't think this is fair as he could have had all the people who are important to him and we could have booked somewhere that would fit them all in. Also, I don't want to cut off people who mean a lot to me so that people we don't know as well can come. It seems too late to add them on now, but as they have been told they are coming we have to invite them don't we?
invite them to the evening do only then act innocent if questioned and say 'oh - we didn't realise you meant to ceremony, sorry but the venue just won't allow it. it's still an invite and if they want to hang about outside the church or register office to see you come out then it's a free country.
Only thing is - who is paying for the wedding? If his parents are paying then they may see it as their right.
Agree with above about the evening, The extra guests are still invited and it doesn't matter if they were hoping for a full day invite - most people understand it comes down to finances, numbers etc. Just make sure DP stops handing out invites
We picked a small evening venue so it is quite restricting. I'm going to assume that a few extra wont matter...
We are paying for the wedding so all decisions from us.
And I agree it should be even, but he just doesn't have as many people as I do so we just combined our totals and went with that number of people. It's the fact that he's added them since that's causing the issue really. He does need to stop agreeing with everyone when they ask!
I know not everyone will come but I think there are too many people still. Just don't know what to do really.